mmm... [ this is the life of an albino giraffe ]

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thursday, august 31

i love tom robbins. this is his response to being questioned about his latest novel fierce invalids home from hot climates:

Q: You say your work is not autobiographical, and it certainly doesn't fit into any of the genre categories. How would you describe it, then?

A: It's a hallucinogen, an aphrodisiac, a mood-elevator, an intellectual garage door opener, and a metaphysical trash compactor: it'll do everything except rotate your tires.

he's right it is all of those things. in addition, i think it actually painted my toenails one night while i was asleep. really!
** 10:30

i can't wait to get home. how sad is that? i've been at work for a whopping hour and i'm ready to go home. it probably has something to do with the fact the radio was playing some god-awful song at 5:20 am. so bad in fact that i got up 40 minutes early. i just couldn't lie in bed listening to that crap. instead i got up, made coffee and did some online research into a web host.

yup, i have my own domain now. of course, there's nothing there yet, as i don't have a host. but there will be soonish. this'll move there eventually. oooh. i can't wait! it'll be so much fun.

"hey, what's your email address?"
"do you have a webpage?"
"ooh. you're so cool, you have your own domain!"
** 08:39

* * *

wednesday, august 30

argh. i just wasted an hour trying to spice up this page (i failed). three weeks blogging and i already have three different layouts. i'm just never satisfied.

that reminds me. "when doves cry" by the artist who may, or may not, be known as prince... well, i used to think the lyrics were "maybe i'm just like my mother, she never sat inside". i later learned it's actually "she's never satisfied". that's still not as bad as when i thought it was "just cut the cheese before you leave me" instead of "just touch my cheek". i am so not an aural person. gimme text. we like text.

i hate doctors. i'll do almost anything to avoid going to the doctor. think about it, when you go to the doctor they want you to pee in a cup and have needles stuck in your arm to extract your vital fluids . they stick various implements and apendages into your various orifices. then they scribble something on a piece of paper and insist you injest some unknown substance, telling you that if you don't get better in X days or weeks, to come back and they'll try something different. they're GUESSING folks. they have no clue. trial and error. that's not good enough for me, thanks. i'd rather just let myself fall apart than be subjected to a physician's guesstimates.

that being said, how does one go about finding a good doctor? you can wander around and ask everyone you know "hey, do you like your doctor?" then they'll become suspicious and want to know why you want to know. if i'm so concerned that i feel the need to find a physician, the last thing i want is someone asking me about it. i realize that in the doctor-patient relationship i am the customer. but, it's just so easy to feel you're not in charge. we're taught to revere the medicine man. that he is somehow better than us. so, to walk in and actually interview a doctor to see if they're the right one for you, feels somehow... sacrilegious. *gasp* you don't implicitly trust the people in white coats? they aren't gods. they're people who know more than you and i about medical information and techniques. they're not all good people. they're not all nice people. they're not all saviours.

i'm seriously starting to waiver in my resolve to go to england this fall. i'm thinking of all the things i could do with the money that would benefit me more. the train of thoughts goes something like:

"i'm so fucking poor. i really want to go to england. it's nice having $600 in my savings account, though. i really don't want to have to use my visa anymore. one pound is two and a half dollars. thank god iain said he'd feed me. then again, he won't even be able to come to scotland with me like he promised. i could spend half the amount and go see heather for rowan's third birthday. or go to seattle and meet susane. i have my passport now, i have five years before it expires. *whine* but it's england!!! it would be so embarrasing to have to explain why i'm not going. everyone's expecting me to now. i could pay off a credit card. i could get my car fixed up enough to last another year. i could use the money for a down payment on a new car! i could buy a playstation2. i could buy a bed. *sigh* i just don't know what i'm going to do."

** 10:30

* * *

tuesday, august 29

i wonder what i'm compensating for. is it the fact i have no money, prospects or romance in my life? is that why i'm bursting with the desire to clean, tidy and chuck out the crap i perceive as weighing my life down? or do i think that by keeping my house pretty and clean a suitably suitable person will knock at my door and make everything all right?

i have a lot of worries. i worry that i'll never feel financially secure. i worry that when my parents die i won't be able to handle it. i worry that i'll never have anyone tell me they love me and mean it. i worry that no one will come to my funeral. i even worry that i don't think enough about things. that i waste too much time on things which aren't important or productive. i worry about my lack of motivation and ambition.

i think i believe that if i just wait, everything will be okay. that it will just happen. that i won't have to suffer or work too hard or fight for it. that i won't have to sacrifice. i've never been good at sacrificing.

money. let's take that for an example since it's been on my mind so much lately. i don't have enough of it. i've used the plastic too much. i've given into the temptation of the moment too many times. i pay my bills, i have enough to eat, no one is knocking at my door demanding i sell my liver to pay them off. in some people's eyes, i have it really good. i work for the government (kinda) in a union job with a lot of security and excellent pay and benefits. if i stay here, i'll retire rich. but, retirement is 37 years away and i'd rather be rich now. (i also worry that i'm not patient enough.) even given all that, i never seem to get ahead. i'm actually considering cancelling my trip to england because i could better spend the money fixing my car or paying off some debt -- england! my dream! and i'm thinking of cancelling!

i'm too impulsive with my money/time/love/etc. i'm unwilling to give up the moment for the future. maybe it's because i don't believe there is a future?

i have so many questions and so few answers.
** 08:57

* * *

monday, august 28

i was on the phone last night and tyler asked me to marry him. of course, i said "ask me to marry you". but i didn't think he would. it's a pity it wasn't real. i love tyler a lot. i told him how i was worried that i didn't have a back-up. you know, a friend you've made a pact with that if by age X you're still single, you will marry each other just so you'll have someone to take to company picnics and scratch that bit in the centre of your back you can never reach on your own.
** 08:27

* * *

sunday, august 27

woke up at 8:30am. on a sunday. uhm... check the post immediately below this one. i didn't get to sleep until after 3am. this is not right. i woke up with all these plans to clean running through my mind. what the hell?

i watched coronation street while making my shopping list and balancing my chequebook. i got online for a while. i had some spaghetti for breakfast. i drank too much coffee. i put on paul's pajama top and my rattiest jeans. i brushed my teeth and shook out my hair. i went shopping looking like a bum. it was actually refreshing. didn't give a damn about what anyone thought (which is good 'cause i really was a mess).

came home, semi-sorted through the groceries. nestled down in my big chair, read some harry potter (those books read far too fast) and ate some bits'n'bites.

got up, looked around and steeled myself. put on my tevas and new rubber gloves (why didn't i buy myself rubber gloves years ago??), brought out my household chemicals and tackled my bathroom -- an hour later, it sparkled. so much so, i don't want to use it ever again. i wonder if bonnie next door will let me use hers for a small fee.

came out from the bathroom and thought that since i'd gone that far... got out the vacuum and started moving furniture around.

the end result? other than a few requisite piles of stuff, my place is looking damn spiffy. i'm actually rather pleased. right now, some nachos are in the oven and i have a cold can of diet coke open in front of me. ahhh. it's the simple things in life with make me most happy.
** 17:48

goddammit!! i just nearly got taken out by a mini-van. A MINI-VAN!! bastard driver ran though a three-way intersection i was making a left through. he was going at least 60kph. motherfucker. if i hadn't of gunned it when i saw him come around the corner at full speed he would have slammed into the back corner of my car. as he passed me on the subsequent straight-a-way i thought "i should have let him hit me. at least i'd get some cash."

but... a mini-van! that's just wrong. aren't mini-vans all supposed to be safely tucked into their garages by 8pm? i detest mini-vans. get a freaking station wagon instead! at least they drive like cars and the little, meek housewives won't be piddling about with no freaking idea how much vehicle they're actually piloting... therefore endangering fellow motorists and the "precious cargo" they're transporting. ugh.
i hate mini-vans.

i'd love to expound on my complete and utter loathing for that kind of transport (and then move along into suv's), but it's almost 3am and i just got home. i'm surprised any of this is at all coherent... of course, i'll probably read this in the morning and think "holy shit. how could i have posted *that*??"

goodbye. farewell. auf wiedersehen. adieu. (to yeu and yeu and yeu...)
** 02:47

* * *

friday, august 25

my friday night:
* dinner (basmati rice with soy sauce, diet coke, steamed baby potatoes and digestive biscuits).
* laundry
* big brother
* Brutal Truth Night
* sex in the city
* flossing
* crunches and reverse crunches
* mudding
* the tick & x-men on teletoon

it's official. i have no life.
** 22:04

10 minutes left in my (work) day. i managed to get five loonies so i'll be able to at least get the core of my laundry done without going to the bank. i should stop by the store on the way home and buy some chips and stuff to take to meg's for card night. i'm feeling guilty about always eating their food and drinking their beer. i did pay for most of the pizza wednesday, though.

shit!! shitshitshit! i forgot to call mr. lube and make an appointment to get the oil change and rad flush for my car tomorrow. fuck. (see what i mean about my memory?) okay, i should do that before i leave. ugh. but that means i have to leave my house tomorrow. during daylight. ick. at least their shop is close to the mall; i won't have to take the bus all the way home to sit for a couple hours just to take the bus back again.
** 15:58

yay!! *happy dance* i've finally been added to the blogger directory!!

i've spent 15 days checking, re-checking and then checking again to see if my blog had been added. i would have emailed and whined about it a week ago, but it says right in the how-to not to email them. so i didn't. i waited. not a bit patiently, mind you. but i waited.

but now i'm there! people will see when i update my blog! they'll think "what the hell is an albino giraffe?" and come look. that's how i've found some really neat (and, oddly enough, often canadian) blogs -- "gee, that's a neat name." *click*

other than that excitement, it's been a weird day. i think i thought it was friday last night 'cause i slept through both my alarms and had a hell of a time getting myself out of bed this morning. when i finally got to work i had a headache and my eyes felt all squinty and tired. then i had a crapload of work to do because it's payroll friday and sandy was leaving early -- blah blah blah. just another typically atypical week. the combination of all the mess in finance and my complete lack of desire to work on anything that isn't related to me (as the site re-designs can attest) has meant that not much has gotten done unless as a total rush to get through a mountain of paper just to have a clear in-tray. i can't wait for my holidays.

this site was fun for me for two reasons: 1) i'm a big brother addict; and, ii) the characters were freakishly similar to the actual persons i know. give it a whirl. if you don't like it, i'll refund your money.

i can remember the song i pairs rollerskated to with dietrich gunther on valentine's day in 1981, but i can't remember the thing i really wanted to look up online that i thought of on the way to work this morning. this is the way my memory works. i know the stupidest facts which will be twigged by a topic of conversation (just call me "non sequitur girl"), but i can't remember them to save my life otherwise. i wonder sometimes if it's just lack of attention or there really is a mis-fire in my brain somewhere.

i tried ginko biloba, i didn't notice any improvement. i bought the mega-memory course, but i honestly just remembered that i'd tucked it under the chair as i started to write this paragraph -- and i've had it for two years! this actually scares me. my step-mother has alzheimers and i don't ever want to end up like her. i'll kill myself, or commission someone else to do it for me, first.
** 15:19

* * *

thursday, august 24

just wanted to link this (by the way, i really didn't mean for this to become a linky kinda thing, but, too bad): the case against capri pants. i'm embarrassed to divulge that my mother's been wearing them for most of my life. i'm probably just jealous because she's got nicer legs than i do.

took julie out to lunch. somewhere in the building birthday cards are circulating. emailed a bunch of stuff to iain. we haven't done that in a while. he's also grumbly 'cause i won't re-type to him what i put here so he has to visit and catch up. aww. poor bunny. at least i know *one* person is visiting.
** 13:59

i love looking at pretty pictures. that would be why i was *this* close to becoming an art historian. so when i find an artist who's work makes me blink twice and smile, i'm really exicted about it. that's what stephanie law's shadowscapes did to me. i really enjoy clean lines and detailed images (gee, could that be why i love the renaissance?), and the fact she works with fantasy metaphors just makes her work all the more appealing to me.

yup. went to meghan's last night and watched three hours of survivor. it was fun! hell, who can't have fun with tv, friends, pizza and a kitten (even if he did repeatedly take chunks out of my hands with his razor-sharp teeth)? we were suitably shocked at the outcome and the final drama. ohwell. i wanted jenna to win and am just glad gervase (uh, who came up with THAT spelling??) or sean didn't make it to the final four -- i'm sorry, but i don't want alphabet-boy to be poking around inside my skull thankyouverymuch. it's over now and it's all about big brother until the new season begins. i may actually have to get a life.
** 08:50

* * *

wednesday, august 23

yes. i know. eventually i'll stop doing this. promise. (the design changes, not the blogging.)

these are the last three designs: one, two and three

let's have a little poll. which do you like best? email me your answer!
** 12:54

yes! this guy has it! saint caffeine's non smoking diaries check out his first post (at the bottom)... that's exactly what i'm going through. it's been almost four months, but i'm still amazed at the things i can smell! this morning for example, i swear i can smell each and every one of the four haircare products which are in my hair. it's been driving me batty.

too much mudding last night. eyestrain combined with the horrendously full stomach from too much chinese food and staying up an hour later than i'd planned. i need more time. or less committments. or both! it's getting harder and harder to get up in the morning...
** 08:35

* * *

tuesday, august 22

actually accomplishing stuff at work today. yay me!

going for chinese food with dad and uncle tonight. gotta love it when someone else cooks *and* pays.

trying to organize a small, short-notice birthday lunch for julia and it's falling apart already. can't be friday 'cause debby's away. can't be wednesday, that's too soon. debby can't come now 'cause she's booked off thursday. glenda isn't sure if she has time thursday. julie -- goddamn stubborn wench! i had to threaten her to agree to come any day. good thing she knows i love 'er.
** 15:22

what would i ever do without iain?
** 14:33

* * *

monday, august 21

ugh. headache.
** 15:37

damn! well, at least i don't need a playstation right now. why? jason directed me towards a mud. and, unfortunately, i like it. it reminds me of the "good ol' days" back on SPAMud when i spent an entire weekend trying to get to level 20 just to show john i could. yes. i'm a geek. like that should be any surprise by now.

must play. must game. must level. kill mob. kill!
** 13:51

i want a playstation. i covet a playstation. i must have a playstation! must play. must game. the problem is do i go out now and buy one to sate my needs... or wait until october and get a playstation2? *sigh* i'm not good at patience. plus, i can afford a ps now. will i be able to afford a ps2 in october? after england? i don't think so.

what i think i'll do is go rent a ps and a couple games this weekend and see if the need is still there. it could be just the power of suggestion from watching clips of tomb raider the other day (i wanna be lara croft).
** 10:57

just ran across this and had to post it: The 50 Least Influential Movies. i dunno, i actually loved 'heartbeeps'.
** 07:59

* * *

sunday, august 20

ahhh. there's nothing like emerging from a hot shower feeling all drippy and freshly scrubbed. nothing like it. plus, i picked up one of those teen-packs they always have right before school goes back. you know, the ones with all the hygeine products. well, this one had a HUGE pump-bottle of aussie mega shampoo (which was weird 'cause it brought back memories of the first time i'd ever seen it -- *hint* i was visiting edmonton) and some lady's shave gel, among other things. so i've shampooed with new shampoo and shorn with shave gel for the first time (and let me tell you, it's awesome! feel my legs! they're so smooth!) and deep conditioned my hair. now i feel the need to sit back with a cocktail and a cigar and just be regal.

there was a bunch of crap i was going to type about during the day. totally gone from my head now, though. oh. fucked up the last chance to qualify for millionaire tonight. *sigh* i think it's 'cause i tried to use my cordless phone. it's easier to get confused when you're hitting the buttons by touch instead of sight. at least that's my excuse.

i had the most vivid dream last night. i've been having flashbacks all day long. in the dream, i'd gone to the states to meet this guy i know and i was in his bedroom while he was getting ready for work in the morning and his wife was asleep in the bed. then, i was at his wedding, holding this envelope, trying my darndest not to have her recognize me because she'd be upset if she knew i was there. then, my father (with a mickey rourke, 9 1/2 weeks, hair cut) toasted the bride. while i was trying to manouvre myself away from the bride, gloria, in a lucid moment, starts talking to me *very* loudly and i kind of nudged her into another room so my presence wouldn't be known. it was so bloody vivid! i could see every detail. my dreams aren't usually that amplified.

they finally published the second harry potter book in paperback. i bought a copy while i was doing my "holy shit that's extravagant" shopping today. i'll start it as soon as i finish 'contact' -- i need to get ahold of robb to return it to him & get my book back from him. anyway, i refuse to buy the harry potter books in hardcover. don't know why, it just seems wrong to me for some reason.
** 21:52

* * *

saturday, august 19

i was cleaning out /home/hessie today and found a bunch of interesting things, one of which being mental diarrhea, my first attempt at journalling. and, damn, i was bitter! i knew i was hurting, but ouch. reading it brought it all back. nothing like a little hindsight first thing in the morning. i'm such a digital packrat... i never know what i'm going to find on my hard drive.

i was out late playing cards, drinking, smoking and being charming last night. it was like highschool all over again (except for the drinking and being charming). meghan, christopher (meg's ex) and i spent most of our time at my kitchen table playing cards or on meghan's bedroom floor playing yahtzee. ahhh. such a hellion i was.

i don't know. maybe it's just that i'm 28, single and feeling some pressure to be not single that i've found myself wondering if meg and mark (her current s.o.) are trying to fix dean and i up. not that i'd mind, really. he seems nice, from what i've been able to glean. we'll see what happens, i guess.

they're doing a canadian edition of 'who wants to be a millionaire?'. they started qualifying on the 9th. i was so excited! i was going to phone every day, balls to the $2 per phone call. i forgot the first day. no biggie. i forgot again. then i was away for the weekend. then i spent most of this week in a semi-sleep-deprived state and didn't remember until i heard about it on the radio friday morning as i was getting ready.

i called right then. i screwed up the first question. i called this morning when i got home at 2:30am. i got the first question (yay!), then when i got to the second, i think i hit the numbers too close together so the system couldn't tell i'd hit them individually and counted it as incorrect. i was so pissed! now i have to wait until after after midnight tonight and hope i get qualified on the LAST DAY. wish me luck.
** 21:21

* * *

friday, august 18

i just can't leave well enough alone. especially when it concerns my webpages.

yes, if you've been here before you'll see i've tweaked the design a little. don't know why, but i had a craving for late 60's-early 70's formica. i'm not sure i like how pastel it is, but i'm sure i'll change it around eventually. if you want to see what it used to look like, check out the archive page. let me know which you prefer. that is if you have a preference at all.
** 13:15

* * *

thursday, august 17

* i think that $18.95 i spent on potion 9 conditioner was worth it. i've been having a string of really good hair days (i'm sure the trim helped a little, too).
* it was a great tv banishment night last night! both karen and sean were voted out of their respective groups. now if i could only figure out why they didn't get rid of rich when they had the chance.
* i seriously need to get up the guts to go set-stalking some time soon. what's that? well, i live in hollywood north. there are always dozens of productions going on at any one time. you see crews and trailers all over the bloody place. set-stalking is following the little neon arrows which tell the crew how to get to the set and then insinuating yourself into the action. we did it once in highschool, but we weren't wearing formal dress so they knew we weren't extras.
* my perfume (perry ellis 360) is smelling really good on me lately. my chemistry must have shifted again.
* does anyone ever really think themselves interesting or do they just fake it?
* go rent 'fear and loathing in las vegas'. run, don't walk, to the video store. but make sure you have it for at least three days. five is better. seven is best. you will want to watch it at least three times. this is the minimum viewing number. the first time will leave you scared and confused. the second will knit your brow in contemplation. on the third viewing you will get the jokes and be quoting the script. trust me. you do not want to watch this movie only once.
* why don't people sign my bloody guestbook? there have been 22,000+ visitors and less than 100 have signed. how depressing is that?
* i'm constantly amazed at how reliant i am upon the net now. any time i need any information, the first thing i do is check online. and if i can't find what i'm looking for? that's someone else's fault for not making it available to me 24/7. then again, i've been doing this for 6 years. i wonder how long it took for people to not think twice about watching the news on their tv instead of reading it in the paper or listening to it on the radio?
* yay! i've graduated from double bandaids on each of my baby toes to no bandaids whatsoever! only took a week to break in my new shoes. not too bad. guess i won't be returning them now.
** 13:54

* * *

wednesday, august 16

oh my god. i think she's having sex up there. ugh! ugh! ugh! noooooo!!!!

i don't begrudge her sex, just don't do it where i can hear! *shudder*

i hope i can sleep. i think i'll turn the radio on. *cringe*
** 22:39

it was a pretty nothing day. right down the middle. ooooh... i get it. day after the full moon. should have figured that out. okay, i guess i should explain that i have this "relationship" with the moon. and it started when i very young. my mother loves to tell this story...

i was about two or so and i was clambouring around the kitchen nook one evening. as it was told to me, it was a full moon and when i got a look at it i stood and pointed and hooted at it. "ooooh! ooooh! ooooh!" astrologically, i'm a cancer, the sign ruled by the moon (and i'm a textbook cancerian) so it's not such a big shock to think the moon would affect me.

as i've gotten older, i've noticed a strange pattern develop during a full moon. the day before, the day of and the day after i will have one of three distinct moods. one per day. they do not overlap, but they do switch order and are different from month to month. one day i will be "up", one day i will be "down" and the other day i will be "neutral". oddly enough, i don't often figure out it's a full moon until i think about what kind of emotional state i've been in that day or for a couple of days. then it'll twig and i'll check the calendar. usually i'm bang on. "oh yeah. full moon. shoulda guessed."

i'm so glad my upstairs neighbour is back from wherever she was. ugh. no. i'm not. really. i don't know if she works or if she works nights or what, but her schedule SO does not jive with mine. thursday nights are her night to have loud friends over, turn up her music and invite these people to stomp on my ceiling until late. don't they realize that by thursday night i've been depriving myself of sleep and am just looking for one last chance at rest so i can make it through my last day of work for the week?? argh.

another reason i'll be glad to move. i'll write about the other ones some other time.
** 22:25

* * *

tuesday, august 15

if you know me you know that i rarely answer my phone. why? chris. or people like chris. no, people who do the same job as chris. who is chris, you ask? chris was calling me on behalf of the vancouver sun and province tonight. i'd just walked in the door and was putting some groceries away and the phone rang. i thought "what the hell," and answered it. *sigh* i should have known better. the only time the phone rings and i know it's not a telemarketer is after 10pm. then it's tyler (and that's another story in itself).

poor chris... he just kept talking. he really did sound nice. he was trying so very hard. didn't give up too easily, but also didn't piss me off by not figuring out he was not going to get a subscription.

i couldn't ever do that for a living. i have way too hard a time with rejection to be putting myself "out there" to be yelled at, hung up on, taunted and then shunned. i suppose it takes a special kind of person to telemarket for a living. you either really don't give a shit or really need a job. i wonder which chris is.

the more people i meet, the more i seem to find have either planned or attempted suicide. this worries me. i worry about the state of the human condition that these people's conclusions ran to ending their own lives. to cut off any and all options. forever. gone. buh-bye.

don't get me wrong, i don't begrudge anyone the right to off themselves. hell, that's right up there with abortion, self-mutilation and bdsm in my books. it's your life. do whatever the hell you want. plus, that's one less homo sapien sapping the resources of our planet. i'd just rather think that there are more solutions out there than ending your life before you've gotten even close to living it to it's fullest potential.

i've been depressed. i've had what would be classified as a nervous breakdown. i've suffered with my shyness, self-conciousness and lack of confidence. i've cried for days because i couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel and abused my body in retaliation for my perceived shortcomings. but not once did i ever think that i could solve anything by dying.

i suppose it unsettles me that people i know, that i care about, that i love and hold very, very dear to me thought that the world would be better off without them. i'm part of the world. and i would NOT be better off without them.
** 19:33

* * *

monday, august 14

i love mondays. even mondays after hellishly sleep deprived weekends. even "payroll mondays" and blue mondays and manic mondays. mondays and fridays are my favourite days of the week.

why? they both signal the start of something new. monday, a complete one-eighty from the weekend's activities. friday, the start of the weekend and two days of a new routine.

this also brings up just how my brain processes time. mondays fly. literally. they're over before i even realize i've started them. every time i look at the clock i'm amazed at how fast it's moving. tuesdays, on the other hand, drag. draaaaaaag. ugh. i swear, tuesdays go slower than any other day of the week. i'm usually convinced it's lunch by 9:30 am. i'm totally, completely positive it's time to go home when i look at the clock and see 1:21 pm.

i've tried to keep myself extra busy on tuesdays, since time really does seem to speed up when you're thoroughly engrossed in what you're doing. this does not work. any other day of the week i can trick myself into making my work day hasten by finding a new and brain-intensive task. not tuesdays, though. they fight this cagey plot tooth and nail. i've also tried to wake up saying "yay! it's tuesday! i love tuesdays!" that doesn't work either. tuesdays know. they feel your loathing and dread. tuesdays are the sadistic day of the week.

we need more mondays.
** 21:58

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sunday, august 13

ahhhh! excepting the fact this is the second day this weekend i'll have been up twenty-four hours straight, it's been a glorious two and a half days! now i feel the need to calculate the sleep i've gotten since i woke up at 5:40am friday morning... (saturday 7-10am & 4-8pm) mmm. seven hours. i think that's not quite enough. must mean it was a *great* weekend!

lesse... i finally got out of work (thanks, boss -- for promising i'd start early tomorrow, he let me leave 30 minutes early), rushed home, packed a bag, scarfed down some dinner, did the "going away" check for locked doors, unplugged toasters/hairdryers and making sure to take garbage out so the landlord doesn't break the door down because of suspicious, rotting odours and then made a hasty exit for the ferry line-up.

if you're at all familiar with british columbia, you'll know that we're a coastal province (with more fjords than norway *useless fact*) and there are a hell of a lot of islands off the coast. obviously, you can't drive directly there. you have to take a ferry. or two. or more, depending on your destination. my weekend required two ferries... on a friday. on a friday *after* 4pm. that means line-ups. long line-ups. long, cranky, hot line-ups.

actually, i was expecting to be in the line (which extends up, out of the terminal... back, back, back... along the shoulder of the highway... for up to seven kilometres) for at least two and a half hours. i got there at about quarter to five and was on the six pm boat. that amazed me! (ended up surprising my host, too. he wasn't expecting me as early as i arrived.)

ugh, that's far too much press for bc ferries. they don't deserve it. although, i'd like to suffix that by saying all the boats i've been on this weekend were good rides and i lucked out on the timing of them all. it was an atypical experience, to say the least.

lesse... i did indeed get to see some perseid meteors, a few of which knocked our socks off. but, the ultimate highlight of our stargazing was my very first glimpse of the northern lights. you see, i'm a city girl by nature and nurture. and, as all city folk know, you can't see any but the brightest stars 'cause of pollution and reflected city lights off said pollution. so, when a city folk finds themselves out of the glare, they look up and usually say something like "holy shit! there are so many stars!"

so, we're sitting out on the lawnchairs, listening to the water lap against the beach (and the otters, seals, whales, birds and other water critters make a hell of a racket), smoking, talking and just watching the sky. after a bit, i looked up and said "you know, i wish that patch over there was the northern lights and not just some clouds". jason looked where i pointed and said "they are the northern lights. see? they're moving." my jaw dropped. i stared intently. i blathered something incredulous and awestruck. he started telling me about his previous aurora borealis experiences while i just stared, transfixed. i think he was as surprised that i'd never seen them as i was suprised i was seeing them for the first time at that very second.

i said to him later: i'm never going to forget you now.
him: why?
me: because you were here when i saw the northern lights for the very first time.

he probably thought i was a little silly. he was probably right.

anyway, the rest of the weekend was spent watching some hilarious films, drinking, not sleeping, playing cards (i warned him i was good at crib) and talking, etc. it was great. quiet, peaceful, easy and fun. i love spending time with people it's easy to be with. when you want to just be, they're happy to let you.

i'm home now and have completed my laundry, weekly shopping and have even caught up on coronation street. now i'm waiting for 9pm so i can go to bed. if i go now i'll never get my proper schedule back. so here goes another 24+ hour day... good thing i'm still relatively young and resilliant.
** 18:48

* * *

friday, august 11

* my toes hurt (stupid new shoes).
* i am NOT into working (all i want to do is go get the stuff done i need to get done so i can get to the ferry terminal and get my ass onto a ferry and get this bloody weekend away started!).
* i do not like deception, in any fucking form (you know who you are).
* i hate the days when all the email i get is mailing list mail (on sub-topics i don't even care about, no less).
* it drives me nuts when i want to bitch and complain about something (anything!) but, all of a sudden, i can't think of anything that annoys me enough to spend the energy bitching and complaining about it!

i'm going away for the weekend. i'm going to a nice, quiet island where i will be almost alone. i will be able to sit on the rocks and listen to the water. oh! and the Perseid meteor shower is this weekend. i'll have a view unobstructed by city lights and pollution. mmm. can't wait.
** 15:14

* * *

thursday, august 10

it's a lot of freaking maintenance to be a girl!! waxing, shaving, plucking, bleaching... ever notice it has a hell of a lot to do with hair removal? since when is hair bad? guys can't *wait* to get hairy when they're growing up.

i remember my mom saying with great distress how i'd have really hairy legs after she caught me using her razor when i was six or seven years old.

then there was the girl i went to grade school with who got leg hair first and we would talk about how hairy her legs were. we didn't tease her, but it was definitely a topic for recess discussion.

then, there's my friend allen who shaves, plucks or waxes almost his entire body... including his eyebrows at one point. or my other male friends who shave their scrotums. so it's not just women who feel this need to be hairless.

yes, legs without hair feel smoother to the touch. they look cleaner. they even feel better to the owner (mmm... satin chemise sliding over freshly shaved legs... *ahem*). but, why can't we be happy with hair where evolution put it?

that begs the question: what the hell are eyebrows and pubic hair for then?
** 22:14

okay... this is finally use-able. i just spent a little too much 'work' time getting the template set up and learning how to use this blogging thing. now that i have, i can finally write a little bit of an introductory entry.

i blame friday for this. if you don't know her ("this is crap!"), then you really should go look at her web journal. i'm thoroughly addicted to it now, and journals in general. i mean, i'm an admitted voyeur tv junkie (survivor, big brother, blind date, road rules, etc), so the idea of my getting a kick out of reading other people's journals isn't really that far-fetched.

i suppose i should thank rageboy for my finding blogger, though. "thanks, rageboy!" he's the psycho-alter-ego of this guy named clocke (at least that's what i thought it was until i realized that's "c. locke" -- boy, did i feel stupid!) who writes this amazing prose disguised as a mailing list. if you haven't checked it out, you should. really!

anyhoo, this is the first of what will probably be at least three entries i'll make. who knows, it may not even go the way of my other attempts to journal and will evolve into some really weird, yet compelling, place to be.
** 14:02

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