needed...

it was a dark and stormy night... i remember starting so many stories like that when i was young. there were single women living alone in large houses, things thumping in the night and cliff-hangers galore. i was such a melodramatic child. then again, there are people who would say i'm still so. speaking of the melodrama, i've got myself all worked up over a potential boy again. no, not the kissing boy. he's gone from the picture in any significant capacity. a boy from the past. no, not morgan. he's gone from the picture entirely. i've got pretty serious practical reservations about it all, but damn if i can't keep but looking forward to seeing him and smiling when i think about it. it's the stupid fluttery tummy and happy-bouncy feelings which get you. they're self-propagating. once they start, they just keep building up inside until they gurgle out when you least expect them to. happyboyfeelings are fun, even if they're not going anywhere but on your blog. speaking of the blog, it's pretty evident i'm lacking in the content-production department lately. i don't know, i just can't seem to think of anything worthy of sharing. it's a strange form of writer's block that forces nothing but haircut posts and recycled photographs. i feel like there's something waiting to come out, but between homework and my inate sloth, it's not getting a chance to see the light of day. it's also somewhat depressing that all those people who used to come by and comment or link to me have kind of drifted away. part of me thinks "what's the point?" if no one comes or cares enough to interact. i realize that's the nature of the medium, the ebb and flow of discussion and traffic, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have an effect on what eventually gets produced. if no one cares, why should i work harder to produce something more meaninful than a whine about school or a recipe for kung pao chicken? i need more creative outlets. i really need to step up and cancel my extended cable like i've been talking about for over a year now. i need to sleep less and exercise more. i need to not care if the new/old boy reads what i wrote three paragraphs previously. i need an iron supplement. i need to watch a hockey game. i need to not need to multi-task. i need to stop wasting time worrying about wasting time. i need to not beat myself up for being imperfect. i need to laugh more. i need to roll my pennies. i need to get rid of my guitar. i need to teach col to knit. i need to drink more water and less diet pepsi. i need to be more assertive and less afraid. i need to trust more and doubt less. i need to love fully and not hold back. i need new underwear and fuzzy slippers. i need to concentrate on the task at hand. i need to stop second-guessing decisions i've already made. oh, and i also need to get back to work.