March 2003 Archives

noooooo!! jeremy's gone to vegas for a week, leaving me all alone with no one to chat with during the day! i'm going to die! i don't realize how much i rely on knowing he's a click away for me to vent to or share something cool with until he's not there. hrm. i guess i'll just have to post all those things this week. or maybe not. i'm really not very interesting lately.

i'm reading this book called sushi for beginners right now. it's a bridget jones-like kind of story of three thirty-ish women in ireland dealing with their lives and trying to wrangle happiness out of it all. i'm really enjoying it. it's been on my shelf for over a year and i thought i'd best read it and get it off my back. i would totally be sending it to jodi after i'm finished, but it's not my book to send. psst, jodi! put it on your wishlist!

i need more tea. oh yeah, still not drinking coffee except for my weekly venti mocha before saturday class, but i guess that'll stop now that my classes are on tuesday nights. whee. more school! i'm gunna get me all edumakated!

three weeks! i'm a giddy idiot!!

"what if this man is my destiny and i never meet him?" - sleepless in seattle

i'm not going to have that problem this time.

i just spent $70 on pretty things to put my boobs in. and that was on sale. then i went to safeway and bought sushi. mmm, sushi. oh, yeah, i think i aced my exam, too. i'm going to miss my little corner of cohorts and pat the t.a., but i'm off to bigger and better things. or something. i'm just glad i get my saturdays back. i'm starting off my first free weekend with an appointment at the bank. whee. no, not really. i'm going to go eat my sushi now.

i should be studying for my exam on saturday. instead, i'm going to go to bed with onion breath and a tingly knee. you may start the envy now.

excited. bored. sleepy. anxious. twitchy. serene. happy. scared. poor. rich. grateful. selfish.

at this moment the sky is the absolute perfect shade of blue with clouds the perfect mix of zinc white and flannel grey.

just look at the things you wrote online you can find while searching google usenet archives instead of working like they're actually paying you to do. i'm almost ashamed.

the level of frustration i'm feeling lately has been increasing exponentially. i've a pretty big emotional issue going on now, yet i can't seem to let myself write about it here or talk about it with anyone other than those directly invloved. i'm terrified of disappointing some people, while at the same time i'm scared to alienate others. then there's my whole "keep it to myself and it will go away" cancerian nature which is battling my desire to vent. that being said, no, i probably won't post about it. and, no, i probably won't tell you about it. but, if i act even more strange than usual, you now know why. kind of.

i love my bed. i want to sleep forever.

i think i'm allergic to my lunches. i'll have more evidence sometime after eleven a.m. today.

a local radio station is giving away a trip to scotland this friday. i think i might take the day off so i can sit by the phone and wait for my chance to call in and win. seriously, i'd forgo that $100,000 in the lottery if i could get an all-expense paid trip for two to scotland. staying in a castle? finally getting to the land of my ancestors? yeah, totally worth not getting a new car. cross your fingers for me, aye?

had a busy/productive day yesterday. lots of chores and cooking and baking got accomplished. had all the windows and balcony door open to get the beautiful (yet blustery) spring wind to air out my domicile. spent a long while chatting with a very dear friend. i didn't get outside at all, though. i wanted to go play catch or frisbee or something, but i don't really know anyone local whom i could call up and persuade to meet me in the park on short notice.

i slept much better last night than saturday. all night long, every time i rolled over i'd partially wake up because i was so aware of how different my mattress was from how i've gotten used to it. who knew you weren't supposed to be able to feel each individual slat through your futon? as mentioned, last night was much, much better. i woke up this morning and as i listened to the radio a while i became aware that my back wasn't sore. i can't remember the last time i woke up without some sort of pain. geez louise, what the hell took me so long to do this?!

the academy awards are the only awards show i watch anymore. there are just too many of them and, really, i'm not all that fond of the culture of celebrity as it is. why would i spend time worshiping it? that being said, i watched last night's show for a couple of specific reasons. one, i wanted to see steve martin. i love steve martin. does anyone know if he's remarried yet? if not, i may fly to l.a. and try to woo him. two, i wanted to see just how many acceptance speeches actually mentioned the war. not that i wanted to hear about it, but i wanted to see how many people would have the balls to mention it considering it's probable they were told to shush up on the topic. three, i really wanted to see if the pianist would be snubbed. i love that movie. i didn't think it would win best picture (even though i think it deserves it), but i hoped that it would get some sort of offical nod for its excellence. i actually started to cry as soon as adrien brody was announced the winner for best actor. he hadn't even stood up yet and i was sobbing. yeah, i know i'm pathetic, but really, he so very much deserved it. i was delighted he was recognized. i still am. i wonder if he's single. maybe i'll move to new york and try to woo him, instead.

today is busy-busy with work and meetings. speaking of, i'm late for one now. later, alligators.

i bought a new futon mattress today. i am deep in twelve inches of foam and cotton heaven. i may not even get out of bed tomorrow. *sigh* why did i ever wait so long?! i'm going to be giving people the wrong impression all week, i'm sure. "come lay in my bed!"

definition of insanity:
repeating the same action while expecting a different result.

if you're warblogging, i am not reading your site any longer. i just thought i ought to mention that.

upon returning my cable modem to the big, bad cable company yesterday afternoon, i was informed by the customer service girl that they'd been overcharging me for almost a year. as a result, i don't have to pay my cable bill for the next two months!

i feel like refried crap today. i really would have loved to have been able to stay in bed, even if i was dreaming of homework.

speaking of homework, i was up late (for me) trying to get a bit of a jump on it last night. then, just as things were coming together, the free server we're using for our asp development overloaded and nothing would work. that's one thing about this course that's utterly ridiculous: if we're expected to have access to a server to present our work, why doesn't the school provide it? c'mon, how hard is it to set up a dedicated box for students? not very, i'd wager. anyway, it's working this morning and i managed to finish the assignment. just one more to go.

it's official! given any prompting i turn into a cam whore. *sigh* i'm so ashamed.

this morning i woke up in my 500 square foot apartment to have a shower with as much hot water as i could handle. afterwards, i bedecked my body with expensive products to make it smell less or better or look shinier or silkier. with the radio playing modern music in the background, i stood in front of one of my two closets and picked out something to wear for the day, my only considerations whether or not the office would be warm or cold. i picked out a short-sleeved shirt and jeans, uncaring if skin was bared or not. in my kitchen, i opened full cupboards to procure food to eat throught the day, making choices from among the many varieties available to me. i put money in my wallet and got into my single-occupancy vehicle and drove 25 kilometres to where i work for a wage considered ridiculous by some. now i am sitting in front of a computer, reading and typing at an advanced level while considering what i'm going to go purchase for myself just because i can.

i've got it good, here in the fat west. so do you, if you're reading this. we're overflowing with riches and possibilities and the thing that pisses me off the most is that none of us even realize it most of the time. we bitch because we don't make enough money or our asses aren't small enough while billions of people around the world can only dream of having a fraction of our wealth or freedom. things are unbalanced and scary right now, but just think about how safe and soft you truly are while you're sitting at home watching other people get their homes and lives annihilated on CNN tonight.

it's sushi day! yay! then there is chocolate euhporia cake in the afternoon. although, i'd almost rather be at home downloading things quickly with my new zippy adsl connection. i have to phone the cable company and tell them to shove their slow and expensive "high speed cable internet" before they can justify charging me for another month of service i won't use. dor has offered me $100 usd if i use the phrase "pig fuckers" while doing so. it's extraordinarily tempting but i don't think i'll be able to pull it off.

i filed my taxes electronically the other night. me! a die-hard, filling out the forms with a calculator and a pencil girl! it was a small concession of defeat, but honestly, they've changed the forms around this year and it was totally pissing me off trying to wrangle my tuition credits into the federal and provincial tax schedules so i just succumbed to the breeze which is quicktax online. in two weeks, if i didn't horribly screw things up, i should wake to find a nice lump sum deposited directly into my bank account. ain't technology grand?

so, does anyone else think this site looks really familiar?

p.s. this is what it looked like before he got caught and took it down.

why is it only noon? it should be at least quarter to three by now. snagglefrash!! i'm antsy and bored and very, very sleepy. i'm tempted to whiz through my piles so i can leave early. hm. i could be work-free by two. that would give me lots of time to pick up a birthday cake on the way home (for work tomorrow), install the adsl and then have a nap before i start homework... of course, i'm too sleepy to work very hard. maybe i should get a coke.

on the upside, i think i've lost a couple of pounds. don't know how, but i'm not going to question.

i did nothing this weekend and i enjoyed every single moment of it. i even went to the grocery store in my pajamas last night. i just put on a coat and shoes and went like that. it was great. then i came home and ate an entire tube of pringles. i'm feeling cute but forelorn of late. needing lots of cuddles and quiet time, yet none but the quiet seems to be within my grasp. ugh, it must be spring. the travel bug is beginning its wriggling about my brain. want to run away! zoom. i wish my car could travel distances. i need a haircut again. i'm wearing green & drinking green tea for the holiday. i'm so sleepy. i. want. to. kiss. we're going for sushi on wednesday and then there will be cake. i threw out all the unhealthy food in my house yesterday but then i ate those damn pringles. i'm such a hypocrite. now i'm going to pretend to work for a while and hopefully that will distract me from my desire for a nap.

"the bad stuff is easier to believe. ever notice that?"

picked up my adsl kit from the post office on my way home from school (where i learned i got 104% on my last assignment), so i've just finished rearranging the mess of phone lines coming from my inconveniently-placed phone jack (who the hell thought that the middle of the hallway at chest height was a good place?) so that i can plug in the modem on tuesday. it's killing me that i can't do it now, but greg the talkative customer service representative said not to try until tuesday and, well, he woulnd't lie to me, right?

school is almost over. two more classes, two more assignments, one exam and then i'm done with saturday courses! i get a week off and then i'm right back in the swing of things taking a tuesday night programming class. pascal, here i come! oh, it turns out that the instructor i had last term is the teaching assistant for this next course. it's kind of odd to have all this continuity in instructors but it's also very cool to not have to form entirely new relationships when moving from class to class.

boys. are. confusing.

i'm starting to be annoyed that i didn't pick up a couple videos for tonight. then again, i kind of thought i might have company over or go out with keb, but none of that panned out. oh well. maybe i can catch up on a little more sleep so i can start next week out truly refreshed. it's disgusting how relieved i feel knowing that the party is over and this class is almost done and my saturdays will be my own again. yippee!

now i'm going back to the futon where it's warm. toodles!

it's a poor excuse for a woman who can't go a couple hours wearing heels without her feet cramping up and her hip almost popping out of joint. well, at least i looked good when i wasn't grimacing in pain. but, the very best part is that it's over!

if i ever volunteer or agree to plan another party, i have given dor permission to beat me senseless and i've even agreed to pay the airfare to go to him to have it done. that's how much i hated the process. way too much stress. although, after seeing everyone enjoy themselves and such, i can see why some people enjoy it. i'm just not one of them.

it was pretty sweet having my name announced (twice!) as one of the organizers, though. *ego boost*

freaking out. dressing up. going out.

when i read about things like this it makes me almost ache for the chance to zip off in a starship, get suited up and dive through foreign atmospheres to discover just how different our celestial neighbours are from our small, blue-green home. when i'm consumed with that desire for exploration, i can understand why men and women risk death to go into space, beneath the ocean or deep into the earth.

yeah, enough poetry. i'll be beyond glad when this week is over. i'm totally stressing about the party friday night. i hope it goes off well. remind me to never volunteer to organize something like this again! now i'm just twitchy and overtired and thinking today might be the day i have a cup of coffee.

yeah, busy. come back later.

i just spent an hour on the phone with greg, my "telus customer service representative". a chatty, personable fellow who got me to sign up for adsl service by tempting me with free things. he's also going to send me his "contact information" to my new email account and he wants me to "reply" when i get everything set up in a week's time. this time i'm certain i was being hit on.

yeah. what's with me and men from alberta?

companies i'm willing to whore my blog out to in exchange for goods or services:
- mazda (wouldn't i look hot in a protegé 5?)
- nikon (oh yeah baby. can you say "D1"?)
- dell (upgrades!)
- ethan allen (yes, i could live with florals)
- lane bryant (fat girls like to dress well, too)
- bose (music soothes the savage heather)
- chapters (gotta love me some books)
- bcit (tuition really is a bitch)
- sleeman (mm, beer)
- vancouver canucks (c'mon... season's tickets can't be that much to ask!)

laundry. dishes. shopping. cooking. baking. vacuuming. dusting. tidying. homework. partywork. excuses. spending. eating. watching. wishing. lusting.

the internet is boring today.

while filling up the car with gas on my way home after school yesterday (because who can pass by 85.5¢/L gas?), i amused myself while pumping by ogling the budget van full of teenagers dressed up in 80's fashions as they ran into the convenience store to buy cigarettes and accross the street to buy alcohol. but, seriously, these kids were hilarious in their anachronism. girls in lace stockings and double-layered skirts. boys in parachute pants and footloose leather ties. way too much red eye shadow and i.c.e. mist hairspray. it made me recall just how horrible the eighties really were, fashion-wise. i wonder if, in twenty years, we'll look back at photos or re-runs of sit-coms and be just as appalled by our apparent lack of style now as we are of the reagan years.

still bored. i guess i'll, um, do stuff.

two friends of mine (who neither know each other, or even live in the same country for that matter) both had all-night first dates last night. besides the obvious "whoa, that's weirdly coincidental" reaction i had, i'm also extraordinarily pleased for them. these are two of my favourite people i don't know well enough, but really hope to know better as time goes on. it is mirth-making to my soul to know that they are finding people who give them the happy shivers.

yay for first blushes of spring lust!

this is outside meghan's house. snow. march 8th. who the hell is in charge of the weather?! they and i need to have some serious words. then again, i don't have to go outside tomorrow, and it is very pretty. i guess it can stay... but it better be gone by monday morning or i'll be cranky.

well, the good thing with having so much work you want to rip out your own spleen is that your work week goes by very quickly. the bad thing, well, my brain has melted and i think i've developed a nasty urge for homicide. *sigh* i ordered pizza to help make a night of homework a little more bareable.

did i mentioned it snowed today? yeah, march 7th and it snowed. the world is completely insane.

so, yeah. boys are driving me nuts lately. they come back and they tell you things you think you want to hear but then you realize that it makes it almost worse than when they originally disappeared from your life. not to say you're not glad they're back and somewhat remorseful for their prior actions, but you've spent all this time getting over it all only to have it all brought up again. that being said, you can't help but look forward to getting back to a place where you and he can relate in a manner somewhat similar to the comfort level you had back then.

ugh, i'm so kidding myself. you can't go home again, doofus. it'll never be the same. maybe it will be better, maybe it will be worse, but it will, beyond all doubts, be completely different.

all right, the pizza is here, so that means it's time for the crappy homework to start. i've learned a bunch, but i'll be very glad to see the back of this course.

so, yeah. it's wednesday. i haven't had coffee in 10 days. i spend my breaks in the fitness room jogging on the elliptical fitness trainer. i slept for almost eleven hours last night. i need a haircut. i should probably get my eyes checked and my prescription updated. this party-planning business is slowly devouring my soul. ignoring the money i'm saving up (for what, i still haven't decided; although, a new mattress for the futon is currently number one), i'm utterly broke and payday is still a week and a half away. i'm really going to be upset when buffy ends. i need to take more pictures. my site is really boring and no one comes except a handful of pity visits and three million people searching for "giraffe", "albino" or "thong" -- get over it, losers! none of that here! freaks.

i'm not really grumpy, but i have zero creativity and writing, even just communicating, seems like such a chore lately. people aren't my favourite this week. most of them i just want to go away and leave me alone.

i want to go bowling and to theatre sports and the art gallery and to white spot for a long, food-filled, laughing-fun evening harrassing waiters and building things out of creamers and sugar packets. i want to curl up and read an entire book in a weekend like i used to. i want to go test drive cars just because i can. i want to go play catch at stanley park now that i can breathe again. i want a kitten and a bicycle and new canucks sweater. i want touchy-feely friends. i want to flirt and kiss lots of boys. i want a road trip! i want less guilt and more joi de vive. i want to be 16 again, but know everything i know now.

it's a day for lists and wanting. what's your list of wants?

carolyn: ooh, what do you have?
meghan: baked ravioli.
carolyn: ooh, what's dean got?
dean: the house lasagne.
carolyn: ooh, what've you got?
me: filet mignon!
carolyn: but you're vegetarian!
me: *shrug* i needed a hot beef injection.