sometimes my world gets just a little too small for comfort.
i tried to find him once before, to no avail. i considered it a sign. there was a reason i couldn't find him when i wanted. the universe meant me to leave that door closed.
now it's opened a titch and the past is leaking through.
it's a test. someone, somewhere, wants to see just how good my resolve is. how much i'm willing to withstand my fearsome curiosity to remain true to my promise to myself to leave the past in the past. to not dwell on what was. to let go of the hurt, the self-recriminations, the anger, the still lingering wondering what might have been.
some doors need to stay locked. some should even be bricked up and hermetically sealed. yet, sometimes, you need to peek in just to ensure you made the right choice. i did that just recently and i'm very glad of it. but this one... too many daemons behind it. too much of everything. the memories are enough.
it needs to be enough that i now know where he is, that he's alive and seemingly well. honestly, it's more than i had hoped for.
:-(
The boy didn't realize how good he had it. :-/
your comments, heather, remind me of a book I'm reading right now and what the main character, Cannie, is going through. Common feelings, for sure.
reading 'good in bed', huh? ;)
What kind of digital camera do you have, Heather?
fuji 2800 zoom.
beautifully stated heather.
and this is the third time in the last couple of weeks someone has mentioned that book...is it any good?
thanks, babe. as for the book, i don't know. jodi sent me it for xmas, but i haven't started it yet.
its pretty good. entertaining enough for a light read. Not as good as the Shopoholic books (yet) though. I'm about halfway through.
The author cites "She's Come Undone" as a favourite book, and I'm wondering if she's trying to emulate it. There are similarities. I find Lamb's book superior, tho.
But its worth a read :)
mmm i loved the shopaholic books. if you liked those, you should check out "Diary of a Mad Bride" by Laura Wolf. It's hilarious.
Heather, that guy was a loser. You are much better off without him. If I were you, I would go out and have a night of fun.
Diary of a mad bride? LOL how fitting. I will definitely pick that up. Crazy slowly going am I! :)