April 2004 Archives

if you're going to steal my photos, you would be much smarter to copy them to your own server first. p.s. now this is the way to do it. send me an email or comment and ask me nicely. much better. update: aww, she stole someone else's photo. sorry, folks. but you can see my message to her here.

just when i thought i could say my life was boring, things start to happen! they're not very exciting things, but they're things nonetheless. it started when i arrived home from work last night. thursday being a school night, i'm always in a rush because i have exactly an hour to cook dinner, eat dinner, clean up from dinner and do whatever it is that needs doing before i leave for class. as i reached into the freezer to pull out my school night staple, boca burgers, i noticed that things were a little melty. seeing as my fridge/freezer has a history of being flaky, especially when the weather warms up, i didn't think too much about it. i just turned up the cold dial a little and went about making my grub. that's when the noise started. have you ever had trouble starting your car on a cold, cold winter morning? if so, you know the sound my fridge was making. the motor (did you know there was a motor in your fridge?) would make that trying-to-turn-over noise and then stop dead. every ninety seconds. i think that's when i started to panic a little. "ohmygod! my fridge is broken! my freezer's full of melting food! i can't deal with this! i have to go to school! ugh! meghan's not home! dad's not home! where am i going to put this melting food?!" calling the landlord didn't help very much, either. he didn't have any replacement refridgerators on hand and he didn't think he could get one through the door (he had to remove doors to replace the last unit upstairs). he did say he'd come right over and bring a cooler or two to put my fridge stuff in, if i could find a home for my frozen food. that was nice of him, i thought. so, i packed up my freezeables, left my father a frantic message that basically said "i hope you don't mind but i'm barging in and taking over your freezer with my food because my fridge quit and i have to go to school and meghan's not home yet and i don't know what else to do i hope you don't hate me love you bye bye." and headed out. then i very nearly fell asleep in class. when i got home, i expected to find a couple coolers on my kitchen floor with my stuff packed in ice. instead, i find the biggest, whitest, fanciest refridgerator i've ever seen in place of my old unit. it's beautiful! it has glass shelves that slide and huge door compartments. and the freezer... ohmygod. it has a shelf! i could fit two turkeys or a very small child in it! it's the sexiest fridge ever. it's so big, i need to go buy more food to fill it up. the only problem is that my microwave, which resides atop it, is now well above my head. i'm either going to have to invest in a small stool, a tall boyfriend or live with the possibility of disfiguring facial scars from spilling hot food every time i nuke something. although, the whole instant gratification from the landlords has got me a little miffed. i was working up to a right nasty foul opinion because of their recent dumbassedness. now they've gone and done something so great just to ruin my bad opinion of them. da noive!

last night, instead of sitting like a lump on the sofa until enterprise started, i decided that i was going to go outside into the gorgeous, lilac-scented evening. i packed up my camera and lip balm, tied up my shoes and headed down to the quay. it was a perfect walk down the hill, past the shops and to the water. i didn't even mind, too much, that i had to pee like crazy and had to wait for an hour for my bus back up the hill. while i walked, i kept seeing people with ipods or other mp3 players, earphones clamped onto or stuck into their ears. i found myself very tempted to stop and ask each one i saw "whatcha listening to?". i think that would be an awesome thing to do one beautiful spring or summer day. i find that most people are rather proud of the music they listen to and like to convert others over to their tastes. personally, if i were such a music-carrying person, i'd happily share my tunes with a pleasantly curious stranger. what do you think? otherwise, it's a good day. class tonight, which i still have some reading left to do for. the best news, though, was that seb fontaine cancelled the show at sonar i was supposed to go to tomorrow night. why would i be happy that the show was cancelled, you might ask. well, i didn't really want to go. not because of seb, but because i agreed to go when marie asked me without actually thinking it through and have been secretly dreading the loomingness of the date ever since. marie just isn't the kind of person i want to spend much time with. she's like this energy suck. she has her moments, but most of the time, i just want her to go away. is that bad? besides that, she's having this long-distance net.affair with a guy in england and planning on leaving her husband for him. did i mention she has a five year old son? it's just ugly and, honestly, i don't like even thinking about the situation, which is difficult since all she talks about is the scottish boy she loves so much. i'm just thankful the universe saw fit to save me from the engagement. i promise i'll do something fruitful/fun with the time in thanks!

him2: If you're not married by the time you're 39, will you marry me? her: heh. her: bidding war! him2: I said 39 tho. which means you'd be married before 40! her: which means i couldn't marry him1. him2: Yup. him2: Tell him sorry, you're marrying me instead!

guess who's soft and smells of pumpkin pie? yes, me! not only did i spend $20 on soap (burt's bees peppermint shower soap and rosemary mint shampoo bar, to be specific) yesterday, i also received my beloved box from sephora. ohmygoodness. pumpkin pie and samples of perfume and lipstick! i'm in girly heaven! seriously, i just want everyone to come over and smell me like col was doing saturday night. i'm delicious! btw, jessica simpson's perfume does smell yummy but in order to also make it edible, it's really sticky. i don't recommend it because of that.

it's a long day. this is the reason i hate tuesdays. they drag. they take forever to pass. i can't believe it's only 11am. it feels more like 7pm! gah. and i'm wearing my hair in a ponytail. i never wear my hair in a ponytail, especially outside of my house. i don't know what happened to me this morning. i may be losing my mind.

him1: I want you to promise to marry me if you're not hitched by 40. him1: I promise I'll move anywhere. her: where has all this come from? him1: Maybe the heart.. maybe the groin.. who can say? him1: "yeah, baby! trivialise this!" him1: Am I coming out to see you this summer? her: are you medicated? him1: Is that a yes? It doesn't sound like a yes.

as you may have gathered, i'm not that fond of people as a whole. especially not groups of people i don't know. so, as saturday's clock slowly inched its way towards 6pm i started to feel a growing dread about going to colene's freedom festival. i was sitting on the edge of the futon, dressed and ready to go and i was milliseconds away from picking up the phone and making some lame excuse for not being able to go. instead, i got up and walked out the door. boy, am i glad i did. it was a lot of fun. i got to meet mel and see val again, not to mention play cranium for the first time, be in awe of the amount of food available for noshing and meeting people who don't actually have websites (that was probably the weirdest part). i didn't even feel like the oldest person in the room, which was a happy surprise. there was even a star sighting on my way. while waiting to turn onto lonsdale from my street, a black cadillac srx drove by and the driver was none other than marc crawford, coach of my beloved vancouver canucks. i've seen him driving around my neighbourhood before, but he's definitely upgraded his vehicle since the last time i'd caught sight of him. i kind of wished i'd still had my car flag up and flapping to give him a little bit of support.

just when you think the internet is nothing but porn, spam and banal blogging idiots, something happens to remind you of what a wonderous and powerful thing it can be. about this time last year, i posted a list of names of people i'd lost track of over the years and wished to get re-acquainted with thinking that maybe one day either they or someone they knew would be bored and google their name, find my little corner of the 'net and then say "howdy". well, today is that day! i received a slightly bemused email from one paul gillis (paul #1 to those of you in the know). we traded email back and forth, cautiously feeling each other out, him to see if i was some freakazoid stalker-like thing and me to see if he really was the paul i was looking for. turns out he is and i'm not. it's very exciting! it's all brand new and, seeing as he now lives overseas, it's not like i'll be able to see if he still kisses the same way he did 13 years ago, but it's nice to know that he's alive, well and even remembers me (and one of my less attractive nicknames from highschool). you just never know who'll you find online. makes the world just a little bit smaller every day.

this time last year i was getting ready to fly to edmonton to meet morgan for the first time in three years of knowing him. i was so nervous and excited i wasn't sleeping and barely eating. there was the chance that i was going to meet the man i'd be spending the rest of my life with. ahh, gotta love the lofty expectations. now i find myself thinking about that visit and wondering how it could have played out differently. that's not to say there was anything wrong with the time i spent there. actually, that was pretty much perfect. how can it not be when there's a tall man who's absolutely besotted with you who makes you a sushi combo platter and doesn't get upset when you nearly throw fondue up on him? i can't believe it's been a year already. in some ways, it feels like a lifetime; in others, it's like yesterday. i can remember it all and it makes me smile.

you know what? nobody's ever tried to set me up. well, meghan did that once with dean, but she was pretty passive about it and it turned out she didn't want us to hook up and put card nights in jeopardy. i just realized that no one has ever said "hey, i've got this guy i think you should meet". not one of my co-workers with sons my age. not one of my friends with single male friends. admittedly, most of our friends and co-workers are married, but i know that both mark and dean work in construction with many men who aren't. maybe matchmaking isn't something guys think about. or maybe i'm just not someone that people want dating their friends or family. wow, that's depressing.

argh! muscle does not weigh more than fat! sorry, but every time i read that on the weight watchers boards i want to scream. i know what people mean when they say that, but it's inaccurate and potentially misleading. one pound of muscle weighs exactly the same as one pound of fat. the difference is that the muscle is denser and is therefore one-fifth the volume of fat. stated sligthly differently: fat takes up more room on your body, that's why two people who weigh exactly the same can look so different depending on the amount of lean muscle mass they each have. are we clear now? good. last night i ramped it up and unwrapped the second tape in my slim in 6 journey. this tape is twenty minutes longer and includes some crazy lower body and resistance training exercises. i was completely drenched with sweat by the time i finished. the important part is that i finished it, though. i'm still feeling pretty good right now, but don't be surprised if i'm hobbling around like a senior citizen later. i treated myself for my good work last night by getting all snazzy in my new outfit today. new über-soft black slacks with my short-sleeve black & white gingham shirt with the white cuffs and collar. i even broke out the heels. yes, sir. i'm right dolled up. i feel very pretty and, not surprisingly, my mood matches.

the internet is boring today and all i want to do is go home and go to bed, but i've got this nagging need to get started on the design for my site-in-progress. i just don't think designing anything while my head feels this sore and swollen is a good idea. i want more cornbread, that's what i want. instead, i'm going to my pilates class. envy me.

i stumbled across this incredible online gallery of women photographers challenging the idea of beauty being defined by any one standard. according to the site, the actual tour is currently at the pacific centre here in vancouver. i certainly hope to get to see it before it leaves.

colene came over to watch the hockey game with me in my little hovel. we ate veggie burgers, salad and cornbread (who knew that shit was so good?). we spent a lot of time trying to untangle the fringe of my chenille throw. we screamed like crazy people when cooke scored to tie the game with five seconds left. we sat, stunned, when they lost by an ugly, stupid, flukey powerplay goal. i feel positively hung over today. i think she put something funky in the cornbread. all i wanted was to stay in bed this morning (even with my crazy, temper-tantrum-filled dreams). ugh.

i did get my computer fixed. the very nice guys at the shop tested and traded out the power supply under warranty. all it cost me was forty-five minutes of my time. cheap! now i just wish my cpu fan wouldn't sound like a dying goose, but i can live with that. for now. mom called to tell me that on her way to victoria (wherefrom she left for her vegas adventure) she stopped at the casino and won $5000! obviously she was very elated and i was for her, as well. the timing was perfect! i hope she can keep up the winning while vegas. i'm so happy for her i can barely stop smiling. hockey. yeah. can you say "triple overtime"? i knew you could. wow, that was, quite literally, a game and a half. i guess desperation really is a motivator. the canucks finally played like i knew they could. it was physical, they skated amazingly, they started stealing the puck in the neutral zone just like calgary's been doing to them all series and they shot at the net. it was amazing. i laughed, i screamed, i jumped up and down. i expect to be doing all those things tonight, too. game 7. i'm excited and nervous. i know we're a better team and coming off a triple ot winner has got to be great for their confidence, but calgary hasn't been in the playoffs for nine years, they could have more at stake and that could make all the difference. saturday afternoon saw me out and about town, wearing my big, blue, fuzzy sweater and buying plane tickets to minnesota. it's a zillion weeks away, but now that i have the tickets (or, i should say, the electronic ticket number) in my possession i'm rather giddy about the prospect. i get to meet jodi and andrea and, most of all, my friendiest jeremy whom i've known for eight years but not yet met. hurrah! it's all very exciting. now i can't wait for july! also, while out shopping, i stumbled upon a small sample package of burt's bees products. for $19.99 i thought i'd treat myself, so i bought it. well, you know, i think i'm turning into some gurly-girl or something. i'm absolutely in love with burt's peppermint shower soap and rosemary mint shampoo bar, not to mention the lip balm! ohmygod. why didn't anyone tell me about this stuff before? holy crap. and the lemon butter cuticle crème? coconut foot crème? i smell so good and i'm so soft. mmm. i heart burt and his bees.

blah blah blah. computer's still broken. my new teacher is a total geek who thinks he's funnier than he is. even after all the hoggage of the last week, i only gained half a pound -- i will not be taking the scale gods' kindness for granted. my headache is back. bill's a twerp. calgary sucks almost as much as edmonton. the post office cruelly teased me by putting a parcel notice in my mail only to have me discover it was for the carton of cookies i had already picked up. my new shoes make my feet hot. blah blah blah.

tall, warm man with no strange bodily odours, preferrably with two day's worth of stubble, to be waiting at my apartment for me with open arms and a long, tight cuddle complete with loving nonsense muttered into the top of my head and soft, wet kisses on my lips.

found through joelle of put down the donut fame, i'm now a victim of things that smell good from sephora. i probably would have been able to curb my desire to try pumpkin pie scented three-in-one shampoo/conditioner/bodywash if it wasn't for the lure of three free samples with each order. three! free! ohmygod. for someone like me who has to smell *everything* before she buys it, samples are a very, very, very good thing. i can't wait until i smell like punkin pie! yum.

you know, sometimes you just have to take the good with the bad. tuesday night, when i got home from work, i discovered my net connection was sketchy and then died outright. so, after futzing with it a little yesterday morning before leaving for work, i shut down the machine as per start->shutdown. when i came home last night i pressed the power button and... nothing happened. i unplugged the power cable and flipped the power supply switch and cycled the power bar all to no avail. i assume it's got to be something with the switch or the power supply. i guess i'll take it to the shop on the weekend. i might talk to mike about it and bring it in here for him to look at, but at the pace he moves i'd be lucky to get it back by august. it was interesting to be computerless last night. i didn't really miss it, except for not being able to track my points and when i wanted to hear "white flag" by dido, i had to sing it to myself. i wish i'd brought my book home with me, though. good thing i have class tonight to keep me occupied. did i mention part of my school blew up on tuesday? it's a large-ish campus and one of the steam boilers in the north campus exploded, taking out portions of neighbouring buildings. my classes aren't affected as they're in a different section, but it was still interesting. they said there was a lot of asbestos around from the exploded buildings, so i thought it might be prudent for me to wear my sars mask to class tonight. my craptastic review of girl scout cookies: caramel de lites - good, instant insulin response. the caramel sticks to everything at room temperature, so you have to put them in the fridge for a few minutes. unfortunately, they taste totally different chilled. reduced fat lemon pastry cremes - really good. not too lemony and the cookie part is nice and light. a winner. shortbread - it's really hard to go wrong with shortbread. it's kind of weird eating girls' faces, though. animal treasures - they're HUGE! wow. these are for serious cookie eaters. tasty and with that instant insulin response we've all come to love. i ate two giraffes! thin mints - they're not really thin and absolutely nothing like i thought they'd be (read: like the girl guide version), but still minty enough for me to eat them even though their chocolate-y coating is slightly greasy-feeling. i'm glad i got to finally try the american version of the seasonal cookie whoring, but i think i'll stick with our boring vanilla & chocolate creams.

shopping this weekend was fun. not only because i found cute things, but the cute things i found i had to buy in a size smaller than i normally would. who knew that sixteen pounds could be a whole size? i'm getting a little concerned that i can't seem to find my favourite brand/style of jeans in my new size in any of the stores i've looked in, though. i really love these jeans and if i have to find a new style i'll be right pissed off. i actually considered putting the sixteen pounds back on just so i could keep wearing them. don't worry, i didn't consider it for long. honestly, i don't think i'll be able to say i've lost sixteen pounds for much longer. i think that number is going to be decreasing this weigh in. i've been a complete and utter pig over the last week. with a hormonal binge last thursday, the easter long weekend and the arrival of FIVE boxes of girl scout cookies... well, yeah. it's been frightening. i also haven't gotten off my ass to exercise in a week, either. god, it's pathetic and i just feel rotten, physically. tonight i'm going to stop at the market to restock my house with veggies (i found a liquified cucumber in my crisper last night. ick.), eat a bowl of soup, sweat for half an hour, iron my newly washed cute clothes and go to bed at a reasonable time. it doesn't sound very exciting, i know, but it's just what the doctor ordered and i can't think of anything else i'd rather be doing. except maybe kissing.

if you've lived on the west coast for any length of time, you know all about the ferries. i've written about them before so i'll keep this short: where have all the fucking people come from and why do they always want to be on the same boat as me? geez louise! i was the first or second person denied a ticket for the 10:30 sailing friday morning because of volume. lucky me got to sit around the terminal until 12:30 for the honour of spending an additional two hours of my life crossing the strait. thankfully it was: a) a beautiful day; and, b) i had hey nostradamus! to keep me company. otherwise, my weekend was pretty good. mom really needed me there, too. she's been having to deal with her cousin/tennant's severe health problems and she's pretty much at the end of her tether. brenda (the cousin/tennant) was in hosptial all weekend and i'm glad for both mom and me. it gave her break from the constant worry and allowed me to not get too angry and upset about the situation on her behalf. we watched hockey and a couple movies, did some pre-vegas shopping for her trip next week and hit the casino for a practice run where we both won a combined total of just over a thousand bucks. good thing, too, because i bought some clothes and shoes i really couldn't afford. now i'm back on my side of the water, glad to have slept on my crappy futon (can you believe it?) and to be back in my own space. i could do without the being at work, but with the good always comes some bad, they say. how was your easter?

holy crap i'm in a foul humour. not even the gab'n'bitch session over lunch helped. the sushi place was closed, so we went to the thai place next door and i went WAY over my points and now i feel gross and ill. i've decided that i don't give a fuck about the union meeting tonight, so i'll go get my crappy hair cut tonight, then go home and try to sweat off some of the coconut steamed rice i gorged on. after that, i'm going to lay about in my stinky workout clothes and melt some braincells watching such horrible tv as: survivor, the apprentice and the swan. i really need a hug.

it's a beautiful day. i've a four-day weekend on the island to look forward to. my team won their first playoff game last night. i'm going out for sushi at lunch. i didn't gain even after my horridly bingeful week. i have strong abs. it's payday. i have many new books to read. i didn't get my hair cut. i ate too much crap. i have a lot of work to do before i leave today. i'm oddly dissatisfied with life. i feel bloated. wonderfalls was cancelled. i have to pee. my camera likes to shut down for no apparent reason. i'm sleepy.

by the end of today i'll be in three lottery pools for this friday's $21 million super7 draw. with all those numbers floating around, i've been doing a lot of daydreaming about what i'll do with my millions. here's the short list (almost in order): 1. pay off debts (mine, mom's, dad's) 2. buy new cars (for me, mom & dad) 3. buy a home (mom & dad each already have their own) 4. fly first class to minnesota in july, worcester in september and thunder bay in october. 5. buy the biggest, best bed & sheets money can buy and stay in it for a week, inviting all my friends over for a non-stop bed party. 6. two words: home network. 7. two more words: plasma displays 8. just two more words: digital SLR 9. canucks season's tickets 10. buy meghan cat-proof furniture. 11. buy jeremy a real minion. 12. buy heather maid & laundry service. 13. cats. lots and lots of cats. 14. never worry about money again. i'm hoping it's a crappy hair day today so that i won't hesitate to go get a couple more inches chopped off on the way home. i'm enjoying the shorter hair, but it's a pain having to go get it cut more than once a year. i don't know how guys do it going every month. that'd drive me crazy.

i am absolutely addicted to put down the donut. it's a great weight loss/fitness/lifestyle site run by two very smart women, joelle and kathy. they've got reviews of fitness tapes and books, recipes, tips for staying on track and a few good swift kicks in the ass for good measure. if you're at all interested in losing weight or getting fitter, it should definitely be in your bookmarks. speaking of the fitness, i've completed the slim in 6 (customer reviews) "start it up" video a grand total of seven times so far. of course, that's been over two weeks, not consecutively. considering the first time through had me practically in a wheelchair i'd say i'm doing pretty damn well. i've got to get two more days in this week (tonight and tomorrow) since i'll be going to the island for easter. i've already noticed that, while i still sweat like a river and gasp like a fish out of water, i'm not modifying nearly as much. the biggest thing for me is trying not to expect that i can do it all perfectly every day, like the people in the video. slow and steady. anything is better than the nothing i was doing before, right? i'm so excited that there's a four-day weekend just around the corner! too bad about the having to get up early friday to catch a boat, but i should be able to sleep in for the next three mornings to make up for it. my mom's all excited about this since she hasn't seen me since xmas. oh, and because i'll be painting her bathroom for her, too. i'm such a good kid. my friend wade has been asking me for photography tips. he thinks i'm a really great photographer and wants me to teach him how to use his digicam to make good photos. i was totally flabbergasted when he asked and i realized that, other than knowing a few technical guidelines (rule of thirds, etc), i'm an instinctual photographer and i don't think i could possibly teach that. i just look around the world and then try to capture it in a way that makes me happy. how can that be taught? i did tell him to just take lots and lots of photos. when he finds one he loves, try to recreate it with different subjects. when he finds one he hates, try to think about what he doesn't like about it and avoid that next time. i think that's probably the best, and only advice, i could give.

um. well. uh. i'm actually kind of in a morning blah. getting up at what feels like 5am even though the clock says 6am is just wrong. i hate daylight savings. we don't use gaslight anymore. stop switching the clocks already! grr. the weekend was all right. i went looking at a couple apartments friday night after work. neither was nice enough to go after, though. the first was stinky and had really stupid plastic accordian closet doors. the second was better, but for the kitchen the size of a postage stamp. oh well. good thing i'm in no rush, i suppose. had bbq with m&m&d saturday and sunday nights after getting some shopping, laundry and cleaning done. i still need to vacuum and take my growing collection of diet pepsi containers back, though. watched the majority of pleasantville yesterday afternoon. it's a sweet movie. god, i'm boring. jeremy's back, though! that's a highlight. i just want to crawl back into bed and sleep for a day or three. that's not too much to ask, is it?

so, i've mentioned that i'm trying to follow weight watchers in an attempt to reach a healthy body weight. part of the whole online experience is reading and interacting on the message boards available. it's been interesting and informative and, while i'm not looking to form any kind of relationships with the people on them, i've participated in a few conversations on topics i have something to say about. what's really caught my attention is the number of the really big women (my size and much larger) who have boyfriends, fiances and husbands. it's been a big shock to all my preconceptions that if i'm fat, i can't possibly be attractive to someone. especially enough to be in a long-term relationship. i've tried to rationalize it in my mind by saying "well, they were probably skinny when they got married and then they put on the weight". not very charitable of me, i know; but i've never pretended to be a better person than i am. it's really challenging for me to believe that there are men out there who can get past the rolls and the stretch marks and can see the person and find them attractive enough to fall in love. it goes against everything i've ever believed about men and the dynamics of attraction. yeah, i know there are guys who are "fat admirers" and "chubby chasers" but i don't want to be wanted just because i'm fat, either. i don't know if there's any answer for me right now. it's always been a "when i'm skinny, i'll find someone to love me" kind of thought-process. now that i'm actively participating in a solution that could result in my finally becoming skinny (relatively, of course), all the things i put off until then are coming forward for consideration. it's made for a lot of thinking. in other weight-related news, as of this morning i've lost sixteen pounds. it's been a rocky last two weeks with a bit of a scale hiccough, but i think i'm over that now. i've been trying to exercise semi-consistantly (dear god, can i sweat). my jeans, and even my underpants, are getting really baggy. but, for all that, i can't seem to *see* any changes. debbie, my fitness cheerleader (she lost 75lbs years ago and is this awesomely fit, strong, woman), says i'm looking really good so far; but, i can't help but think "um, it's sixteen pounds. you can't possibly see results this early". sometimes i think i can see a hint of collarbone or more definition in my cheeks, but then i give my head a shake and realize that even if i am seeing very minor changes, i've still got a very long way to go. it's really hard not to get discouraged when you know the road ahead is a long one. i'm not good with long-term goals. i, like pretty much everybody, wants everything NOW, or even YESTERDAY. i know, up here in my logical brain, that this is something that will take a long time and there will be ups and downs. there will be big losses, small losses and even small gains along the way. i need to find a way to cope with what i perceive as setbacks on this journey. whee, more stuff to think about! oh, by the way, this gratuituous mention of gin is for (the other) heather. comment away, babe.

i was thinking of writing something about getting engaged or diagnosed with cancer or winning the lottery in honour of april fool's day, but after probably flunking my final last night, i'm really not in the mood. you know, it sounds like that's an april fool's joke, doesn't it? if only it was. it's completely my fault and i have no one else to blame. if i'd done the last assignment i'd have been completely prepared for the program-writing portion of the exam. as it stands, i didn't finish the program and what portions i did get done (or attempted) aren't working properly. i'm screwed. the only saving grace i might hope for is this snippet from the course outline: i got 81% on the midterm. if i got the 52% or so i think i got on the final, then i just might pass. ugh. stupidstupidstupid. and i have no one to blame but myself.