scary, with a capital ARY

i don't have a lot of time to compose this morning because internet access will be broken while the networky people are swapping out something or other at the sub station which will upgrade and streamline the internet connection with our service provider to hopefully solve connectivity issues. yeah, i didn't understand it either. in preparation of the INTERVIEW in two hours and sixteen minutes, i am dressed in my best "hire me" monochromatic brown outfit. the only glitch are the black shoes. they're not brown because: a) my matching pair of brown shoes make my left kneecap pop out of place, b) my not matching pair of brown shoes are far too broken in (read: scruffy) to be presentable in an INTERVIEW; and, c) the almost matching pair of brown shoes are truly ugly and uncomfortable (hey, anybody want an ugly pair of uncomfortable size nine brown ralph lauren shoes i really shouldn't have bought at Winners that day, but my mom thought they were really cute so i caved?). my hair is brown, my eye is half brown, even my eyeshadow is brown. the idea of wearing these black shoes is really getting to me now. maybe taking into consideration my mascara is black-brown will help. no, it's not helping. ohmygod. an INTERVIEW! i haven't had a job interview in, um, seven and a half years. the one before that was in 1991. that's thirteen (almost fourteen!) years ago. and it's so much easier to bullshit in an interview when you haven't known and worked with the people interviewing you for, um, YEARS. i just realized... when the interview kills me, you won't even notice. you'll just think the internet outage is longer than anticipated. you won't know that i've become a twitching, frothing heap of interview-defeated Heather rolling around on the floor in the HR lady's office. just so you know, if i die Heather gets my camera and Jeremy gets my computers.