on camels and straws

after several weeks of trying to make it to my vacation in a ramped-up high-stress work environment, while also trying to be there for other people in my life, on top of attempting to maintain a social life and keeping my house in order both literally and figuratively, i completely lost it on friday.

first, i'd not gotten enough sleep a few nights in a row. then, i accidentally rammed a q-tip hard and deep into my left ear. on top of that, everything work related went sideways all while having to wear the shoes which give me horrendous foot pain. sometime around noon, i'd just had enough, so i closed my office door and started bawling.

i'd been feeling like i was being pulled in a dozen different directions for a couple of weeks. yet, i didn't want to disappoint anyone, so i tried so very hard to keep it all in balance, but obviously i was doing a very poor job of that. it had been building for a few days, that feeling of tension coiling up inside my chest waiting for a release. it was only a matter of time. i had hoped i could make it just one more week until i was off work.

luckily for me, both my boss and my boyfriend were so very comforting to me. my boss, who runs at peak stress 95% of the time, understands exactly how i was feeling at that time and commiserated with me while i calmed down and fanned my face to keep from crying any more. my boyfriend was right there for me, even though i wasn't even sure i wanted or needed it and i'm sure i made it very difficult for him to be there at all. he did everything right and for that i'm so grateful it makes me want to cry a little bit more.

everything is so very sensitive right now. i'm not quite over the hump, but, as i've been telling myself, vacation is only a week away. if i can make it to the end of next friday i should be okay. i really hope i'll be okay, because if it's not i don't quite know what i'm going to do.