April 2002 Archives

busy at work. it's month end and everyone loves me when they want me to do shit for them. although, a printing solution has snagged me lunch with recently-divorced cute chris at some point in the near future. i need to do favours for him more often.

what i really want to do is go into the blissfully cool & air-conditioned fitness room and work out. how fucked up is that? it nearly killed me to get my elliptical in yesterday, but today i wanted to stay in there and sweat for another thirty minutes. i'm a freak!

i really need to phone karen tonight. i wish i knew what's wrong with me that i can't just get that done. going to see if she'll let me take her to see spider-man on friday. not that i can afford it, but i can more than her.

bleh. my left dug feels like a zit that needs to be popped. i rolled over hard this morning and the pain woke me up. stupid boobs.

a few years ago, i went to seattle to meet a friend. she lived in virginia and had wanted to visit the west coast, so i told her i'd meet her in the emerald city. we had a great time. she brought krispy kreme donuts. i brought chocolate smarties. we got drunk atop the space needle and spent an entire day in our hotel room watching road rules episodes.

what i didn't really know about her reasons for visiting seattle was that there was a boy involved. chuck. she and he and been corresponding for a fair while and had developed an attraction. there were some mutual expectations about their finally meeting. unfortunately, they didn't pan out. he wasn't what she expected. i'm not sure if she met his expectations either, but i'm assuming not because he was hitting on me.

yes. a boy i'd just met was hitting on me! he was seriously into me, too. he and i, never having said one word to each other, got along famously. maybe it was that there was no pressure in our meeting or that i felt i had to be extra charming to cut the tension between them... regardless. by the time we got to the billiard hall and started in on the rolling rock, he was blowing in my ear and i was patting his ass in efforts to blow the other's shots.

back at the hotel room we were sitting around watching tv. i was lying face down on the bed, towards the end. he was sitting on the chair in the corner. at one point he got up to pee and when he returned, he sat on the floor next to me. my friend was on the other bed, being quieter than she'd been all day. finally, she got up and walked out of the room. chuck and i looked at each other and had this moment. i knew that if she had stayed out there another thirty seconds we'd have been slobbering over each other like rabbits with gingivitis.

she came back in, mumbling something about denny's and picked up her book. that's when i realized i had to suss out my priorities. i told her to wait a minute and we'd go with her. she wasn't pleased. on the way out i think chuck got the hint and said he had to go home. we discussed doing something together the next day, but i think we all knew our quota was filled.

i felt really bad for her. i did. i knew what it was like to have your expectations and hopes dashed. i also knew what it was like when a boy you had designs on, no matter how vague, liked your friend instead. but, to this day, i kind of wish i had been more selfish. i wish i'd tugged on chuck's blue braid and kissed him while she was out in the hall. no. i don't. i'm glad i was a good friend.

realizing that, sometimes, i can be attractive to someone without having known them for a long while before is good. knowing that it happened once helps me to believe that it can happen again.

the bee may look happy to be back, but it's really crying inside that it's back so soon.

we'll do it next year, boys.

after an eleven-hour night's sleep, my friday was turning into a crapfest of pain, bordom and yawning. i was glad to get away from my work desk and come home to a kitchen-full of dishes and plans for a night in watching the movies i've downloaded over the last couple of days. i should have known the full moon would have a different plan in mind for me.

i figured that with karp in town, i wouldn't see the friends this weekend and i was okay with that. i have so many household chores to do, i could use the time in. but, meg phoned and invited me over to play cards with them and karp. i would finally get to meet mark's infamous friend and learn how to play euchre. i was intimidated. mark & he have been friends since third grade and meg loves him a lot. how would mark's old friend and meg's old friend get along? only the shadow knows...

fuck, i'm way overdramatic today. sorry.

anyway, karp is a riot and we got on like gangbusters. it's obvious that he and mark grew up together. they even tell stories similarly. i drank a couple too many beer (which, for me, means four instead of two) and started to flirt. i couldn't help it! he was cute and has a deep voice. he would hum while he was deciding what card to play and i thought i could feel the floor vibrate. my internal dialogue while sitting across from him went something like:

mm, he's cute. nice eyes. look at those hands!
stop that!
*flips hair*
i said stop that!
why? he's cute!
he also lives far away!
so did paul. and jason.
and look how those turned out.
hrmf.
what do you want? a quick bonk in the spare room?
is that so wrong?
yeah, the bed squeaks.
oh, right.
smarten up.
*eye contact*
you're not listening.
*fingers in ears* la la la! i can't hear you!
geez... thank god he's leaving town tomorrow.
but i have pretty underwear on!
*sigh*

when i left (at quarter to four. in the morning.), we shook hands and expressed our mutual gladness to meet the other and learn new card games. i was struck with a sudden urge to hug him. i didn't, of course. i wanted to, though. really bad.

i got home and stayed up for another hour or so and then finally crashed. when my eyes opened at quarter to nine (four hours later) i catagorically refused to wake up and went back to sleep for another couple hours. now i'm finishing up my dishes, finally, getting the laundry done and in a bit, going shopping before the canuck's last gasp. despite all the chores, i'm having a damn fine day. flirting really puts me in a good mood!

Cancer
You could be considering an impulsive purchase of an item for your home. In some cases, you might even be considering a change of residence. Before you do anything rash, ask yourself what your real motivations are. Will you really improve anything?

how'd they know about that? freaky.

- use the phrase "pig fuckers" more in daily life.
- ow. call the doctor, you masochistic freak.
- don't give up. they still have a chance to advance.
- be a bitch if it will make you feel better.
- stretch.
- enjoy the donuts, but don't make a habit of them.
- don't tell dad kim asked if he was your grandfather.
- stop whining.
- phone tyler.
- don't blow your budget this week.
- remember jeremy's birthday.
- phone karen.
- do dishes.
- don't be jealous carp's in town.
- stop thinking about paul. he wasn't *that* good in bed.

i wish i'd picked a shorter name for this when i'd started. something quick and slick. even something just as long, but acronymable. but, who knew i'd still be doing this twenty months later?

my left earlobe feels sexy.

first off, i pulled something in my upper back while getting dressed (!!) this morning. right now, i'd sell my soul for a heating pad and a boyfriend with strong hands.

secondly, i'm tired. it took half an hour longer than usual for me to get out of bed this morning. i suppose it's my own fault for staying up so late, but i feel like blaming jim for being so damn easy to talk to. it's nice to have it affirmed that some suprises aren't scary in the least.

thirdly, i've been having a tough interpersonal week at work. there has been a lot of friction between a woman i work with and myself. it pretty much ruined the first half of my week. i understand that i let it and have since set it free. i still don't like her, but i can deal with her... until the next time she acts like an idiot.

fourthly, i'm going to stop counting these things.

i'm trying to psych myself up to go do my daily elliptical training. suddenly, my motivation is gone. *poof* i can't see the point in exercise any longer. of course, it's been about two months since i started, so it's time that i lost my inspiration. it happens to me with just about everything. i start into something, all gung-ho, only to burn myself out and then i drop it. maybe that's why i don't have that much trouble quitting smoking... i'm good at quitting things. oh, bloody hell. i'll be back after i sweat...

ugh. couldn't efx, so i biked instead. haven't biked in forever. my thighs are burning throbbing twitching. please tell me there's a point to all this? oh yeah, and my sore back is even more sore, thankyouverymuch. bleh.

you know, this wasn't going to be a bitchy entry when i started it. i wanted to spew out all the odd little thoughts which have been rattling around in my brain for the last week or so. all the things which haven't seen light because of my simmering distate for talking. i haven't wanted to talk to any but three or four select people for a while now. i've been annoyed at humans in general. these are the times i miss having a cat.

speaking of cats, i did some math and reckoned that as of his ninth birthday this may, my cat walter will have lived with my mom alone longer than he lived with my mom and i together. this depresses me. he's offically not my cat anymore. i don't blame him for hiding when i go to visit.

i'm not very productive so far today. i'm thinking about the hockey game and the movie i'm downloading at home and which route i'll take to wendy's to get my mandarin chicken salad for lunch and if i'll ever get around to answering the email which has been piling up in my inbox and how much i'd love to be back in bed right now and whether or not the rent increase i just received will be the final impetus to get me out looking for a proper one-bedroom apartment.

hug me, please.

pretend i'm in a coma.
send flowers, but don't expect much interaction.

if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Cancer
If you are getting together with friends to watch TV and kick back this evening, all well and good. If on the other hand, you are getting together with some kind of productive purpose in mind, expect to be disappointed. No-one will want to work.

good. i won't feel guilty about going to bed as soon as i walk in the door.

i'm in love with urban fare. i purchased dried pineapple, greek red pepper spread, turkey jerky, tamarillo, european seed baguette, lime leaves, rosy red flower tea and kappa maki! i'm in culinary heaven. if hadn't had to go to the bathroom so badly and my back was bugging me, i could have stayed there for days. i'd move to yaletown just so i could shop there every day. then again, to shop there every day, i would have to have two more jobs just to afford it. i can't believe it took me so long to get there. and i'm kicking myself i didn't buy the carrot juice.

now i'm happily full of pineapple and sushi and i think it's time for a nap.

hockey. pub. beer. hockey. wings. beer. hockey. beer. onion rings. hockey. beer. nachos. hockey!

that was my early evening, in a nutshell. got lots of "yay canucks!" from strangers because i was wearing my jersey (i've never worn it out in public before). a quick trip to the liquor store to fetch ingredients for dr peppers (beer + coke + amaretto) and then back to meg's to play cards.

i drank too much at the pub so meg made me sleep over -- it's just so horrible to sleep in a real bed with cats to play with, you know. i may never recover.

a quick trip home this morning to shower and do some minor chores, now meghan & i are off to shop! i think we're looking for her wedding dress. yay! fun fun fun!

(besides flirt wth cute, married rob, that is)

last night's fortune cookie:
     You are the center of every group's attention.
you may now pay attention to me!

my feel-good quote of the day:

You sure are growing up to be a beautiful woman. :)

this angers me beyond words. they were in a recognized training area. they were there to assist the very people who killed them. whoever was flying that f-16 should be courtmarshalled, at the very least. drawn & quartered sounds a lot better to me right now.

maybe it's because the soldiers who died were part of the same regiment as my uncle. maybe it's because it's the first time in fifty years that a canadian soldier had died during an offensive mission. maybe it's because the bomb which killed them belonged to the u.s. maybe it's because it is a perfect example of why weapons of mass destruction are so fucking frightening... one mistake. that's all it takes. regardless of why, i feel sick when i think of it.

hugs from cute, married rob. dentist! baby visiting. hockey hockey hockey. comment overload. i wish i was a bitch. "please design the website!" work work work. i wish i could hang out with you, too. over-sensitive men. chicken chili invasion. weblog crushes/flattery. no time. rush rush rush. burp!

nobody new comes by anymore. it's all the same faces. all wearing the same jeans with their sweatshirts tucked in -- i never did like wearing sweatshirts, they just accentuated my fat ass.

it's dark and it's dingy, the ceiling fans haven't spun in so long, there are bird's nests in them. i think they're swallows. i hear swallows are the worst. noisy. shit a lot. wasn't there a story on the news once about this unusual swallow migration and all the poor bmw owners were shaking their fists skyward while calling their auto detailers? maybe those were starlings. i can only do two bird calls: pigeon & crow. they're pretty damn good, if i do say so myself.

it's a cluttered day, with lots of piles and missing things. i can't find... whatever it is i needed. my memory is shot these days. i have yellow stickies everywhere. i used to write insightful, interesting, entertaining things on them and put them all over my bedroom walls. now they have phone numbers, ip numbers, partial grocery lists, squiggles from testing pens to see if they had enough ink to write more phone numbers, ip numbers and partial grocery lists. i'll tell you a secret... if i have to write a phone number down, i will never phone it. i'm good with phone numbers. if it's important to me, i'll remember it on the spot. bang! it's in my head. for almost ever.

i miss spud.

the batteries died in my remote control last week. i still sit there, three feet from the tv, pressing the buttons actually expecting them to do something. there's a word for that. no, it's not futile. although, i could really use a new screwdriver.

i wanted to tell you about the dreams i've been having lately. all the chasing and the breasts and the sinister heads turning slowly, so slowly, towards me with bad news. exhilarating! parilyzing. tv dreams with all the credits smooshed over to the side to make room for MORE commercials. more fucking commercials! can you believe it? don't we have enough? there's advertising on everything. it's fucking eye pollution. nothing is pure and clean anymore. flat space! slap up a billboard or a thousand artfully arranged posters (which, i have to admit, is sometimes even beautiful)! fucking fuckers.

the girl, with the blond hair and the birkenstocks (when i didn't know what it meant that they were birkenstocks). the girl in my theatre class. the girl who, on the bus one day, spent the entire thirty-minute trip to school staring into my eyes, describing their colours and textures to me with her artist's language. i still remember that day, that feeling. someone paying so close attention to me -- to me! -- that whenever i'm asked what colour my eyes are i want to reply with her words because they made them sound so beautiful and breathtaking. i think she wanted to kiss me. if i hadn't been so naive maybe i would have kissed her first. right there on that bus. in front of everyone! no. i wouldn't have. i'm too frightened of rejection to kiss anyone first. even a girl who was in love with my eyes.

sleep now. dreams later. thank you.

i'm sorry i'm so difficult.

welcome to the canucks playoff edition! i will keep the canuck colour scheme/theme until such time as the cup is brought home to vancouver or we are forcibly removed from the competition (yeah, right). enjoy and make sure you watch your hockey!

albeit a little (read: 58 minutes) late, and wholly in vain, i tried to order playoff tickets today. i really wanted to take my dad as an early father's day gift. *sigh* this sucks. all of round two is sold out as well! my only hope is that we make it into the third round and then i'll get to fight even harder to get to see some post-season hockey.

i'm thinking it's not going to happen. i suppose i'll phone dad now and tell him the bad news...

i can't remember if i put deoderant on this morning. i hope i don't stink.

i'm pretty much exhausted. yesterday was good. it was wonderful to see liz again, in all her pregnant splendour. i didn't get to meet mr. liz, but i saw pictures of his rugged self. shopping with meghan was a blast, as always. but, i got home with stuff in my bags i'd never have bought if i were alone and half a dozen things missing i really wanted. too busy yapping up and down the aisles. then i had to pick karen up at the ferry. i waited and waited and waited some more. finally, an hour late, she & her boat arrived. i don't know why, but she thought i'd just drop her off at the seabus instead of taking her right home. i don't care if it is downtown, i'm not going to make her take the bus home if i'm perfectly capable of taking her. silly woman.

tonight, i want to make a fennel salad, chicken chilli and clean off my desk. that's my to-do list. we'll see just how little of it i accomplish.

by the way, i'm super tired and pretty damn cranky as a result. i'm hoping my morning exercise will help. i hope so; if it doesn't, i may maim someone.

it's weird to realize that someone you went to school with for nine years is now a semi-famous recording artist. i wonder if he'd remember the dorky girl who had a crush on him in sixth grade.

11:34pm -- went to bed
1:18am -- violent winds and rain woke me
1:19am -- ooh, lightning
1:20am -- power dipped, lept up to power down computer
1:30am -- got tired of watching for lightning, went back to bed
5:01am -- bladder yelled too loud to ignore. got up to pee
6:10:20am -- sirens
6:10:40am -- louder sirens
6:10:50am -- those sirens are pissing me off
6:11am -- sirens stop. right next door. must get up to look for smoke, blood, or fugitives
6:25am -- who am i kidding? make coffee
6:31am -- yeah, who am i kidding? must write entry about this
6:34am -- lie down again. please, just an hour more!

i love beer.

reporting live from chez hessie, the fan is replaced! it's a beautiful non-noise if never i've heard one.

i'm in decidedly good humour today. i'm bouncy and happy and i feel good and i'm cute and fun and smiling and curly-haired! i ran into dean at the esso this morning and very nearly hugged him. the only problem is that i have a whole bunch of work to do and i hate working when i'm in this kind of mood. i want to play!

speaking of playing, my libido is back in full force. it's all about the sex and the kissing lately. kisskisskisskisskiss. i'm big into tummies, too. it's jim's fault (about the tummies, not the libido, that is). all i want to do is lick tummies! *sigh*

there was a smurf in the lunch room who was staring really hard at me when i went in to heat up my fried rice. i have no idea who he is, but he was kind of cute. i should find out who it is and if he's single. they're never single here, though.

i'm going to attempt to force myself to get through at least two more piles of things before i go home today. i wanted to go home early, but i can't justify it with all the work in my trays.

i. want. to. play!

this is my new favourite website. it makes me want to immediately fly to new york and move in.

sometimes i wonder how it is i've forgotten how much i love art and art history. if just seeing details of my favourite paintings brings me to tears, i'm almost afraid to be in the same room with them.

i never thought i would say this, but i'm getting used to not having a functioning computer at home. last night, i managed to put away my laundry, tidy the main room, organize the kitchen, balance my chequebook, shower, update my food/exercise journal and put more work into my new recipie binder. all between five and eight pm!

that being said, i'm going to get a fucking cpu fan which fits tonight if it kills me.

i'm sure no one noticed, but i took down all my templates/layouts. i don't know why, i just felt it was something i didn't want to support any longer. that being said, i'm a schmuck and will most likely help you if you want me to. you just have to ask. (yes, kaydee, i know we still have to work on your layout!)

i'm supposed to go watch the hockey game with a boy tonight, but i feel like ass so i'm going to cancel. i hate it, but i'm completely ill-tempered to meet someone for the first time today. i look like ass, i feel gross and i'm cranky.

"hi, i'm heather. i'll be your date from hell this evening."

bleh. i really wish my neck would stop hurting.

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan 'OH YEAH' when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they 'high five' each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the ass.
21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you.
24. Women never have headaches.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to 'suck it'
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's pants and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
31. Pigtails = handlebars.

i'm starting to wonder about where the chickens parts go. everywhere you see restaurants of varying sophistication touting their latest menu items:
     "tender chicken breast filets"
     "all white meat chicken breast"
     "succulant chicken breast"
you get the picture. there's a lot of breasts happening in the food business lately.

my question remains, other than chicken nuggets and taco bell chicken items, where does the rest of the chicken go once they've taken the breast meat? okay, kfc gets a lot of miscellaneous chicken parts -- have you tried to get any white meat in a bucket of their fried chicken lately? you almost have to order it three days in advance.

i just keep thinking about these poor chickens... maybe they should perform mastectomies so they can remain productive members of chicken society by laying eggs? it seems such a waste to kill the poor things when they aren't going to be fully utilized.

the chickens have got it just as bad as women. it's all about the size of their boobs. how sad.

my cpu fan crapped out last night, so i'm computer-less at home until i can get it replaced. i'm quite ill at ease about the whole situation. i was watching something on tv last night and it sparked interest about something (which i've forgotten now). i was just about to get up to go to the computer to do a search when i realized i couldn't. it's freaky how accustomed i've gotten to having it available to me at all times, the ability to gather information.

anyway, i hope mike has a spare kicking around his office or i'll have to stop at the computer shop on the way home. if it comes to that, i guess i'll see if they have a processor i can upgrade with for cheap.

didn't get to bed until midnight last night because, after an ill-planned apres-dinner nap, i had the urge to get up and exercise. i was crunching, squatting, lifting, pressing and extending all freaking evening as i watched, for the first time, the bachelor (i picked a good one, too! a chick didn't move on to the next round, had panic attack and started hyperventilating on camera! yeah, i love reality television.).

of course, i overslept this morning. it's amazing i was only five minutes late for work, especially considering i had to stop for gas on the way. cute esso station boy saw me and said hi, too. yay.

i chickened out of ordering groceries last night. not so much chickened, really; but, i blew my budget so i can't afford to stock up until i get paid on friday. stupid money.

i'm antsy. i have a rock in my shoe. my chair squeaks. my neck-crick is back. my hands are all red and puffy for some reason. i bought the winning lottery ticket this morning, so don't waste your money -- i'm going to win. i like playing backgammon. i learned to play backgammon on waikiki beach when i was nine years old. i phoned my mom today to ask her a medicine-related question and i answered it myself while talking to her. i have an email i have to write which i am putting off. i'm not being very productive. i'm specifically mentioning neall just to make him blush. it's raining and i don't care. i want to go home and do my dishes so i can dirty more making something vegetably for dinner.

if you're job hunting or bored and want to re-work your resume, here's an interesting article i just found on the subject. i see a lot of resumes in my job (4,369 so far in 2002) and cannot stress to you the importance of number ten. by the way, two other resume tips: have all your contact information in one place (preferably the top of the first page) and in one font size (preferably 10-12pt). also, if you have an unusual/ethnic/gender-neutral name, include some clue as to your sex. it's embarrassing to send out letters or make calls to "mr. chris parkinson" only to find he's actually a she.

daylight savings time is cruel. when my alarm went off at 5:27am, my first thought was "it's too early to get up". i was right. it was really only 4:27am, which is far too early to get up.

as proof that water (used as a metaphor for emotions, you see) will seek its own level, i am now happily burping chicken chili burps as i plow merrily through my workload.

chris, the recently divorced co-worker i've always been rather fond of, is looking damn fine of late. new duds, new haircut, lost weight, working out. i must remember to invite him out for lunch one day soon. nothing like a little rebound romance with a divorcee!

i wonder if there's anyone in the gym right now. i feel the urge to use some muscles...

tonight, i'm going to order my groceries online! i'm nervous and excited about it. i have a load of canned goods i need to buy to stock up my seriously naked pantry and i hate lugging them in from the car. actually, i hate making more than one trip with groceries from the car. i don't know why. i just do. so, this way i let someone else lug them right to my door! how ingenious! the prices are pretty good so far, too. i love the internet!

i'm fairly disgusted with myself right now. it's a beautiful, brilliant spring day outside and i'm in here doing dishes, organizing my directories, posting, and messing with online grocery sites. i should be out there. doing something. playing. walking. reading. anything!

small consolation: all my windows are open so i'm getting a pitiful excuse for fresh air.

talked the friends into going for japanese food last night. thankfully. i've been craving kappa maki for several days. each little green and white roll was a party in my mouth. just thinking about it makes me want to go back for more. *drool* the vegetable tempura! the imitation crab! the gomaae! the yakisoba!

dammit, now i'm hungry.

you know, i owe a lot of different people email right now. i haven't replied to any in at least a week. on the other hand, i've posted a lot this week. it's a pattern. when i post a lot, i don't email. when i'm emailing people, my posting dwindles significantly. i can't seem to keep a balance between the two. mostly it's because i'm emailing what i'd post and posting what i'd email and i really, really, really hate to repeat myself.

in most cases, if i've already posted my news i'll say "go read my site" just to save the typing. it's not even being lazy, i just can't deal with repeating myself. it's a combination of irritation at the need to say something more than once and a self-conciousness about the worth of my stories to tell over again. it's one of the reasons i hate the first days back at work after a vacation, everyone individually asks me how it was and what i did and this and that and it drives me nuts.

yes, i know i should be thankful that people actually care and bother to inquire after my life. i'm allowed to be difficult. i'm a girl. *grin*

i've had a sample of one of those new lipsticks which will never wear off kicking around in the bottom of my makeup bag for probably a year or so. i'd never tried it because it was this grapey-purple colour i thought would be too dark for me. today, post-shower but pre-laundry, i found it and put it on. you know, it doesn't look half bad, if i do say so myself.

of course, now i'm headed out to the friends' and they'll mock me for wearing lip colour. it's not my fault this stuff won't fucking wipe off, even when you want it to! *runs out to buy full-size*

long day.

i'm not going tonight.

stop looking at me like that. i'm not scared or intimidated. well, okay, not a lot. i'm tired and cranky. yesterday was 11 hours of non-stop typing. today, although the standard 8, is also non-stop. my wrists are burning, my ass is throbbing and my eyes are being held in only by my glasses. i would be shitty company for anyone but my futon, so i'm staying home tonight.

plus, i promised my dad i'd have his project done by the end of the week and i haven't even started it yet. yay! i get to do more keyboarding when i get home!

i wanted to let all you wonderful, supportive, and annoying forceful people know about my decision. don't worry, jish'll blow through town again and i'll be at the next meet'n'greet with my undeniable hessie charm in tow. *smooch*

something in the vicinity of my desk smells like poo. i can't tell if it's a person, a shoe, or someone's idea of ethnic breakfast. actually, i don't care what it is as long as it goes away.

and, no, it's not me (i know you all so very well). i'm freshly showered and smelling like raspberries, thankyouverymuch.

a couple months ago, i received an email from jish inviting me out to a informal gathering of vancouver bloggers. this was pretty impressive considering mr. jish's internet notoriety. i didn't go. i chickened out. i didn't want to be judged or ruin my carefully crafted "image". my foothold in the community was tenuous at best. i regret it.

a couple of days ago, i received an email from jish inviting me out to an informal gathering of vancouver bloggers. it is still pretty impressive considering mr. jish's internet notoriety. i don't know if i'm going or not. i'm getting braver, but am i that brave? the more i read about devon, paul, col and derrick the more i'd love an opportunity to meet them in person. i'm still chicken. i still fear judgement and rejection. i have until seven-thirty tonight to decide. i will probably regret it.

for an entire month! or longer if she finds a job.

yay!

i just got home from picking her up, getting her stuff into her room at the ywca and going out for coffee (i had a coconut swirl mocha -- i'll be up all night). god, it's been a year since she was here last, but it's like she's never left. i couldn't stop talking, telling her about my life. i spent most of the drive home thinking about the things i forgot to mention. of course, if we corresponded on even a semi-regular basis i wouldn't have to rush through all these things when i see her. but, the best part is, we obviously don't need to. we like each other just fine, regardless of the time or distance.

karen is here! wahoo!

i love the smell of my skin after i've sat in the sun.

it's exactly three months (almost to the minute) until my birthday of momentous consequence (i can't write it, but i'll be turning five times six years old), so y'all better get cracking on that big party and lots of presents i deserve. i'm not sure who's organizing it, as it's to be a surprise, but i'm sure someone can set up a mailing list to suss out the logisitical details of an operation of this mangitude.

i honestly thought today was tuesday. lynne had to point out to me that it was actually wednesday. the whole holiday monday has messed up my perception of time. i can't wait to see what i'll be like next week after the time change.

speaking of which, do we change to standard or daylight time this weekend? i can never remember which way it goes. you'd think it would be standard during the summer and daylight savings in the winter, wouldn't you? i should look that up some time.

tonight, i'm going to the airport to pick up karen, my quasi-sister. i don't know any details, but i'm assuming she's coming out to look for a job and a place to live. this makes me very happy. she's been living away in manitoba for over ten years and mom and i both miss her. i'm trying not to harbour any secret hopes that she'll want to share a large, beautiful two-bedroom apartment with me. i think she's one of a handful of people i could share accomodations with. but i'm getting ahead of myself, as usual.

got a bit of a headache today. it was probably too much fresh air and exercise from yesterday. stupid sunshiny days make me want to act outside the bounds of my capabilities. screw it, i'm going out again at lunch today. i'm having problems adjusting back into the flourescents. i'm so thankful for my window.

i made the mistake of looking in the computer paper with marie to give her an idea of what she'll spend on a new computer for herself. i can upgrade my beastie for only a couple hundred bucks! no. i have that money earmarked for other things. i don't need a new bloody computer. i'm still looking for that slot-1 celeron 550, though.

lots of work to do and very little desire to do it. want to go back to the aquarium (this time with someone *fun*) to attempt to talk my way into the seal habitat. i want to pet da vinci the harbour seal. *arf arf*

look what i got in the mail today!

Could not connect to SMTP server Connection refused
Location: http://fubsy.net/blog/archive/00001033.html#comments

email isn't working. *pout*

this started as a comment to an entry paul wrote about his apartment building, but it got too long and, well, i wanted it on my site, dammit. these are the things i love/hate about my apartment:

i love that my building is an old, converted boys school.
i hate that there is no insulation in the walls.
i love having 14-foot ceilings and big, casement windows.
i hate that there is always a draft.
i love that all but one of my neighbours is quiet.
i hate that the one noisy neighbour lives right above me.
i love having a south-west exposure & gorgeous view.
i hate that in the summer it heats up to over 30°.
i love having a balcony with fire escape stairs to sit on.
i hate that i never sit outside.
i love how bright it is.
i hate how bright it is in the mornings when trying to sleep in.
i love how cozy it feels.
i hate that i don't have a bedroom.
i love the black & white tile on my kitchen counters.
i hate the "apartment size" stove.
i love the quiet, residental neighbourhood.
i hate the limited street parking.
i love the xmas presents we get from the landlords.
i hate that i don't know a single one of my neighbours.
i love how afforable the rent is.
i hate how i will never want to pay more than i do now.
i love how close it is to my friends & father.
i hate having to cross a bridge to get to work.
i love never having to wear slippers.
i hate not being able to paint the walls.

i drank coffee. i had pain and nausea. i set up a website for a stranger who asked me nicely. i had a nap. i did laundry. i bought myself white & orange daisies. i had dinner with my daddy. i watched trudeau. i read email which made me smile. i ate a peanut butter easter egg. i wrote this entry. i went to bed.

i like sleeping alone, but some mornings i wish there was someone beside me. i'd roll over and press myself up against their back, snake my arms around their waist, kiss the back of their neck, nuzzling and breathing in their sleepy smell. as they slowly woke and moved closer to me with a lethargic shimmy, i'd purr softly in their ear...

"honey, will you please make the coffee?"