black licorice is best

i don't think this is going to be a very good day.

my limbs are all tingly and my head is fuzzy. i feel like i need more sleep, but i know that if i were at home in bed i would only turn and toss. the time is going by too slowly. i lost six pages of work i had to re-do and both times i did it, it didn't balance. my chair is not comfortable, i want my big purple ball instead, please. it feels like my hair looks okay, but i can't be entirely sure because i haven't looked in a mirror since i got out of the shower and at that time it was wet and dripping down my back. it's dry now; i hope it's presentable. the window-washing fluid in my car ran dry on the way to work. lovely. between the fog and the crud i couldn't clean off the windshield i'm lucky i made it here alive. then again, maybe a day in hospital would be more interesting that this morning here. dear fucking christ, i wish things would move a little quicker.

part of me wishes i'd been the one who was laid off last week. that's the part of me which wants to be carefree and irresponsible. the one who wants to run away and hitchhike accross the continent or take off for parts unknown with just a towel and a smile. i want to run away.

did you hear the one about the girl who didn't have sex for two years? yeah, she started getting tingly limbs and having hobo fantasies. then she became a raging homicidal maniac. *kill*

paul. dan. jason. john. darrin. joe. rick. paul. morgan. jason. they're all gone from my life now. some i sent away, others kicked me out, the rest just kind of slipped out quietly while i wasn't paying attention. i take the blame for all the mistakes. i expected too much from all of them at one point or another. my needs were overwhelming and they just weren't the right people to fulfill them. but i learned something from each of them. i'm glad for the experiences. i've let them all go now, with good will and good wishes. now it's time to really be alone, i suppose.