deep, calming breaths

first, before i forget, thank you for your supportive and inquisitive comments on my anxious, wanna throw up, ohmygodican'tbelievei'mdoingthis, yes, Virginia, change is good post below. i think i'm over the wanting to hurl, but i still cry every time i think about leaving my boss. how sad is that? i didn't have time last night to have a sob-fest to get it out of my system because i was playing WoW with Jeremy. i will have a really good cry tonight and maybe then i'll be able to look at Sam again without turning red, blotchy and have my face start leaking. the thing is, i was so upset when i thought my chance to just apply for this new job was gone. then i was upset when i thought i wouldn't get an interview. then i got upset when i got the job. what kind of freak am i? i don't know what it is about getting what i think i want that turns me into some sort of unstable mess (see: Morgan*). i need this change. i could plug along in this safe, secure position i know like the back of my hand and, every once in a while, have something new come along to make me happy with my work, but be mostly unfulfilled and slowly let my soul be sucked away to be recycled through the HVAC. i could do that, but i know the apathy which comes with being in that situation would only grow bigger and spread outwards into my non-work life (which i think it's already done, to be honest), making my entire life about keeping safe and being boring and slowly dying inside. this is going to be a very big change. i'm going to be so much more busy than i've been used to. i'm going to learn and do so much. i'm finally starting to get a little bit excited. i'm not looking forward to training my replacement, but that's just something i have to deal with. i just keep telling myself that it's not like i'm moving out of my mother's house to the big city to a temporary job i might not have in six months. that's what i did seven years ago when i moved back to north van. this is going to be a piece of cake! * this is the third time this week i've mentioned him. i don't know if i'm not afraid he's going to read it anymore or what, but it feels pretty good to be able to reference him again without dread.