August 2009 Archives

i'm sick and tired of death. i know it's an inevitable part of life and, as i get older, i'm going to experience it more often, but that doesn't mean i can't be fucking pissed off whenever i'm confronted by it.

so far this summer my step-mother and great-aunt passed away. both my best friend and kimli lost their beloved felines. one of the biggest-hearted women i've ever known, my amazing and caring co-worker, just recently lost her husband to a long and awful fight with leukemia . not to mention the celebrity deaths we've all heard of.

i'm so tired of crying and losing people, near or far.

this has no point, i just needed to vent. sorry.

i've recently learned that the transmission in my car is on its way out. failing. wearing out. dying. going kaput. which means either replacing it with a used one for approximately $1500 (a mere $1100 less than i paid for the whole car) or, as Rod from the Spa mentioned, get another used VW Golf for the same amount. well, i don't have $1500 for a new-used transmission or a new-used car. and, really, in the 24 months i've had this car, i've spent many thousands of dollars on it. many more thousands of dollars than i either had or wanted to spend.

so, now i'm back to where i was in August 2007 after my beloved Geo lost the fight with the Range Rover: facing carlessness and transit commuting.

i don't know how long the tranny will last. it could blow up at any second. for the time being, i just have to make sure i really warm up the car up before i get into any driving situations which require immediate shifting ability as it seems to only misbehave when it's cold and when i need to back up. my main concern right now is keeping it going until i've fully recovered from the upcoming knee surgery.

oh, and before anyone gets smart and suggests i go buy a new car (look at al those deals! interest rates are so low!), there's no money for car payments anywhere in my budget. every available penny is going to paying back the bank for my fiscal stupidity. there is no room for anything extra for another two years. August 2011 is my projected debt-free date. until then, consider me cash poor and unable to acquire new wheels.

that, of course, doesn't mean i haven't been looking at new cars. i think that, of the new batch of sub-compacts out there, the Honda Fit might be my next auto. my dream car is the Mazda3 Sport, but there's no way i could afford that (without winning a couple-dozen grand from somewhere). then again, there's no telling what'll be on the market for the 2012 vehicle year. they're still working on flying cars, right?

all that being said, my irony for the day is that i'm debating spending ~$85 on either a Tivo or Wii Sports Resort. both have pros (fun! convenience!), cons (drain of bank account) and added expenses (monthly fees, cables, extra motion controller thingies) all of which are manageable to an extent.

i just feel like a douche even considering them when the whole car thing is all up in my face.

i'm not a douche, am i?

holy crap, i've been putting shit up on the internet for NINE YEARS. what the fuck was i thinking when i started this?

oh, right. i wasn't:

anyhoo, this is the first of what will probably be at least three entries i'll make. who knows, it may not even go the way of my other attempts to journal and will evolve into some really weird, yet compelling, place to be.

happy birthday little weblog! you're my longest relationship, ever. *smooch*

what do you do when you can't tweet? that's right, you figure out a way to blog instead. heh.

the last month has gone by in a complete blur. honestly, i'm not actually sure what i did with myself for the last 30 days. there were a few more birthday celebratory things. i saw a movie or three. my tomato plants started churning out cherries. saw my dad a lot -- which is a nice change. ate dinner with famous politicians while wearing a dress. went to see The Decemberists rock out at The Vogue. went to the hospital. had to get my car towed. went swimming. discovered the awesomeness which is homemade pesto. got tranquilizers which i'm afraid to take. oh, yeah, and i nearly died from a ridiculous record-breaking heat wave.

huh, i guess i wasn't as boring as i thought. that's nice. i was hoping my first month being 37 wouldn't be too disappointing.

my upcoming knee surgery is consuming my thoughts these days. from worrying about going under to trying to figure out how much money i'll need to save to ensure i have enough to pay my bills with my reduced income while i'm off to trying to develop a training plan which will cover all eventualities my temp might encounter. it's only three weeks away and it's stressing me out to no end (hence procuring tranquilizers).

i keeping wanting to see people but their fun and exciting lives either intimidate or thwart me from making plans. if it didn't mean dusting, i'd totally invite y'all over to hang out and watch MST3K movies with me. preferably sans pants.