November 2002 Archives

i'm bored.

i fell asleep while listening to the hockey game in a darkened room with the uber-blankie keeping me cozy. i woke up two hours and a freaky, weirdo dream later absolutely convinced i'd been asleep all night, but not at all groggy.

i watched all the shows i'd taped all week. i submitted a photo to picture yourself. i did my pilates video.

now, i feel freakishly awake and energized, and i don't want to waste it. it's too late to go out anywhere, really and there's no way i'm going to do homework today. maybe i'll scrub the shower or cook something. maybe i'll play some black & white. i'll probably just go to bed and (hopefully) get up early tomorrow and do those things.

i absolutely love the fog, but the horns are starting to annoy me.

by the way, i'm disappointed no one wants a holiday card. you people suck!

upset tummy. =(

i spent last night not doing anything at all related to homework. most of the night was spent chatting, playing stupid computer games and listening to ariz0na and spyguy mixing live over the internet. wow, i sound like i might actually know what the hell i'm talking about. or maybe not. it's entirely jim's fault that i listen to progressive now. too bad i can't blame him for my loving it, too.

i'm sure i've previously mentioned that i live in a heritage house, built somewhere around 1913 and originally used as a boy's school. there was a small blurb in the local paper about it last week. luckily one of my neighbours clipped it and put it up in the hall for us to see, or i would have missed it. of course, i stole the clip to scan here at work. i'll put it back when i get home, but i'm sure someone will be pissed when they notice it's missing. i thought it would be cool to make a comparision between the photo they took in the 1940's and one i took when i moved in. if you're interested, you can see it here.

my hair hates me. i should punish it.

i'm half-way done my xmas shopping and it's not even december yet. this has got to be a first.

if you love me, you will buy me these. no, really. buy them for me.

i'm thinking i'll send out holiday cards this year. if you'd like to receive one, please email me your mailing address. the random cut-off date for requests will be... december 14th.

american thanksgiving has totally disrupted my life. the internet is very quiet because everyone is off eating turkey and pumpkin pie. all the blogs i read are dead and jeremy's not at work so i have no one to chat with all day. not to mention how the entire television schedule for the week has been completely mangled because they networks never show new episodes on thanksgiving. why do they do that? it's a perfect chance to snag a captive, tryptophan-laden audience who're stuck on their sofas after dinner! then again, i'm probably just jealous because i'm not getting a four-day weekend.

jim said about me: "heather: you hate talking about yourself so much you blog every day!"

i've been thinking about that. yeah, it seems like a contradiction that i hate talking about myself but i write about my life online. i think he's missed an integral... something. i don't often talk about myself here. i talk about my life and what i've done or seen or heard. i talk about things and stuff. it's quite rare that i write about something deeply personal. i have no trouble writing about the superficial crap that goes on in my day-to-day existance, but when it comes to share the significant issues and occurances, the ones i feel strongly about, the ones that hurt and make me start to cry or throw things or the ones that make me smile and feel loved and appreciated by just a very simple gesture, i don't share those very often. especially not here. i'm not sure why that is, i just don't.

i've never been very good at letting people in emotionally. i'm a true cancer that way... a tough outer shell to protect the quivering inside bits. my emotions are easily hurt and i've gotten much picker at who i let see them as i've gotten older. i used to think that if i gave of myself that people would reciprocate in kind. now, i expect people to take advantage of it. i sometimes wonder if that's how everyone becomes as they age. is cyncism a nature or nurture condition? i'd like to believe it's the latter, just so that i can still hold on to the dream that people are inherently good and they become jaded because of experiences, not genetics.

of course, i just made a liar of myself. oddly, it proved my point as well.

cake was a bad idea. it tasted wonderful and i got a piece with two roses on it, but now i'm in this weird sugar coma-esque trance-like state where anything other than slowly typing this into a pastel blue box seems like way too much of an effort. dude.

it's funny... i miss jason today.

there's a special place in hell for people who ruin surprises.

we've been planning marie's birthday lunch for over a week. up until irene opened her big gob this morning, we had her convinced the entire department was filled with heartless bastards who didn't care to take her out for her special day. she was going to be so surprised to arrive at the thai place and find sixteen people waiting there for her to arrive.

i'm completely pissed off. *seethe*

oh well... at least there will be cake. mmm, cake.

sometimes, i can't believe how beautiful it is here. the weather has been abnormally blissful all summer and fall with promises of more gorgeous winter sunsets like this one to come. god, i fucking love living here. y'all are insane to not live here, too.

after three and a half hours straight coding last night, i'm about halfway through assignment #3 (which is due this saturday). sometime today day or tomorrow day i have to write up a draft of our xml presentation to send jane for her perusal. i can't do that tonight because i'm buying a birthday cake and going to indigo with ritchie after work then i'm back to the coding. i don't want to still be working on this friday night, thankyouverymuch.

did i mention i dreamt about my homework last night? i can't wait until this class is over.

when i woke up this morning, my knee was functioning within design specifications for the first time in several weeks. it must be my birthday present from the universe. yay!

of course, now that i've said it out loud, i'm going to fall down or slip and detatch my whole lower leg or something.

today is my best friend meghan's belly button anniversary and my fifth birthday here at work... and i celebrated by being late! wow, i can't belive it's been five years already. five years since i left the island and moved back to north vancouver. five years of reconnecting with my father. five years of getting up at 6am and driving in city traffic. all in all, it hasn't been so bad, i guess. here's to another five (hopefully with a lot less data entry)!

i don't know why i'm procrastinating so bloody much. oh, right, because i hate javascript and really have no desire to do any of this assignment. yeah, okay, i know. no choice. i signed up for this. it's my own damn fault. i know! oh, did i mention that this course is going to be two separate sections starting next term? one section for just php and one section for just javascript. *sigh* now they do this!? how not fair is that? then again, i get it in one term, which saves me money and time, but still... this has been a holy terror in terms of work load. at least jason has promised the final to be "very easy" because the quizzes, labs and assignments have proven our understanding of the material. all i can say to that is if he's misleading us, i will find him and do something ungentle to his corporeal self.

1. lab #15
2. assignment #3 YAY!!
3. first draft of assignment #5 presentation
4. attempt assignment #4 for bonus marks
5. attempt assignment #6 for more bonus marks
6. finish laundry
7. grocery shop
8. wash dishes
9. buy dad's last xmas gift
10. frame mom's xmas gift
11. buy mark's xmas gift
12. buy karen's, dean's, meg's, brenda's and mom's last xmas gifts
13. go to doctor about knee (knee doesn't hurt anymore, no need for doctor)
14. reply to half a dozen one rather important email
15. phone about the two apartments in today's paper (not willing to move yet)
16. get oil changed in car
17. clean interior car windows
18. clean apartment windows
19. take out garbage
20. iron
21. cook something to eat this week
22. research car-buying posibilities (i don't have enough money)
23. take camera in to be repaired/replaced
24. buy marie's birthday cake
25. go to dentist (rescheduled)
26. abuse 20% discount at chapters

i'm doing a really effective job of delaying actually starting the insane amount of homework i have to do in the next six days. i'm doing laundry, i'm blogging, i'm checking on the football teams i bet on, i'm making food, i'm blogging, i'm tidying... who knows how far this will go. i may even clean the bathroom before i start on homework. so sad i am.

by the way, mr. noodles hong kong ramen rocks the free world. that is all.

you know those advent calendars they come out with at xmas time? the ones with little chocolates behind each of the numbered doors? well, it's a tradition in my family that i get an advent calendar every december. when they first started there were only pictures behind the doors, but it was still a lot of fun to open a new door every morning and discover what lay behind it. when the chocolate ones started coming out circa 1985, everything changed. i mean, come on. where chocolate is involved, people sometimes go a little crazy.

well, over the years i've morphed my advent calender tradition into something dark and a little a sad. when i get my my calendar for the year, i immediately open all of the doors and eat all of the chocolate. every last one of them. then i close all the little doors and open them again on their proper days leading up until xmas. that is my confession, may i burn in hell.

here's an appropriately-themed photo i took while stuck in traffic for two hours last night. no wonder they call them jingle bells! *snark*

i want to know what's up with musical interludes in wb/upn shows lately. dawson's creek had at least fifteen minutes of no doubt footage in one episode a couple of weeks ago. it was also pretty obvious they'd even re-shot closeups of gwen and the boys just so they'd look really pretty on camera. i'm as much a fan as most people, but i don't watch teen dramas for the music video factor. then there were the last couple of buffy episodes, five or more minutes devoted to the singer at the bronze. the second was aimee mann, and, honestly, she's not really fun to look at so i'd rather not, if if you don't mind, mr. whedon.

in other news, tyler phoned at 1:46 this morning. i was so startled by the noise, i actually tried to turn my alarm off before i realized it was the phone. we talked for a while, it was nice. i've been misisng him lately. what was not nice (besides the obvious of being woken up in the middle of a really good sleep) was realizing that a TWO FUCKING AM the upstairs neighbour still had music on. it wasn't *loud* but it was loud enough for me to hear every bass beat (or whatever they're called). she finally turned it off around three-something, just as i was getting off the phone and trying to go back to sleep. i'm fairly sure loud-talking-guy was there and the music was to camoflague sex noises. honestly, i'd rather hear them screw. *sigh* that's pretty much it, my tolerance is tapped. next offence i'm calling the bloody landlord. at two am if i have to.

jerermy did half my homework for me last night. i've never been good at writing synopses, so he authored a wee blurb about xml for my group project outline i have to hand in today. i don't like half my group and i'm running out of time to do any kind of work on it. for me, at least, this is all moot. i'm taking a proper xml class next term. oh well. after class is elaine's housewarming out in ladner. whee! then, hopefully, cards with m&m and dean tonight.

okay, i'm off to consume coffee and cold pizza before class. happy saturday, everyone!

i want to stand in the middle of the highway on a dark, foggy morning and take pictures of traffic... from within it. i want to capture the sense of it. it will never happen, but i wish it would.

this isn't shaping up to be a very good day. nothing is going right. the day is speeding past and i'm not getting anything accomplished. i'm feeling stressed and anxious and every small mistake makes me want to either throw something or cry like a baby. if i was smart, i'd just go home or ditch the stuff which is frustrating me and do something a little more emotionally fulfilling. but, even thinking of either of those options brings up the frustration and unhappy i'll feel on monday when i arrive to all the things i didn't do today just because i was in a bad mood. sometimes having an over-active sense of responsibility is a fucking pain in the ass.

went downtown (granville is downtown isn't it, derrick?) last night after work. parked at my favourite parkade. walked down to the bay and met up with karen. had dinner at white spot. had my first starbucks egg nog latte. stood in a line on the street. watched the emperor's club preview screening. drove to kits. came home. babbled to jim. went to bed.

hessie: i've sent three packages to three different countries in three days.
dor: how global of you.
hessie: i know!

hessie: have i told you my plan?
dor: nope.
hessie: well, i think i need to date a massage therapist.
hessie: so i'm going to hang out outside the massage therapy school.
hessie: snag me a man.
dor: hah.
dor laughs
dor: good plan.
hessie: but what i realized on saturday...
hessie: my cousin's husband (whose housewarming i'm going to this week) is a massage therapist.
dor: you can't date him, though.
hessie: i should try to get him to hook me up with his massage therapist friends!
dor laughs
dor: you just need to date a guy who gives good massages.
hessie: why suffer with an amateur when i can get me a trained professional?

this is entirely heather's fault. i mean, it really should be illegal for me to post something this adorable so early in the morning (make sure your speakers are turned up).

so, i'm pretty much in love with bill, the vancouverite who was on last night's episode of blind date. he looks okay and seems genuinely charming, but i didn't really think he was hot until i heard him on the radio this morning. holy fucking crap. that man has a voice i want to dive into and drown in. *drip*

i dreamt i won the lottery last night. i split $500,000 with four or five other people. i remember the numbers exactly, but i know they can't be right 'cause you can't have 60 in the 6/49. i better buy a ticket, just in case. i mean, it is almost exactly a year since the last time i won.

i just realized i've been walking around all day with my bra half-undone.

i'm still sick, but i sound much worse than i feel so i'm getting lots of co-worker sympathy. it's been a busy weekend, but i don't want to talk about it. i'm seriously reconsidering the wisdom of having registered for another saturday class next term. i'm not a very good people photographer, but the wedding pictures have been well-received nonetheless. if you want to see them (not that you would want to), let me know and i'll point you in their direction. i pigged out on orange juice and potato chips yesterday. how sad is that? too much work to do. i'll try and be coherent later.

she didn't freak out and drop dead bunnies onto my balcony. instead she left a very pleasant and apologetic note (and actually commisserated because it seems the woman beside her upstairs is annoying with her music!). now i'm kicking myself i didn't do that sooner. i might have saved myself three years of torture.

p.s. the totally juicy grapefruit peel-off masque fucking burns when applied to freshly exfoliated skin.

oh yeah... this is such a low-tolerance day. i actually found myself looking for a fight earlier, just to have the opportunity to rip someone a new asshole. *sigh* i think i need medicinal ice cream.

last night, i finally got fed up enough with the annoying upstairs neighbour to write her a note (as jeremy pointed out, i should have gone and banged on her door and told her to turn the fucking music down. what he didn't realize is that it took me three years to get enough nerve to write this damn thing):

this is heather below you in #103. i really hate to be a whiner, but i'd appreciate it if you could keep your music (and conversation) quieter after 10pm on weeknights. i've noticed that your bass comes right through my ceiling (are your speakers on the floor?). last night was terrifically annoying as, in addition to having to get up at 5:30am, i've been sick and have tried to get to bed early. i hope that if you have any similar noise-related issues with me, we can work them out.

on my way out this morning, i tip-toed upstairs and slipped it under her door. i'm afraid now she'll get all vindictive and do something evil in retribution. i know i would if i got such a note. well, not really, but i'd think about it.

in other news, i'm sick and miserable (i blame the miserable on being kept up by HER until late). i wish this freaking cold would go away! okay, i'm going to quit whining. it's not productive. this is one of darlene's kitties, cassie.

karl saved me last night by helping with my javascript homework. have i mentioned how much i fucking hate javascript? okay, maybe i won't once i figure things out, but for the most part, we have all these problems to figure out but, once again, jason hasn't given us the tools to do so. i can't wait until i fill out the teacher evaluation at the end of the term.

okay, back to work. *whipcrack*

this picture sums up how i feel today. i'm still sick, but have finally succumbed to using drugs to mask my symptoms so i'm not wallowing in misery and mucus all day long. the side effects are mildly unpleasant in their own right, though. oh well, better to feel loopy and slightly pukey than to be wishing i were dead, right?

lots of work to do and i'm suffering serious après déjeuner sloth. too much chinese food, i suppose. damn msg. and i still have a bunch of homework to do tonight. at least i did my laundry last night and there aren't a lot of dishes to wash when i get home to distract me.

i'm starting to get anxious about my blood test results. it's been a week. they said a week. why haven't they called yet?

sometimes i seriously worry about my priorities when it comes to money.

case in point, i was just telling jeremy about my new executive parking spot right by the front door and how my name will be on it just as soon as it arrives from the signmakers they order it from. he asked me how i got this new, primo space and i told him how i bought it in the united way auction we have every year as part of our company's fundraising campaign. i also mentioned how i've been vying for the coveted parking space for the last four years. this year i managed to scoop the incumbent by bidding at the last possible second. scoop!

jeremy asked how much i paid for it. $127. as soon as i admitted that, i suddenly felt really stupid. one hundred and twenty-seven dollars for a parking space. why would i think that's a good use for my money when i've been putting off buying new sneakers for a year because i couldn't bring myself to pay almost that exact same amount? why do i put off things like a new mattress for the futon because it just seems to cost too much, but i'll spent $700 on a luxury item like my camera or $200 on a new computer to give to my mom for her birthday? no wonder i'm poor.

now comes the justification phase of my most recent outlay... it's only $2.59 per week. i can save a toonie every week and at the end of the year, i'll have all it paid off! it's a charitable deduction! i'll get a portion back on my taxes this year! my knee is gimpy. now i won't have to walk so far from my car in the morning, worrying that i'll misstep and wreck it further.

yes, heather... i know i could have used that money to go to worcester. you don't have to rub it in.

why is it that i can function during the day, but as soon as i lie down to go to sleep all my cold symptoms multiply by a factor of ten?

i guess today wouldn't be a good time to try to cut back on my caffeine intake, would it?

seems all that homework stress of a couple weeks ago paid off. i just got this email from my t.a.:

Heather,

I'm about half way through grading the assignment 2's. I'm writing to let you know I really enjoyed seeing your assignment. The layout was the best in the class and it was completely professional. You earned 100% which is the highest grade for the class. Based on what I have seen so far, I don't think anyone else will match it.

This is excellent and I was pleasantly surprised.

Pat

PS I may (or may not) be giving bonus points to people in the class who did the email regex portion...I'm currently deciding how to award points for that. If I do give bonus points, you will get them for sure. You met all of the requirements. Well done! :)

for remembrance day, i've slept. a lot. i ate some protein, then i slept. i ate some fruit, then i slept. i ate some pumpkin loaf and read a while, then i slept. now i'm going to put things in a container for lunch tomorrow, eat some soup, then i'll sleep some more. i'm feeling better for all the rest, so it must be what i need.

there was an ad for an affordable, hardwood one bedroom in yesterday's paper. again, i'm too chicken to phone. why the fuck am i so unwilling to uproot? it's not the money, i can always pay off a little more debt. i think the concept of moving gets more and more HUGE the longer i'm here, the more settled i am. plus, i worked really hard to get to a point where i'm comfortable here again... i just need a new futon mattress and everything will be hunky-dory. or so i keep telling myself.

i was the last person on the ferry last night. i probably would have been the second-to-last if i hadn't been limping down the walkway.

there's not really a lot to say about my weekend on the island. it feels like i spent a lot time in the back seat of my mother's car. i saw my first drag show. i had my first toke in at least two years. i wore what i thought was a flattering and slightly daring new shirt which actually just made me look fatter than normal. i played a couple games of pool and flirted with a college boy who reminded me a lot of joe. i went to bed very early after somehow aggravating my six year-old knee injury. i made a lot of omelettes and caught someone's cold. now i'm home, bailing on a movie date, eating a fried egg & bacon sandwich, trying not to feel too sorry for myself and procrastinating getting started on my homework.

i did talk to someone new on the telephone, though. i was all nervous as i dialed their number, but was quickly put at ease. it's easy to feel more secure when you're not the one who was just woken up. oops!

did you miss me?

the problem with going out with a bunch of women to a drag show is the chances of my finding a cute boy to make out with are probably as good as my winning the lottery. i guess i won't worry too much about what i wear to fat tuesday's tomorrow night, then. i'm fairly confident the gay guys won't be looking and for all i talk about dating girls, i know i'd be too bloody picky. ahh, double-standards, how i love thee.

gah, stop distracting me! i have laundry to finish, homework to start and a victoria-bound bag to pack. avast ye, mateys! i be sailing the strait in the wee hours tamarrah. but first, i get to have breakfast with my daddy. yay, me! i'm the luckiest hessie in the world, i am.

i don't like javascript. i don't like php edit. i don't like my hair today. i don't like that the day is starting off slowly. i don't like that three times i've gone to talk to someone about some work i'm doing for them and they've been unavailable. i don't like that i have to do laundry tonight. i don't like that i'm broke. i don't like cream of mushroom soup. i don't like wanting to talk to him. i don't like waiting. i don't like my mattress. i don't like having so much homework.

i like sleep. i like my friends. i like fast food nation. i like php. i like eminem. i like popcorn. i like cats. i like stars. i like wind. i like kissing! i like the internet. i like the smell of a boy on my pillow while i fall asleep. i like taking pictures. i like laughing. i like wearing glasses. i like having toys around my desk. i like being a the weirdo (sometimes). i like satin and fleece. i like beer and pizza. i like hockey. i like driving. i like flying! i like you.

busybusy... lots of crappy work to get finished before i take off for the island friday morning. add to that a doctor's appointment monday, a lab appointment this morning and a dentist appointment tomorrow, the hours i have left to complete all this crap are dwindling. oh yeah, and i don't want to do any of it now that i have a happy-full belly after lunch at the thai place.

i was thinking this morning (while sitting in traffic on the cut because i left later than my normal 6:45 due to the aforementioned lab appointment) about all the skills i have which i don't actually consider skills. there are a lot of things i do every day which many people can't do and i take them all for granted. here's my list:

1. drive a car.
   
2. touch-type.
   
3. read.
   
4. write.
   
5. cook/bake.
   
6. use/build/understand a computer.
   
7. find the north star.
   
8. braid.
   
9. iron/laundry.
   
10. program a vcr.
    
11. crochet.
    
12. say "hello" and "yes/no" in five or six languages.
    
13. write html.
    
14. use a card catalogue.
    
15. sew simple patterns.
    
16. paint walls/objects.
    
17. change the sparkplugs and oil & filter in my car.
    
18. dial a phone in the dark.
    
19. get up, showered, dressed and make peanut butter toast all with my eyes closed.
    
20. ride a bicycle (although it's been a long while).
    
21. sign the alphabet excluding f and p thru t.

what are your skills?

vampires! i have to see the vampires!! gah. i hate needles.

it's turning out to be a semi-busy week. appointments galore and a big birthday bash in victoria friday night. trying to fit in all my work and homework and appointments and a wee bit of socializing... i'm exhausted just thinking about it.

does anybody care if i don't post every day? i didn't think so.

fuji technical support wants me to send them sample images before i ship them my baby. okay, i can do that. but you can be sure they're getting the worst of the bunch. not a good one like this.

i'm attached to my baby, but i'm positive something's failing for it to not produce well in medium to low light any more. plus, there's scary clicking when it metres from light to dark (paul, does yours do that?).

anyway, i'm headachy and stressed. things got really complicated over the weekend and i'm not sure what i want to do about it. boys really are yucky, confusing, irritating beasts. maybe it's time i tried dating girls.

last night i dreamt of kissing. kissing a dark-haired boy who reminded me of, alternately, xander from buffy and meghan's shiny new husband. who it was i was doing the smooching with wasn't as important as the fact that i was smooching. it reminded me that it's been an awful long time since i've done any lip-locking. i'm good at kissing, you know. it's a damn shame i haven't had the opportunity to share my gift with more of the world.

so, yeah. i dreamt that i was kissing a dark-haired boy last night... and it was good.

it's a not-so-happy day in hessieland. despite actually completing the assignment from hell on time and with full functionality; depsite having a great evening with friends playing cards, eating pizza and laughing until i couldn't breathe; despite it being a gorgeous crisp fall day outside, i'm feeling very bloo.

you see, my baby is broken.

she's not been feeling well for a few weeks now, but i thought maybe it was allergies or somesuch. i fervently hoped she would recover without any traumatizing intervention, but alas, this was not to be the case. so, i've gathered up her favourite travelling outfit and arranged transportation to the specialists. she's putting on a brave face, but i know she's just as nervous about doing this all on her own as i am. we don't even know how long she'll be away yet. i hope i can sleep without her here.

i hope you all enjoy what could be my baby's last creation. please send her good wishes and lots of healing vibes.

don't hate me, but if they can't fix her, i really hope they replace her with a 3800 instead.

so, like, i'm taking this class and it's, like, teaching me php, y'know? but, like, i didn't see my teacher for, like, two weeks and he, like, has shitty classtime management skills and, like, all his notes are poorly organized and, like, full of errors. and, because he didn't teach us half the stuff we needed for our assignment,like, until last class, y'know, i've spent, like, every evening this week trying to, like, get this done and, like, it's fucking hard, y'know? my eyes are buggy and, like, all i can think about is php, y'know? then, starting, like, tomorrow he's totally abandoning php and going to start teaching us, like, javascript. just when i start to really get, like, a handle on php, y'know? oh. my. god! someone gag me with a crowbar, okay?