[14:14] hessie: marie just told me that i have the coolest eyebrows.
[14:14] Dor: you do, I noticed last night.
[14:15] hessie: i created them in 1996.
[14:15] Dor: nice job!
[14:15] hessie: merci. =)
[14:16] Dor: de nada
May 2002 Archives
part of my "get out of this funk" strategy involves cleaning useless stuff out of my life. this includes lots of different things, activities, thoughts and people. last night, i started with the medicine cabinet and underneath the bathroom sink. this is what i threw away:
- one expired clearblue easy pregnancy test
- 24 pink foam curlers
- one bottle paint-on blue hair goop
- 11 large-size trojan condoms
- 15 bottles of nail polish in assorted colours
- peach bath crystals
- gillette excel razor & spare blade
- 5 plastic caps from unknown spray bottles
- hotel shower cap with three holes in it
- raspberry soap which smelled like nail polish
- one "insert finger and rotate" nail polish remover
- 25 carefree panty liners
- 2 sample-size bottles of calvin klein's eternity perfume
- 2 bonnie bell perfumes (happy & flirt)
- 3 empty ginko biloba bottles
at the first available opportunity, i'm going to register for a course at bcit. unfortunately, the course i'm signing up for doesn't start until september. i'd love to dive right in now, but they don't offer it during summer session.
my boss called me into his office:
boss: we have a problem.
me: uh-oh.
boss: i think you might be the solution.
it involves fun web stuff on the intranet, which always makes me happy. now that we have a proper webserver in the works, i'll be able to mess around with more development-type stuff. my only hurdle is finding the time. hopefully, if he's serious about this, then i'll be able to use it to get rid of some of the bulky work i don't have time for by foisting it off on someone else. that would make me even happier.
wal-mart may not carry dehydrated motivation, but it seems hessie-mart had some backordered and it arrived just in the nick of time.
i'm quickly becoming defined by my complete loathing for my work and the petulant sloth i sink into as a passive-aggressive response to it. i'm that person. you know, the one who's always crabby and has very little to talk about other than how much their job sucks and how they'd love to do anything else, but they really don't know what else they want to do. the person who turns every conversation so it's about them. "yeah, that happened to me. this is what i did (which is what you should have done)."
why can't you run to wal-mart and pick up a jumbo-sized box of dehydrated motivation? just add water! on sale every day! imagine how much more star trek our lives would be with everyone running around being motivated to do good things all the time. not just good for themselves, but good for their friends, family, community, country, world. wow. that utopian vision is blinding. i honestly can't imagine what it would be like if people consistantly acted with compassion and generosity. it's very white, though. everything would be clean and neat. motivated people are neat by default.
another reason i want to move out of my apartment: hardwood floors. i'd happily give up never having cold feet for hardwood floors. they add another layer of light to a room. reflected light. it's also pretty cool to go sliding across them in slipper socks, landing on the couch in a giggling, breathless heap.
it just dawned on me that i spent almost six hours in paul's presence and i didn't once touch his buzz-cutted head. i must be slipping.
i'm slightly hung-over from the musle relaxant i took before bed last night. i feel like i've been wrapped in a layer of cotton batting. it's not wholly unpleasant.
my three reasons to get a dvd player:
* my so-called life box set
* the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy
* the matrix
it's karen's birthday today. i want to do something for her, but i don't know what. logistics are complicated because i should work late to do some catching up. bleh. i don't care... i'm going out for lunch with recently-separated, cute chris.
i just found out that hugo & his wife are taking their citizenship tests today. i'm so excited for them! the conversation went something like:
me: did you study?
him: no! i already know everything.
me: hee-hee. what if you fail?
him: i am married to my wife and she will be a citizen!
i love hugo. he's adorable. =)
can i tell you how useless i'm going to be today?
i spent sunday evening playing risk, talking about books, music & tv with paul, derrick & colene. typically, i was a complete nervous wreck about going over-town to paul's place to play board games with virtual strangers. ah! as it turns out, they're just as interesting and nice in person, so my apprehension didn't last long. (it's somewhat weird to write this knowing they'll read it at some point... i've been mostly immune to this sensation.) i'm in love with paul's apartment. if i could afford the rent, i'd move tomorrow. colene really does have both an evil laugh and a vicious streak! derrick is taller than i expected and has a very intense gaze. he reminds me of someone else i know, but i can't think of who.
the evening went really quickly, and although i would have liked to hang out longer i finally headed home at about quarter to midnight. after flying home on the empty streets and highway (vroom! motherfucker! vroom!) i tried to go to sleep but a vicious headache, paranoia about the giant spider in my closet and this indeterminate pain in my right shoulder made the whole falling asleep experience a lengthy one. i only need five hours sleep, right? *whimper*
i have to phone meghan pretty quick. i told her i was going out to meet people from online and she wanted to know where paul lived and what his phone number was and i was directed to phone her as soon as i got home. when i did get home, there was a message from her "where are you? why aren't you home yet? phone me in the morning!" it's adorable how she worries. i can't tell you how hard i was laughing as she was writing down paul's vitals.
all right, that's my update. dammit, i'm supposed to train wilma today. i may have to put it off until tomorrow. i don't think i should be allowed to do anything remotely responsible today. the plan is to work out really hard on the elliptical after work, go home, shower and then be asleep my seven-thirty. mmm... sleep.
have you ever felt the ground melting beneath your feet? it feels like the earth had a bad batch of shellfish or a few too many beans. gaia gas. yes, that's what it felt like standing on the spot which, twenty minutes later, was two and a half feet closer to the core than it started. the rumbling, popping and clicking of the ground beneath the asphalt as all the water from the broken main poured down my street at midnight was both frightening and exciting. i wouldn't have known anything was amiss if the diverted water running through the back yard hadn't sounded like a torrential cloudburst.
i'm so glad i stayed up late!
how funny are people to tell you one thing and then do another. that's all right. they're free to be who they want to be and do what they want to do. it's how i react to it which is important to me. right now, i'm trying not to react at all. except making assumptions. hey, i never said i wasn't a hypocrite, too.
i had lettuce for dinner last night and pizza for breakfast this morning. yes, you really did need to know that.
my favourite thing about my non-evil j-named friend (figure that one out, if you dare): he doesn't care that i'm a dork and i don't care that he knows i am.
[13:49] hessie: if you knew everything about me, we'd have very little to talk about.
[13:49] Dor: that's not true.
[13:49] Dor: what do you think married people do?
[13:49] hessie: well, there'd be no mystery.
[13:49] hessie: have sex!
[13:49] hessie: run out of conversation = fornicate
[13:49] Dor: good point.
[13:49] hessie: at least that's my goal in marriage. =)
[13:50] Dor: heh.
how unfair is it that every guy i find even remotely attractive has a name which starts with "j"? don't the fates know that spells doom for me? *sigh*
where you start to wonder where she is. why haven't you heard from her? it's very uncharacteristic. you've talked to her every day. where is she? she's doing something bad to herself. she didn't sound right the last time you talked. there was something in her tone. a quiver maybe. you don't even know where she lives. stupid girl. stupid, impulsive, repulsive, antagonistic, alluring girl! how can you save her if you don't know where she lives? phone book! what's her last name, sherlock? no, didn't think so. anonymous. probably never really existed at all. just a fantastic illusion to keep your delusions company. fuck! you need to find her. you need to know she's real and safe. you need her! what will you do, then? how will you bring her out? what can you possibly do to help her? this isn't a tv show. you can't get superpowers and telepathically communicate. you have to wait. you have to suffer the fear and ignorance. you have to feel as if you're to blame for everything that you're imagining happened to her. waiting. you've always hated the waiting.
bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh
i also need to become more css-positioning savvy.
i really need a re-design.
*sigh*
randomness floating through my head and out my fingers:
- i need to find dennis to massage this crick out of my shoulder.
- i want a camera. now.
- i should work out tonight, but i need to grocery shop. no, i can't do both.
- my pants are loose.
- i'm wearing my cleavage shirt.
- in grade school, we had an esl student join our class. i can't remember where she was from, but we teased her relentlessly. sometimes i feel guilty for that. today, we probably would have gone to jail for it.
- i need a sabbatical. maybe i should fall down again. anything to keep me from having to go to work every day. maybe i'll take all my vacation in one shot. of course i won't, then i'll have no reprieve for the rest of the year. that would be bad. someone would most likely die.
- i told jim my idea to become a part-time bartender. mmm, cherries.
- it's a very fine line between romantic and creepy. i hope i'm not creepy.
- my dad's a looker for a sixty-nine year old.
- can flourescent lights make you sick?
- i need friends who'll play pool with me, or go bowling, or play board games, or go to playland, or rent videos. not that i don't love my friends. i just need a little more than playing cards. variety!
- after over ten years not eating cow, i'm craving steak. i don't know what to do about it.
- i love staring out the window at the trees wiggling in the breeze.
- i don't know anyone i can discuss the season finale of buffy with.
- after ten years, i'm finally ready to let go of my car. it was my first and i'll always love it, but i'm no longer deluding myself that it will be my only. i'm taking out all the personal belongings, cleaning her out. i'm getting ready to say goodbye to my hessmobile. i never thought i'd see the day.
- anyone want to buy a slightly used accoustic guitar? i don't think i'll ever play it again and i'm tired of dusting the case.
- isn't it funny how easily conversation comes once you stop caring about impressing someone?
i've effectively managed to look like i'm working while not doing anything other than putting a pile of work-to-be-done directly in front of me for the last hour and a half. i think that's a record. now (because i'm starting to experience guilt), i'm going to stretch loudly, scaring my coworkers, get more coffee and then dive into resume hell. i still think that we shouldn't hire anyone who applies here. just on principle.
i had vivid, slightly disturbing dreams about laundry which wouldn't get clean and wardobe decisions to impress the tall, handsome boy of my dreams.
by the way, if i remember, i'll click a picture of my new shoes when i get home. what i won't do for you people. *sigh*
i thought my battle with a headache and severe nausea last night was a freak occurance. seems i was wrong.
right now, i'm so dizzy i can barely walk and i'm sporadically overwhelmed with the urge to regurgitate the contents of my stomach. hopefully, we'll finish the payroll rush any minute now so i can go home and puke in my own toilet.
i'm back. i'm sleepy. i have cool, new shoes. that's all that really matters, right?
today started early for a saturday. i have until almost-noon to get all my chores done before i hurry up to wait for the boat. i hate waiting for the boat. at least i have a mission to help me keep occupied... i seek essential power.
meghan lied to me. i don't know why she did; or maybe i do, a little. it's bothering me, though. i suppose i'll have to say something about it at some point.
the weekend agenda includes, but is not limited to: mom, star wars, hugh grant, bathtub, visiting, shopping, cat, & beachwalking. i'll be back sometime on monday.
last night, i dreamt that andrew wentzel (my four-year highschool crush) ripped out a bannister just so that i could get from one part of this house we were in to another. he didn't even live there. it was his buddies' place. but i couldn't get over it like all the tall people, so he ripped it out with his bare hands. for me. oddly enough, once he did that, i didn't even go into that part of the building because that was when jim sent me pictures of him and his new light blue hair. i reached through the pictures and ruffled it. it was very soft. i told him i was jealous.
by the way, i really don't like leaving for work at 5:55 am.
She didn't have the nerve for scenes. She was still thinking she could make people like her. She hadn't yet learned that it's a waste of time to try -- that they either do or they don't, and usually they don't. But even if they do, they still say nasty things about you -- just not to your face.
- from what she saw by lucinda rosenfeld
who wants to get drunk and mess around?
the car is in steve's capable, yet greasy, hands. i hope it's just a plastic bag on the exhaust. please, let it be just a bag on the exhaust!
although it came from time off because of injury, it was the same for me. i never thought i would want to come back.
why the hell did i want to come back?!
my ass is sore.
i love reading books that make me laugh so hard i have to leave the room (if i'm not somewhere i can laugh so hard). i wonder if dave eggers is single.
yesterday was a good day once i got over my extreme morning sleepiness. i got a lot of work done. it was sunny and warm (although, i could only confirm the former through my window). the drive home was spent obsessively smelling for that burning plastic smell which has had me freaked out since sunday. i thought about stopping at the mechanic and having him smell it, but decided against it. when i parked in front of my building, the stink was so bad, i spent an hour peeking out my balcony door at it expecting to see flames and billowing smoke. (in thinking about this sudden scorching odour, i realize two things happened between smell-less saturday and stinky sunday: 1) i washed my car; and, 2) i replaced the blinker bulb. i wonder if there's any correlation?)
one of the better things about yesterday was the presence of presents at my door when i arrived home. an amazon box! i ran inside and grabbed the scissors and cut open the packing tape. what i found: a book! in gift-wrap! from my minibits! that silly girl, she didn't have to buy me anything for making her page pretty. i can't wait to start it. mmm, books.
i've been concerned about my parents' mortality.
being an only child of two single (for all intents and purposes) parents, all of the aging-related issues and concerns fall upon my shoulders. i've started to think that i should schedule weekly phone calls with both my mom and dad. conversations we will not miss. for any reason. if one is missed, i will immediately assume the worst and rush to their home and hope not to find a partially-decomposed body being eaten by the cat. (you know, they both have a cat now, but never while we were all together did we have one. just the dog who was frightened of me. interesting.)
i really worry about that. that they will die suddenly, without provocation. die in a manner which is unpredicted and tragic. they will expire and i will never have the chance to tell them all the things you're supposed to say to someone when you know they're about to die.
the other thing i fear is a lingering, degenerative disease which will eat away at them slowly, painfully until there is nothing left of them but a deflated balloon draped over a deformed skeleton, with tubes and monitors weaving themselves around -- inside, outside -- the body i used to think was impervious to everything. every thing.
i don't want to be alone.
regardless of how long i go without seeing or talking to them, knowing they are there, living their lives, i know i will never be alone. i will always have a place to go. someone will always love me. if i need them, they will be there. unconditionally. forever.
i try not to think about these things. they make me cry. they make me uncomfortable. they make me very, very frightened. to know that at some point, near or far, i will be the only one like me left. alone. an orphan.
i'm very sleepy right now. i ran into dean at the esso this morning. he's so golden. but not in a bright blond way, in a ruddy, reddish way. i have to listen to amelita train trish the temp for the next three days. what a way to have her leave. twenty-four hours of non-stop annoying amelita-speak. ugh.
it's a pity jason didn't come over last night, i was feeling really pretty in my flowing dress, piled-up curls, painted toenails and comfy sweater. not that it matters, i guess. seems he and his landlady are a couple now. people... interesting experiments they are.
speaking of which, my crush is subsiding, thankfully. all that giddy goodness and anxious anticipation has settled down. trust me, it's a good thing. it will enable me to get to know him in a more relaxed environment. i've given him every opportunity to let me go, but he still seems to want to talk to me. i like that. it makes me much happier than thinking he "likes" me.
have to try to get back into my workout routine this week. last week was a bust and this week got off to a bumpy start what with my taking monday off work. i had meant to do something outside in lieu, but the weather was non-cooperative. at least i did a fair amount of dancing around the apartment over the weekend. i was trying to remember all my belly-dancing lessons. who knew i could do that kind of stuff with my hips?
i'm not very interesting right now. i'm hating my job and hating that i don't know what i want out of life. i'm feeling stuck and it's making me grumpy. i have no definite goals (other than getting a car which doesn't smell like it's on fire). maybe the weekend on the island will help. i'll hug my mommy and she'll love me unconditionally and tell me how wonderful and intelligent and beautiful and talented i am and everything will be all right with the world. that's what mommy's are for, right?
i've got a serious case of jodi's mean reds today. it doesn't help that i'm at work and i don't want to be and it's been far too long since my last "o". let's not forget to mention the lingering embarrassment from subjecting a new friend to far too much heather-angst and dysfunction last night.
just wait until tomorrow when, if all goes as plans, you won't believe what i'll have to tell you.
why is it yesterday dragged (drug?) along, seeming to last forever. while today, my illicit day off, is going by too quickly? it's already two-thirty and all i've accomplished is making some fried rice and having a nap. bleh. i can't even conceive of opening a book or going outside. my computer bores the shit out of me and i have no money to see a movie or rent the same.
i bet i'm not the only one who's noticed i'm a little more sexual than usual, either. *sigh* i need me some hot, monkey lovin'. now.
at least my apartment is clean. oh, and i really do think there's something which is smoldering inside the electrics of my car. every time i go out to go somewhere, i expect to find burned-out husk of a geo. yesterday, after doing very little running around, it really stank. like plastic burning. aahhh. i just can't deal with it anymore. *punt*
i need a vacation. a real vacation. somewhere i've never been, with someone who'll cuddle with me at night. someplace with character and ambiance. oh, and it has to be dirt cheap and not too hot. any suggestions?
Definition of Orgasm:
Muscles contract. Release. The universe aligns. Angels sing. Wet. Wetter. Union. Harmony. The Self disintergrates into millions of pulses of energy. The body hums. The soul reverberates. Generally acquired from people whose unique ability to devote attention to small details can make immense things happen, such as, but not limited to: programmers and artists. Acquisition method: sex and in very rare moments masturbation or scintillating discussion
[stolen from nate]
today's been a waste. woke early to meet someone, but fell asleep while waiting. woke again with a headache and a feeling of disconnection from everything. managed to grocery shop and have a long shower. since then, i've tried to nap and watched far too many episodes of st:tng.
i'm now wandering restlessly from room to room (which is a very short trip in my apartment) looking for something, anything, to do. i'm wearing the posh frock i bought to wear atop the space needle last summer. it's nice and cool for this sunny summer day. it just feels weird. i never did get to wear it in seattle.
tomorrow, i may go shopping. i could use another pair of comfy pants. i was half-hoping to hook up with jim for coffee or something while he's in town, but i don't think that will happen. otherwise, i can't really think of much i can do on a week day which won't cost money. god, i really hate being broke. i suppose i just have to keep reminding myself it's all about being debt-free. i'm doing this so i won't owe anymore.
the new neighbours seem to be setting up for a gathering of some sort this evening. i really hope they don't have a lot of kids around. i don't think i could deal with the screeching. speaking of kids, i better phone my mom.
and, no. i didn't keep the stuff i deleted last night. dirty people.
i have just the right amount of tingling and numbness going on around various parts of my body right now and no one to share these happy, touchy, kissy, feely feelings with. the only two "booty calls" i could make are not available to me at the moment. doesn't really matter, i suppose. nature has decided i'm not getting any tonight (or this week) anyway.
too much information? too bad. i'm half-cut and i don't care what falls out of my fingers onto my keyboard. i could write the great canadian novel right now and i wouldn't know it until the next day. i feel so happy!
it's odd, i don't tolerate alcohol well. i usually feel really bad after a couple of drinks. but right now! maybe it's because i didn't eat all day then i had two beer before they brought me the crappiest enchilada on earth. i didn't eat a quarter of it. meg & mark ate pretty much all of my dinner. at least they paid too.
i just deleted a potentially damaging confession about how i get crushes really easily and i spend far too much time imagining scenarios involving myself and the crushee. trust me. it's better i deleted it. especially considering my current state. it got a little raunchy. =)
quote of the evening:
"i haven't eaten and i'm drinking beer. i could be naked in five minutes."
i love my friends. well, okay, i don't love that they dropped me off at home to be all plurry (good word, huh? stole it from jim, i did) by myself. i need a snuggle-buddy. dammit, i should phone phil from the personal ad. or anthony! oh my god. maybe he'd come over and touch me and kiss me! ugh. i'm babbling. i probably shouldn't click "post" but i'm going to anyway. *click*
what's wrong with me? i'm cleaning like i expect company.
currently, the canadian super 7 lottery is worth twenty-four million dollars. tonight's the big draw and the entire country seems to have lotto fever. everyone's asking "what would you do if you won?" well, here's my plan when i win tonight (one task per million).
1. get a cell phone with an unlisted number.
2. move into a (really nice) hotel until i'd found a new place to live.
3. eliminate my parents' debts.
4. set both mom and dad up with generous annuities to keep them in a manner to which they should have become accustomed.
5. eliminate my debts.
6. provide mark & meghan with whatever kind of wedding they desired, wherever they desired it to be.
7. rowan would be able to go to any college she wanted.
8. heather & i would go to australia together a lot sooner than 2010.
9. tyler would be the recipient of a healthy "struggling artist" grant.
10. half of the remainder will be invested to provide a lifetime income.
then, i would:
11. buy a home (either a loft or a cute little character house on a big lot).
12. buy a car (either a volkswagen or an audi TT).
13. quit my job.
14. decorate and furnish my home (which could take months).
15. get a personal trainer.
16. travel (maritimes, england, minnesota, l.a., disneyland!, arkansas, europe, medditeranean, australasia, patagonia)
17. go to university.
18. learn to fly.
19. take photographs.
20. play the piano.
21. open a bookstore.
22. donate money to animal shelters, ms, alzheimers, diabetes & cancer research.
23. dye my hair blue.
24. enroll in a culinary institute.
it's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood and i'm in a freakishly good humour considering the mess we're sorting through with our freshly lost data at work. i want to use fluffy adjectives and draw flowers in the margins, but i'm reigning myself in. too much ebullience. silly girl.
by the way, i hate juan de fuca.
i confessed! it's all good. phew.
*sigh* i had such a pithy little entry going and then aol took over this window and i lost it all. i suppose it's apropos considering the main server here at work is non-functioning so the only thing i can do is play online and email people. so, you can blame aol for your not getting to see the little image gallery thingie i made because i just can't bother linking it again. especially since it pissed me off so much putting it together because i don't know any php or perl well enough to even attempt to automate it. i wish they'd offer that web scripting course during summer session. *kick* then again, i could just read that cgi book i bought last year.
fuck. i can't think.
She had flesh you could dig into. She was very full bodied, the Matisse kind of woman, in an off the shoulder blouse. Her body was so inviting. Part of it was because she had so much vitality and confidence. Compared to her, the pared-down exercised people were robots. She was the real human body, the sexiest thing around.
-- from "juicy tomatoes" by susan swartz
in lieu of anything remotely resembling content, i present to you a lesson in international beverage consumption. i've been amusing myself by reading up on the different brands of drinks the coca-cola company makes and markets around the world.
favourite brand name: thumbs up
beverage i want to try: fiavoranti
i updated my about page. prizes for anyone who can find all the changes.
last night, i dreamt that i was smoking. when i read my post about my non-smoking anniversary i instantly felt guilty that i'd smoked last night, not realizing that it was only a dream.
it's snowing.
i just spent $39.90 to discover that i wasn't as good a photographer as i remembered, and the boys i thought were cute in highschool were too skinny and looked gay with their tightly rolled white jeans.
so, it's been two months and some number of days since i stopped smoking. let's see what the results have been:
- i can smell
- i can taste
- i don't stink
- morning breath is almost non-existant
- my chest "gurgle" is gone
- my car smells good again
- i can afford to go out once a week extra
- i'm not afraid to get caught by dad/landlord/co-worker
- my teeth are whiter
- my friends are on the patch
- i've lost five pounds
it seems like i've not smoked for a really long time. i can't believe how much i don't miss it. go me!
while going through my junk drawer this morning, i found a hires rootbeer lollipop, three packages of dental floss, a little silver whistle, an alpha swords to plowshares magic: the gathering card and three temporary penguin tattoos.
what a good idea that was!
what a great way to start the day! a boquet of tulips! if you know co-workers with gardens, compliment them on their flowers, you might just get some for yourself, too! they smell so lovely! every time i inhale i smile. this is going to be such a good thursday! i wish i had a camera so i could share them with you.
my dreams were a wild ride last night. in one, jason came back into town and we cleared up misunderstandings about why we haven't seen each other in a year (but i had the suspicion that he was just looking for nookie). then meghan showed up and invited us both to new westminster to play cards. i thought for sure jay would decline but he was right up for it. next thing i knew we were at a rave in an old fabric store and meghan was parking cars out back to pay for our semi-illegal tickets. then i dreamt about this guy who's replied to my personal ad on four different occasions.
wow, i just pulled a cat hair out of my shirt. one of meghan's cat's hairs. cool.
i'm still agog at completing my full-on cardio-fest last night. stop scoffing. not all of us can run marathons or be naturally thin. after fifteen minutes i thought "i can quit when i get to twenty minutes." after twenty minutes i thought "okay, i can do five more." after twenty-five minutes i thought "just... one... minute... more..." each minute until i'd gotten to thirty. i was sweaty and purple and exhausted. stretching has never felt so good. water never tasted so sweet. i must have been drunk on endorphins because i didn't even mind the extra commute. when i got home i treated myself to pasta for dinner.
god, these flowers smell so good!
karen & i are going to see spider-man on sunday afternoon. at that point, i think we should discuss the possibility of us sharing an apartment. i have a lot of reservations about having a roommate, even if it is her. silly concerns like who owns the condiments in the fridge? do you buy them together or does each person have their own? who's in charge of filling up the brita? what about tv? i don't want the tv in my room, but who gets the right to veto? if it's mine, i think i should. i'd appreciate any suggestions from those in the roommate know.
i guess i'll have to register this as a domain too...
zaftig (ZAF-tik, -tig) adjective
Full-figured, pleasingly plump, buxom.
[From Yiddish zaftik (juicy), from Middle High German (saftec), from saft (juice), from Old High German saf (sap).]
i think this is going to be a day i might regret.
because it was supposed to be hot today, i didn't wear a jacket. now there is some serious cloud cover. i bet it's going to rain. i'm also going to attempt an after-work workout schedule. thirty minutes of pure cardio before i go home. i've done it before, so it shouldn't be too hard. i just hate sitting in the extra traffic which builds between four and five pm. especially when i'm all hot and sweaty. i need to remember to start bringing an extra bottle of water for the drive. *mental note*
i feel like i waste too much time. i've discussed this before, but it's valid. last night i was sitting at home, eating my dinner, watching something stupid on tv. my balcony door was open and i could see the neighbours across the lane doing yard work. my first thought was "how can they be out there doing chores after work? aren't they tired?" all i do when i get home is turn into a slug. *poof* hessie the magic gastropoda. i'm lucky if i can wash my dinner dishes or put in a load of laundry. i don't go out. i don't *do* anything. i watch tv or fuck around on the computer. i have an average of 5.5 hours between the time i get home and the time i go to bed on any given work day. i should use that time more efficiently. i should use it to study something or make something or go somewhere or talk to someone. but i don't. i just sit there and contemplate my navel or, at best, read some stupid sci-fi novel.
doing the math, i spend an average of 10.5 hours every day either getting ready for, on my way to, at or on the way home from work and, on average, 8 hours sleeping. that 5.5 hours is all i have for me for days a week (fridays don't count as i routinely blow the shit out of my sleep schedule in order to stay up late). i don't do anything because i've somehow justified my sloth by waving up the tally of time i spend for work. "look! two-thirds of your waking day is used for someone else! you must now do nothing to compensate for all that something you do during that time!"
i need a new job. or at least some new hobbies. i think i'll look at the summer session calendar and see if there are any courses i want to take at bcit. i need to exercise my brain. god knows my job doesn't do it for me.
