October 2002 Archives

happy hallowe'en! i hope everyone is having a suitably ghouly day.

i'm scaring my co-workers why wandering around in my lumberjack plaid, "nice people swallow" t-shirt and bloo hair. actually, i'm getting lots of compliments on the hair. maybe i will dye it bloo!

around these parts, it seems that more people dress up their homes for hallowe'en than for xmas, which i find really interesting. maybe because october 31st is a non-partisan holiday with little to no religious connotations (excepting, of course, any pagan symbolism as most people don't consider it a religion). i like driving by houses all decked out in their scary spendor. it makes me wish i were 10 again so i could go door to door and see what the grownups are wearing and if they still make the kids do tricks for their treats.

by the way, about the last post, just be proud of me and keep your fingers crossed. i'm sure i'll explain later, when i have more to say about it.

i can't believe i did it. it's only taken, what, eleven months? *deep breath*
now i just have to make sure i don't chicken out before monday.

really good sleep last night.
warm bed + cold room = hard to get up this morning.
boss is back from france.
lots of work to do.
no, not related to return of boss!
got boss to help with homework.
stressing about assignment due this saturday.
lots more work to do.
showing off wedding picture.
mmm, someone brought in chocolate.
must brush wig tonight.
almost quitting time.
hm, lips feel chapped.
just a little more work before i go...

"herc! help me, herc!"

wow, many thanks to heather and lance for the timewarp. i wonder if i can get a copy of the episodes on dvd...

suddenly, i'm freakishly motivated to learn and do things. maybe it's having battled through another painful php regular expression assignment last night or the time change or the sudden appearance of the sun after almost two weeks of grey or all the good sleep i've been getting the last few nights. whatever it is, i'm glad of it. now i just wish i didn't have to waste so much time doing dreary work-like things. instead, i want to write more php and test out some new css tricks i learned and try out some vnc software. i want to go take photos of my old, built in 1910 elementary school. i want to wash my car! i want to buy smelly candles to keep me company at night. i want to get a ventimochasomethingorother and sit at the quay and watch the pigeons.

i wonder... is there such a thing as fall fever? maybe these semi-annual invigorations are courtesy of the equinoxes. whatever, i don't much care where it comes from, i'm just really glad it's here.

bring out the clowns! this girl's ready to play!

1. What is your favorite scary movie?
this is tough as i'm not a real scary movie fan. but, i liked dark city, rosemary's baby and flatliners. oh yeah, and the blair witch project.

2. What is your favorite Halloween treat?
i think my sentimental favourite is that crappy, brown toffee-like stuff in the orange & black wrappers. the first taste is really foul, but then it slowly gets yummier the longer you chew it.

3. Do you dress up for Halloween? If so, describe your best Halloween costume.
i don't get really decked out, but i usually put on something. my best costume was in 5th or 6th grade. i got a square box, painted it white with plack pips, cut out arm and head holes and went as a die. i still intend to one day copy that, but paint it as a rubic's cube.

4. Do you enjoy going to haunted houses or other spooky events?
i don't think i've ever been to a haunted house, but i'd go if i was invited.

5. Will you dress up for Halloween this year?
this year i'm dressing up as a disgruntled government employee... in a blue wig.

i'm a dirty, rotten procrastinator lately. instead of working, i've been buying prints from daprints this morning. something for me, something for mom. see? it's not always only about me! except when it's about my newest shoes....

aren't they lovely? don't mind the dirty window behind them. obviously my cleaning hasn't been very thorough.

i guess i haven't yet mentioned the wedding, huh? the short story is they're now married. the long story starts the day before while meghan i had lunch at the marina grill (where i took this photo).

the details aren't that important, but she was having some reservations about the guest list, or lack thereof, and was starting to reconsider the wisdom of not having her parents present at the ceremony. so, we discussed them and any resolutions we could see. it was a stalemate, so i tried to cheer her up as best i could. we went shopping (where i bought the above shoes and a pair of tommy hilfiger jeans for only forty bucks) and did some other last minute running around which somehow deposited us back at my place with some cold beer and limewire downloading music for their wedding cd.

it's kind of funny, but meghan and i don't get a lot of time to hang out with just the two of us. we're usually at her place or out at a pub with mark or dean. we talked about that and how different we think we'd have turned out if my parents had stayed together and hers had divorced. we talked about how we've changed since highschool. we talked about needy friends vs easy friends. all the while listening to good music and just enjoying some girl-time together. i'm going to attempt to talk her into doing that more often... once her schedule clears up a little, that is.

after the music was made and the beer was drunk, meg went home to discuss a possible change in plans with her intended while i rushed out to attempt to find something to wear. i'd decided on my blue skirt and my new black shoes, but i didn't have anything non-black to wear as a top and meghan had practially pleaded with me not to wear black. i suppose my wardrobe is a tad on the dark side. upon arriving at the mall, the same store i'd been in a week earlier which had absolutely nothing which appealed to me was magically filled with things i was dying to try on! must have had at least twenty different things in the change room with me. from red stretchy pants to a black crinolin skirt and everything in between. i finally managed to sneak out with a new burgundy tank and three finalists for the wedding shirt competition. it was up to meghan to pick the winner.

saturday was a stressful nightmare. i had class first thing, after a night with practially no sleep. i was so nervous about everything, i couldn't even finish my peantbutter toast. school was a mess, i couldn't concentrate and everything took so long i didn't think i'd get out of there on time. i ran from the room at exactly noon saying "sorry, can't stay! got a wedding to photograph!" from there, i met meghan at the salon where she was getting her hair and makeup done. holy shit... i had no idea it took so long to make three million little curls pinned up atop one's head. i got there about noon-thirty and we didn't get out of there until two! and we still had to pick up her bouquet (where we ran into one of my building-mates) and stop at my place so i could get ready.

once i was dressed, coiffed and made up, i took meghan to her parent's house where the ceremony was now to take place (obviously, she decided that parents would have to be invited). from there, i had to go pick up dean and taxi him to the house. on the way, i stopped at london drugs to buy more memory for the camera as i'd somehow misplaced my extra media card. when i walked in, all dressed up with fancy hair, lipstick and all at 3pm on a saturday afternoon, i felt really out of place. i hurried the poor (yet, cute) photodesk guy through my transaction because i was seriously running out of time.

the ceremony was short, but sweet. mark choked up during his vows and kept looking over meg's shoulder at me because looking at her made him almost cry more. every time he did, i'd make a face at him which i hoped said "hey! stop looking at me! i'm not your bride!" he probably thought i had to sneeze. i probably would have cried too, but it would have fogged up the viewfinder on the camera. we had cake and champagne and a little mingle with the rellies before the original four of us took off for our dinner reservations at the salmon house. when we arrived (late), there was a bottle of champagne and chilled glasses waiting for us which meghan's landlady had arranged without anyone's knowledge. unbeknownst to us, she'd also arranged to pay for the entire dinner! if we'd known, we would have ordered the really expensive wine.

we were all exhausted by the time we left and pretty much all went directly home to our beds. i can't imagine people having weddings with more than 12 people and also arranging receptions or more elaborate affairs. remind me to elope if i'm ever to wed. oh, and to never photograph another wedding i'm a guest at, either.

my sense of time is completely fucked up today.

it started with getting up at 7:30 am and continued with arriving at the mall half an hour before anything was actually open because it felt like noon when i left the house. now it feels like nine or ten at night when it's not even half-past five. ugh. i tried to have a nap when i got home, but ended up watching a railroad history on the knowledge network (i come from a railroad family. trains are in my blood.) and the tail end of some big special on a&e about hair. yeah, it was made for me.

at least i did get some things accomplished. paella was made, grocery shopping was done, clothes were returned, birthday presents were purchased, book was read, dishes were washed, garbage was dumpstered. i even started the track list for the cd swap cd i'm supposed to have sent already if it's to get to its intended by the november 6th deadline. oops! i should be doing more homework since i have so fuckng much this week... but i'm procrastinating again.

lately i've been dwelling on how boring i am. or at least seem to be. i told jeremy that i was boring the other day and he fairly jumped down my throat about it. he'll deny that, but it kinda felt that way. at least i know he only does it because he thinks the world of me and it pisses him off when i say depricating things about myself. i obviously haven't been writing here, and for all the running around and things i've been doing, it hasn't felt like i've accomplished much. i just got lost for a little while. i didn't care about a lot of things other than trying to get more than one good night's sleep during the week or feeling clausterphobic by the pig-pen state of my apartment. most of these thing are working themselves out. i'm suddenly unbusy socially, so i've been able to take care of the crap on the home front which settles me down in a lot of ways. i'm a trademark cancerian in that respect. if my house is a wreck, so am i. now things are neat and cozy and warm and nestlike, just in time for a winter full of movie rentals and hot chocolate book reading.

i'm been spending a lot (a LOT) of money lately. on stupid things. i look at the stuff i've paid for in the last little bit and i give myself a swift mental ass-kick. i was doing so well financially, then things got busy and being busy seems to cost a lot of fucking money these days. a social life is bloody expensive! not only is it spiritually rejuvenating to be a recluse, it's frugal, too!

what other terrifyingly dull things can i mention... i have a case of achilles tendonitis in my right ankle which i self-diagnosed thanks to the internet. i'd go to a doctor, but i can do the r.i.c.e. therapy just as well as they can and i really don't need another prescription for naproxen to rip out whatever's left of my stomach lining, thankyouverymuch. it's not bad today, but i know that's just the pain's sneaky way of getting me to overdo it with false hopes of being cured just so it can come back tomorrow and make me whimper with every step again. pain is malicious like that, i've found.

i finally finished the wheel of time series this week. nine very long books which took me far, far, far too long to read. i just don't spent a lot of time reading books anymore, and that really annoys me. anyway, after a good nine months of epic fantasy, i've decided to read a little non-fiction for a while, which is something a very rarely do. i started fast food nation the other day. so far, i've been sucked right in. schlosser's a great writer and the book is filled with fun trivia. i like fun trivia and entertaining asides. i haven't even read any of the gross stuff i hear is in there, but i'm already finding myself looking critically at chain stores in a new and derisive light. not only fast food chains. the whole franchising culture is creepy if you really think about it. you can go into any town in any city and find the same gas stations, grocers, convenience, clothing, sporting, and video stores! yeah, it can produce a comfort in unfamilar surroundings but what about diversity? no, burger king selling tacos doesn't count for that, either. i'm not a ranter, so i'll leave that to the ones who actually formulate good arguements about things, but this book is scary in a very good way. everyone should read it!

okay, that's enough for now. i bet you're all really sorry i started typing today, huh?

oh, yeah... and there's a new webcam picture for the none of you who complained. ;)

i just cracked a nasty problem in my php homework and now i'm hungry. and bored. while procrastinating actually starting said homework, i somehow managed to clean two of three rooms in my apartment. the place is looking really damn neat and cozy. it deserves smelly candles and company.

so, who's coming over with a video and a big order of thai food?

heh... blogger's been hacked. don't i feel smug for using greymatter!

to whomever it was who gave me this cold:

there was absolutely no reason for you to give me germs which are, at this very moment, having a snot party in my sinuses. i get the whole "generosity of spirit" thing you have going on, but couldn't you have kept it to a "have a nice day" instead?

*sneeze*

ugh. more chunks on the monitor. i've already gone through a box of tissue today. this is ridiculous...

be afraid. if i find you, your ass will be thoroughly whooped.

lovingly yours,
heather

1. How many TVs do you have in your home? one.

2. On average, how much TV do you watch in a week? it's turned on an awful lot, but usually just as company. i watch about... 8-10 hours a week.

3. Do you feel that television is bad for young children? yes.

4. What TV shows do you absolutely HAVE to watch, and if you miss them, you're heartbroken? alias, gilmore girls, buffy the vampire slayer, & amazing race.

5. If you had the power to create your own television network, what would your line-up look like? it would have continuations of all my favourite shows which were cancelled prematurely.

today, for the first time, i buried a friend. up until now it's only been family members (immediate or extended) who've passed. i didn't like it one bit. i just sat and stared at the shiny brass handles of his casket, my eyes leaking while i listened to the eulogies. now my head is pounding and i think i could use another cry.

one day, i hope to have the time, energy and inclination to actually write something well thought out or at least vaguely interesting again.

jim's back! this absofuckinglutely makes my day. love you, poopsie!

my oldest friend got married yesterday! more later, i'm recuperating.

they should include little plastic tweezers with bags of cheetos so that you can eat them without getting that orange powder all over your fingers, mouse, keyboard...

i went home last night and finally had a good cry. we'll all miss chris terribly around here, but there's no point in wallowing in it. i snuck into his office this morning and took one of his signature koosh balls. i doubt very much anyone will mind.

after my sobfest, i got it together enough to sort through my weekend pictures. i think i need another bigger memory card for the camera. good thing xmas is coming soon.

i have some homework which needs doing before saturday's class and i'm still not sure what the hell i'm wearing to the wedding. i've told meghan i'm wearing my pajamas just like i did to the bar on friday night. she's jealous.

i was going to write about my weekend on the island, but upon arriving here at work this morning to hear that cute, recently-divorced chris was found dead in his apartment on saturday morning i'm not quite in the mood to talk about what i did for thanksgiving. i keep hoping it's a mistake or even some sick joke.

he was such a lovely man...

sleep is starting to be a concern. i'm either not getting the proper quality or quantity. it could possibly even be that i really should invest in a new mattress for the futon. all i know is that i'm not very excited about going to the island for thanksgiving because it means i will not get to sleep in for another weekend.

i remember the good old days when weekends meant i would sleep for twelve or fourteen hours a night and then lay in bed reading for a few hours more after waking. i miss that. a lot.

so, yeah... keb and i are going to hang out with mom, a turkey and some pie for a couple of days. it'll be fun to be the three of us together again. and i might just even find a dress to wear to the wedding while i'm there.

p.s. someone really needs to donate to my playstation2 fund so that i can get the new tomb raider: angel of darkness and dragon's lair 3d when they come out.

this is amazing! i'm completely in love with amazon.ca (yes, that's amazon-dot-see-aye)! i ordered this book on tuesday and it was waiting for me when i came home today. that's two days. TWO DAYS for a book to arrive! it's a miracle! it's fantastic! i never knew anything could be delivered so quickly. usually everything goes through customs and then i get a notice that i have to pick it up at the postal outlet. two weeks minimum. wow, this rocks. i'm giddy!

i'm not in the mood for data entry. i'd rather be doing more php tweaking and debugging. unfortunately, the mounds of entering have only grown as i fiddled with scripts and webserver permissions. i really need to talk to my boss about evolving my position into something a lot less menial in nature.

they took me downstairs into the basement, luring me with promises of candy and gentle whispering. i had no idea what was in store for me. i signed my name on the dotted line and then it happened. the woman with the devil inside her yanked down the neck of my shirt to expose my tender flesh to the harsh flourescent lights and chilly recycled air. before i could even comprehend my predicament she had a needle stuck in my arm! the pain! the agony! i didn't think i'd live to see the dawn. then, as soon as it begun it was over, and i was thrust out the door into the grey light of mid-afternoon with an orange lollipop in my hand.

yeah, yeah... i had my first flu shot today. it wasn't so bad, except for the psychosomatic tingles and numbness i'm feeling travelling up and down my arm. i keep expecting vile reactions. i mean, they just shot virii into me, afterall. there's got to be some reaction somewhere inside. then i get paranoid and wonder if all this "get your flu shot!" rah-rah by doctors and medical pundits is just some evil plot to infect us all with some sort of tracking dna. ahh!! we're all going to die!

you'd think with such reservations, regardless of how ludicrous, i'd stay as far from that needle as possible. normally, i would agree completely! but, at some time over the last few months, i was thinking about the flu shot process and came to the decision that i would get one this year. i had a really good reason, too. it had to have been good for me to go through with it. the funny thing is, i can't remember what that reason was now. probably some subliminal message in my daily dose of buffy. those ratbastards are getting too sneaky!

for all you anti-monarchists who bitch and moan about canada not needing a queen, i have one thing to say...

if it weren't for them, we'd be american.

it's almost disgusting how much better i feel now that i've taken control of my living space. last night, i buckled down and whipped up a fantabulous stir-fry from the dregs of vegetables in the crisper, did the dishes, washed four loads of laundry, took out the trash, and cleaned off most every horizontal surface of unnecessary clutter.

the relief was almost palpable as i sat down at the computer for a evening chat with one of my favourite people. i even had a decent night's sleep, praise whoever's in charge of such things!

lately, i've been finding myself completely intimidated when i look at other people's magnificent photography. miss julie, jim, andrea and all those uber-talented people who submit to photojunkie's contests. i despair of ever having a even a smidgeon of their skill. i worry that my studying their photography will somehow contaminate mine. like webpage designing, it's difficult not to be influenced by what you see. elements of other's work infiltrates yours, often without notice.

i don't want to copy these people, but i definitely want to learn from them. i want to know how julie makes images that are so creamy and rich. i want to know how jim can make the mundane so curious. i want to know how derrick manages to make even the blurriest photo strangely clear.

maybe i look at my photos too much, too closely. i've managed to blind myself to their charms by overexposing myself to them. i know i have a long way to go. my ratio of good to crap is still far too large, but i hope i'm getting better. i want to improve. this is something i've always enjoyed and have been waiting to get back into for years. i still get giddy when i look at my camera and think of the possibilities it brings.

i don't think i'll stop looking at everyone's photos, but i hope i'll stop wishing mine could be like theirs. someday i'll find my own style, my own voice. when that happens, watch out!

kill me now! i have that stupid song by that american idol chick stuck in my head, dammit!

ow.

well, i did the 5km because, well, everybody else was doing it. by the time we started up the on-ramp to the cambie street bridge it was all i could do to keep going. sandy would ask how i was doing and i'd grinace* and reply "i'm not dead yet".

brunch afterwards was a lovely treat. nothing like an egg-white vegetarian omelette and two nummy cappucinos to make one forget about the throbbing in one's lower extremities.

i'm sore today. on top of exercising outside my normal range, while injured, i haven't slept properly in about a week. i'm stressing out about all the stuff i need to do for me, for the wedding, for school, for work. gah. just thinking about it freaks me out. so i'm not going to think about it. i'm making like an ostrich and burying my head in the sand. just call me avoidance girl.

*a grinace is a combination grin/grimace one makes when they're ruefully commenting on something unpleasant.

date: sunday, october something
time: six-fucking-thirty a.m.
action: breakfast-eating, coffee-drinking, dressed-getting
purpose: get out of house by oh-seven-hundred
idiotic rational for such a purpose: CIBC run for the cure

if it wasn't such a good cause, i'd be a lot more cranky than i already am. i'm actually mostly annoyed that i can't do the 5km course because i did something which is making my ankle feel like my achilles tendon is separating from whatever it is it's attached to. the one kilometre course will be enough of a hoof for this gimpy girl. dammit, i'm not impressed.

well, at least i'll be done before everyone else and will have time to take pictures. i hope.

did i mention i bought a tripod yesterday? i was trying to find a dress to wear to the wedding. i think i'll look really hot wearing the tripod, don't you?

look! crappy photos in lieu of thoughtful content.

okay, so i'm wearing my sexy new pants today with some up-the-butt-crack underwear (to avoid unsightly visible panty line), but we were having issues with the underwear being visible *above* the low-rise waist. totally annoying.

my solution? i took them off.

it's commando day in hessie-land. fear me! i wear no undies! rawr!

after four hours of doing homework i went to sleep and dreamt i was in a php script which made people bald. ugh.

test

and it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
i want what's yours and i want what's mine
i want you, but i'm not giving in this time

-- goodbye to you by michelle branch

this weekend, after half-watching a special on much more music, i've decided that i need to listen to the dave matthews band. i haven't up until now and i think it's about time.

now i just have to figure out if i should start at the beginning and work forward or listen from the newest to oldest. any hints?

i made a new shirt. this one is just for the girls.

"i adore you," he said. "i think you are going to be very dangerous for my heart."

she shivered and lowered her eyes, not knowing how to reply. biting her lip, she looked up at him and said, "i can accept that, if you can accept that i think you're nuts for doing so."

he nodded in that sleepy way of his and started brushing her hair.

---

"i'm ready to let someone love me," she said. "i'm ready to let you love me."

he lowered the brush from her hair and exhaled slowly. pulling her back against his chest, he rested his scratchy chin on her naked shoulder.

"yeah," she said softly. "i know."