who am i?

i've been trying to figure out why i'm so damn lazy lately. i haven't even pretended to consider putting up anything xmassy at home. i haven't done a lick of baking. i have barely managed to tidy up the apartment and get laundry & dishes done.

the holidays are usually really big for me. i'm all about the decorations, the carols, the baking, the tv specials, the cards. this year... not so much. not at all, really, and i want to know why.

is it because i'm not as lonely as i usually am? maybe having new friends to spend time with has been a substitute for excessive holiday excitement? maybe it's the recent work stress manifesting itself as after-hours apathy? maybe i just want to spend more time in my bed staring at my beautiful new curtains?

i have two weeks to until xmas. this one is filled to the brim with holiday events: three work lunches in a row & two evening engagements. in between them all, i want to have dinner with jamie and, yes, get some damn baking done. i'm hoping tonight's the night to break that particular ice. wish me luck.

p.s. dante didn't phone last night like he said he would. i don't think i'm upset about it, but i could be wrong. until given reason to think otherwise, he is now relegated to the position of "pub boyfriend", which has absolutely no relevance to my life away from the barstool. and that's okay.