November 2004 Archives

my C++ final was tonight. cross your fingers that i passed, please.

instead of sitting around the house feeling sorry for myself any longer, i went to the casino last night and won $103.75.

i'm so fucking lonely it feels like dying.

oh. my. god. did i have such the good time last night in celebration of my bestest meghan's birthday. we drank many martinis (her many more than i), talked to many people, made many different kinds of fools out of ourselves, and even managed to phone a boy i know and make him join us in the fun. i really do love the martinis. cheers!

have i mentioned that TAIP doesn't seem to have done any work in the last year? every time i turn around i'm finding something that's piled up or been left to atrophy. things i'll have to fix. today, both my supervisor and manager had little chats with me to check in and make sure i know that they are remorseful for the situation i've inherited. honestly, it's not bugging me so much. what is bugging me is that she spent so much time telling me how organized, efficient and skilled she was (translated: "you can never replace me.") and how she wanted to leave me with a "clean slate" (translated: "HAH! my desk may be clean, but just you wait until you actually look in the drawers!") when she was such an utter and complete dog-fucker. i'm so busy learning new things and trying to deal with each thing as it comes across my desk, through my email or in my voicemail that i don't have any real time to dwell on the enormity of the things i need to do to fix it all. i even managed to solve a couple problems today and it has boosted my confidence a bit. oh, yeah, TAIP called in sick today. i'm sure her new bosses are going to just love her.

i just thought i'd let you know that thanks to dj ariz0na, three cans of diet pepsi and a healthy dose of my father's tenacity, i got my homework done. too bad it took until almost midnight to do it. holy fuck i'm tired.

day one without my TAIP: halleluyah! i learned more about the overall scope and the why's and how's of the things we do in an hour and a half with Debbie than i did in all of last week. of course, i also discovered that she doesn't seem to have done anything in the last five years as there is at least a week's worth of overtime (that's 40 hours, people) just to get things up to an even starting point. heh. and i thought i was tired already. and i haven't even mentioned the paperclips. no, you really don't want me to tell you about the paperclips. i'm not kidding. my manager has started to apologize to me for all the work i'm going to have to do to clean up TAIP's mess. good. maybe i'll get my whiteboard out of the deal. i really want a whiteboard. in other news, i have homework to do. tomorrow is my last class and the week after that is the final. yippee! no more C++! good thing, seeing as i'll be working all those extra hours. ;) too much caffeine, sorry. short, blurty sentences. oh, did i tell you i had sushi and edamame for dinner? damn, that shit is good. hm. i think i should stop drinking the Diet Pepsi. i'm a tad hyper. time to put on the ariz0na and get to work.

while i wait for my hair to dry and my rotini to cook, i guess i should work on that weekly update i promised you on Thursday. strangely, and completely out of character, my super-busy week has carried over into a super-busy weekend. friday night was probably the only downtime the entire two days. just a short list of the things i've accomplished this weekend: - laundry - grocery shopping - xmas shopping - xmas decorating - cleaning floors - washing many dishes - making candles - taking many pictures - dusting - finally putting last three boxes away - organizing storage closet - present wrapping - fried rice cooking there's more, but i did say a short list. honestly, i haven't felt very comfortable just sitting around at all. it's like i'm someone else. someone who shakes their rugs out and puts up xmas lights and has a bubble bath. i don't know this person. who is she and what is she doing in my apartment? that's enough about my other, June Cleaver-esque personality. my first week on the new job. well, it was definitely something different than what i'm used to. i've already moaned about the increase in working. seriously, i didn't actually realize just how little i was doing, or rather just how efficient i'd gotten, in my previous position. this job is going to seriously challenge me on many levels. firstly, it's much more physical. instead of having my ass parked in the chair all day i'm up and down stairs all the time. this is not a negative. this will give me QUADS OF STEEL which is a good thing. then there's the lifting, shifting and general carrying of tools, parts, uniforms, files, etc. there could be quite a bit of that. secondly, i have to deal with many, many people. PEOPLE. other human beings who won't just drop things off and pick things up, but people who will come to me and demand ANSWERS and SOLUTIONS and STUFF. part of this dealing with people involves the having of one of the fancy phones and voice mail. voice mail. i have voice mail at work. i can't avoid the people by hiding in the file room. they can leave me messages. this... i'm not sure how i feel about this yet. ask me after this week. the person i'm replacing (henceforth known as The Annnoying Incompetent Psycho, or TAIP) did most of the phone answering last week. it was her way to control the situation just a little longer, you see. thirdly, there is just SO MUCH WORK. oh my god, the work. it's unfathomable. piles of it everywhere. you think i'm exaggerating. i'm not! when i got there on Monday, there were literally PILES of it on the desk. thankfull, thanks to TAIP's inability to properly train me, i managed to get most of it filed away (because that's all i'm good for to TAIP: doing crap filing so she didn't have to). not only is there a lot of work, it's a lot of different work. paperwork, tool work, more tool work, uniform work, safety documentation work, filing work. i'm making it sound like it's all overwhelming and horrible. well, it's not horrible, but it was certainly overwhelming. i attribute most of that to the complete and utter frustrating ineptitude of TAIP to answer my questions or properly convey the why's, how's and where's of the job. as told to me by my new officemate, Sean, TAIP has never once fully trained anyone to do her job. he surmises that is her means to maintain control. by the end of the week i had to agree with him. it's a way to make herself look better: "hey, no one can replace me. this job is so complicated and complex that only *i* can do it!". additionally, i think she's just incapable of letting go of her unbearable negativity about EVERY FUCKING THING. seriously, i can handle being bombarded by buckets of new information, emergencies disrupting the training time and all those stairs. what was going to get to me by the end of the week was her passively agressive attitude. luckily, i had Debbie to vent to and both she and Sean were so understanding and supportive of the experience. they just kept telling me that i'd be deprogrammed next week. indeed, that's what's going to happen. they're going to re-train me to do most of the things TAIP either glossed over or showed me once or didn't show me at all. i make it sound so doomy and gloomy. i don't mean to, but there were a lot of big, new, scary, annoying things about the week. of course, they were tempered by the cool, fun, interesting, challenging things. filed under cool things were my new safety shoes! ohmygod. these are the most comfy shoes i have ever owned right out of the box. who knew that steel toed shoes came in sneaker styles? i certainly didn't. i also never expected them to be comfortable as all get out. i would love to get a non-steel-toed pair just for the rest of my life, they're so great. other neat things included meeting a bunch of people whose names i've known for the last seven years but hadn't yet seen their faces, getting to go up to my old desk to work on the website one last time, going out for lunch with my new departmental co-workers, and discovering my new supervisor is pretty damn cool. i was so nervous at the beginning of the week. i was convinced i had chosen incorrectly. that i should have stayed where i was comfortable and safe. where i didn't have any stress or worry. where i knew everything and everything was manageable. i was wrong. this job, once i get over the learning hump, is going to be great. i needed this challenge. i can already feel a difference. i may be exhausted and need a lot more recharging in my off hours, but i'm happy. i'm practically giddy, even. i can actually see potential now. not only in my work life, but in my personal life, too. it's new and it's good. i don't know what i was so worried about. ;)

you get two photos tonight because i feel guilty for doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, washing dishes and watching before sunset instead of actually communicating with anyone. i have worked harder this week, both physically and mentally, than i have in years. i've barely had the energy to climb the stairs home, let alone try to document or relay the experience. i hope that a re-settled home environment and a good night's sleep friday will restore some energy for non-work-related human interaction. teasers: safety shoes, passive-aggressive bullshit, supervisors, uniform follies.

one day i won't be so boring. i hope. i'll have an overview of the first week of the new job this weekend, i think. good thing for the D70, so y'all have pictures to look at, huh?

home from work. off to school. dear god, is it really only tuesday?

i didn't die, but i just might kill the woman training me.

i'm scared shitless about going to work tomorrow, but i'm even more scared to talk about being scared shitless about going to work tomorrow.

this morning, i'm going to the cenotaph with my dad to honour the veterans who fought and died for my freedom. the weather is looking lovely, so i expect to take many photos of the vets in their poppies. this afternoon, i'm going to do some running around and a little bit of housework. tonight, i'm going to the island to visit my mom. that's all. have a good weekend, you.

today is my last day in my old job. i'm trying to copy files, uninstall programs and not forget anything from the drawers. it's not like i'm leaving the company, i'm just going downstairs, but still... it's a little traumatic. all my photos and cards are gone from the walls. soon, my collection of toys will be boxed up and my little corner in MIS will be bare and impersonal. considering they're not going to replace me, it's going to stay that way for the forseeable future, too. it'll be kind of sad to walk past my old desk and see it empty and blank. on the up-side, it's my friday and we're having a birthday lunch (and cake!), so it's helping to take the edge off. by the way, i'll probably be a night-time blogger for the next couple of weeks. with being in the new job (and not knowing if i get internet access, even), i won't have time during the day. not that anyone will really notice the difference, other than not having to wait until i've gotten my morning shit together to find a new post to not comment on. teehee. as they say: onwards and upwards!

i'm not sure what the universe is trying to do to me, but first Jason comes over and i spend time with him for the first time in almost, if not, a year. then last night, i stop at the grocery store on my way home from the photography seminar deal and there's Tall Shane staring at the popcorn selection and we talked for near an hour (for the first time in well over six months) while wandering up and down the aisles. then, when i get home, Ohio Dan has sent me an email out of the complete and utter blue, having not had contact with him for at least two years. seriously, if Morgan, Paul or Jason1 start crawling out of my woodwork, i may just have to do something violent and potentially messy. i'm not sure if this is some sort of reminder from the universe that these are all men who were not good for me (for many and varied reasons), and it's trying to remind me of the things which didn't work in the past so i don't repeat my mistakes or what, but it's really kind of creepy. why are all these boys from my past coming back into my life just as i decide it's all about the boy who probably doesn't want me? oh, wait. i guess i already answered my question in that previous paragraph. then again, i don't know if the boy doesn't want me. we've never had that conversation... specifically. of course, part of me doesn't care if he does or not. it's just really nice to have this great fantasy life with him as the star and the fluttery tummy when i think about him. now i just sound stalker-freaky. i'm sorry. i'm not stalker-freaky, i promise. really.

unfortunately, i totally forgot that i'd registered for a two-hour digital photography seminar tonight which means that's two and a half hours i don't have to do my homework. ugh. if i'd remembered, i could have spent less time yesterday doing nothing after Jason left and gotten it done. it was so nice to have someone around this weekend. watching Nova, geeking out with our computers, ordering chinese food, sleeping late, catching up, drinking greasy ginger ale. my apartment didn't seem oppressively small and uncomfortable like the last one. the only problem was it seemed extra big and lonely after he left. i need more company! just make sure you time it so i've just happened to have scrubbed down the bathroom, okay? i move to my new job next monday, the 15th. i was supposed to have done some half-day training this week and next, starting full-time on the 22nd, but i was informed on friday that monday's the big day. they still haven't posted my current position or told anyone they're filling in for me. i think, but i can't be sure, that they might be doing something to the job, either changing or removing it. if they take this opportunity to change it into something i've wanted it to become, i'll be so upset since i can't apply for another position for at least six months according to our contract. so, i'm a little nervous and tense about that. i'll get over it, of course, but being nervous about change is what i do. i only have three days in my old department to get things sorted and ready for me to leave, since thursday is a holiday and i have friday off as vacation. i can't think about it too much or i start to cry. i'm such a wreck. i need a hug, a stiff drink and my boy. not necessarily in that order.

not that guy, but he still smells good. it was really good for my ego to say "come over" and he did. on a ferry, no less! yeah, i guess i'll keep him. don't worry, he slept on the futon. really.

i think i found my guy. *daydream* p.s. i have new pants and i feel HOTT.

you know those big bins the Salvation Army or Goodwill have in grocery store parking lots? the ones you're supposed to put "good, used clothing" in? i never thought that people actually used them. i figured kids would think it was funny to put their neighbour's cat in or maybe a purse snatcher might dump the Dolce in it after swiping the cash. i didn't honestly believe that people would put their charitable items in a container in the middle of public where anyone and their cousin Guido could come and take stuff. then again, i didn't honestly think anyone would try to break into one of them because, well, there couldn't be anything in it and it's for CHARITY, dammit. well, i was wrong on all counts. people actually do put their old clothes in those bins and other people actually do break into them and steal things meant for charity. this morning on the way to work, i witnessed a woman in an orange touque (which should have been a sign of good taste and common sense) rifling though the spoils of an opened and emptied Goodwill bin. right there, on the street. she obviously knew she was doing wrong; it was like watching those game shows where they put the people in a booth with flying money and they're madly scrambling to get as much stuffed down their pants as they can before the fan cuts off. the thing is, she wasn't extraordinarily grubby. she was actually quite slacker-chic (not that i'm someone anyone (but Mel) should listen to about fashion). i know you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but i can't help but think this woman just thought "FREE CLOTHES" and started sifting before a cop drove by (it's near a Tim Horton's, the odds were good). if my light hadn't turned green, i'd totally have taken a picture for you.

not much to report, really. it's been three months since i moved into my apartment and i just hung my pretty Ikea art last night. i think my measurements were off a titch, but i think they're close enough that the casual observer won't notice that they don't line up. tonight, i think i'll clean the bathroom after i walk up to London Drugs to look at camera bags (although, i'm pretty sure i'm going to order a Crumpler). yeah, i'm a party animal. woot.

this is the part where i talk about the U.S. election. there's way too much red on that map at CNN. i think that's all i have to say about that. well, and that i think i need to buy this t-shirt. oh, and the electoral college is weird. this is the part where i gush about how great it is to have married Shane as my class buddy. we have so much fun! i don't know how i'd survive these classes i don't really care that much about without him. we laugh and have in-jokes. when the teacher says something we look at each other at the same time and start to giggle. yay for class buddies! this is the part where i imply that i'm stressed about something, but i don't give you any details and you start to get annoyed with me. this is the part where i talk about all the stuff i need to do this week. my house is becoming a sty. the bathroom needs a thorough going over. you know, for all that it was really weird to have every room in my last apartment carpeted, it hid a multitude of floor-related sins. i also have a crafty project i need to do so i can return the borrowed implements. my aunt & uncle from Ontario are in town until next Monday and i thought about going to the island just for a day to visit with them, but i'm already planning to go over for the long weekend next week, so i think i'll have to pass. this is the part where i talk about homework. oy! i don't know what it is, but i just can't seem to get my act together this semester. i understand everything in the lectures and i did really well on my mid-term, but i just can't seem to get my act in gear with the assignments. please, someone come and kick my ass! this is the part where i go get more coffee and get some work done.

firstly, go vote america. if you don't participate, you can't complain for four more years. secondly, they put up the little notice about my new job on the bulletin boards and people keep coming up to me and saying things like "congratulations" or "you're leaving us?" or "no! you can't go! i'll miss you!". way to make me feel weird and slightly guilty. thirdly, i don't know if it's happening for anyone else, but i'm having intermittent connection issues with anything fubsy.net related. if you are, i'm sorry. i hope it won't last long. lastly, i'm a horrible person who can't seem to get anything done right and this headache which is threatening to pop my left eye out of my head and into my coffee cup is just the mildest form of divine retribution for all the wrong which is contained within me.

blame jen: A is for age: 32. B is for booze: broken down golf cart. C is for career: i'm the new materials clerk, yo. D is for dad's name: james william. E is for essential item to bring to a party: pants. F is for favorite song at the moment: 'she will be loved' by maroon 5. G is for girlfriend: don't have one. i'm not one. H is for hometown: north vancouver, bc. I is for instruments you play: previously: recorder, clarinet, piano, guitar. if i ever break the tv habit, i'd totally buy a digital piano and relearn how to play. J is for jam or jelly you like: strawberry, blackberry. K is for kids: hell no. L is for living arrangements: one bedroom apartment. yay! M is for mom's name: donna mae. N is for name of your best friend: i refuse to answer this because people will whine. O is for overnight hospital stays: not since i was born. P is for phobia: coming out of the mall and having my car missing. Q is for quote you like: "boys are yucky. throw rocks at them." R is for relationship that lasted the longest: um. well. hm. that's a post unto itself. S is for sexual position: come over and find out. T is for time you wake up: 6-ish. U is for unique trait: come over and find out. ;) V is for vegetable you love: brussel sprouts! W is for worst trait: procrastination. X is for x-rays you've had: teeth, nose, chest, knee. Y is for yummy food you make: stew, chicken fried rice, turkey chili, turkey meatloaf, tortilla pizza, tomato-basil sauce. i'm a damn fine cook. Z is for zodiac sign: i am the cancer.

thank goodness for the time change. when my eyes popped open at 4 a.m. it was really nice to say "HA! screw you!" and go back to sleep for two more hours, luxuriating in the knowledge that it time was on my side and i was actually getting to sleep until seven. mm, seven! today would have been my gran's 96th birthday. happy birthday, gran. i still love and miss you very much.