freakishly prompt

let's see... have i told you lately that i love you? no? i'm not surprised. i'm not in a very loving frame of mind these days. except with pizza and my couch.

and, because i'm having a really hard time finding reasons to love, i'm going to make a list of things which make me happy -- or, at least, don't piss me off. because i really need a reminder that life isn't as shitty as it feels to me right now.

- cats. i got to play with my best friend's cat the other day. he's so soft and purry and pretty. i heart cats. when my super comes to fix my floor, i'm going to find out, once and for all, if i can get a cat. if the answer is yes, that's it. no more talk. i'm going to go find me something soft and fuzzy to love.
- HD. o.m.g. yeah, now i get what all the fuss is about. of course, it's all thanks to the new (to me) plasma tv and super-cheap Telus tv service i just switched to. wow. yeah, i can't wait to see Castle in HD. all that yummy Nathan Fillion goodness all big and pore-rich? *drool*
- sewing. i can't entirely tell if this makes me happy yet, but the IDEA of it certainly does. i signed up for a sewing 101 class at Spool of Thread next saturday. i'm ridiculously excited to go and learn how to make a tote bag out of super-yummy fabrics.
- kingsley. i love air conditioning. i love keyless entry. i love power steering. i love how quiet it is. i love that it goes when i tell it to and stops when i tell it to. i love warranties. i love new car smell (which i can't smell anymore). i love driving without fear for the first time in far too many years.
- canadian health care. it's coming up a year since my NDE and i can't say enough good things about paramedics, nurses and general hospital staff. i had surgery, then suffered near-fatal complications, and everyone involved in my care and treatment was beyond awesome (except for that one ER doctor who will go unnamed). i am, and will always be grateful that i live in a country where i don't have to hesitate for a moment before seeking medical care. i know that help is there for me, no matter how much money i have or what my standing in society. the system is not perfect, but it saved my life. i love canada.
- mcgillicuddy. for my birthday, i bought myself a Mac Mini and it's so nice to have a computer which Just Works. hell, it's also a media PC since i have it connected to my tv via HDMI. no more transferring files from my computer to the DVD player via DVD/USB/SD-card. just click-click and bam! more HD goodness! plus, it's tiny and cute and i no longer have that ugly, noisy box sitting on my floor filling up with dust and spiders.
- emergency fund. thanks to my mom & i's meager lottery win the other week, i now have (well, i will in two weeks) a nice-sized cushion of cash sitting in the orange bank. and, thanks to my Magic Spreadsheet and two years of budget tweaking, i shouldn't have to touch it except in the case of dire need (which, thanks to the new car purchase, shouldn't come up often anymore *crosses fingers*). it's nice to know it's there, even if i hope i never have to use it for anything.
- skirts. with age comes a severe decrease in modesty. or maybe that was just a week in hospital with random strangers lifting up my gown several times a day. either way, yeah. i used to be so stupidly ashamed of my fat cankles that i'd never, ever think to bare them, even in the hottest hot or at the prettiest party. now? blah. i'm fat. my legs are fat. it's hot. i'm going to wear a goddamn skirt! plus, skirts are flouncy and fun. and pretty. and i need something to make me feel pretty. who cares if my Polish peasant legs are stubby and pale. they're not hurting you, so why should i hide them away? bring on the skirts -- let's twirl!
- Christopher Evans. he's stupidly kind and sweet to me, even when i don't deserve it. he'll go run to the store to fetch bacon so we can have a yummy breakfast at home. he'll change my kitchen light bulb because i'm too short to reach it without a teetering tower of chairs and stools. he'll tell me i'm cute and kiss the back of my neck. he'll carry the basket at the grocery store even when it gets super heavy and it hurts his sore back. he'll only complain a little when i make him watch yet another episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker. *gush*
- getting rid of stuff. i experience a big mental sigh of relief every single time i remove something unused or unloved from my home. it's as if a physical weight is lifted. i love having bare space around me in my apartment. it feels right. it feels free. it opens up my ability to imagine and relax. when there's too much stuff around me, i feel claustrophobic. i get antsy and anxious and unhappy. i'm currently gearing up for a huge de-clutter. my first priority is to rip all my CDs then find them new homes elsewhere. i don't know what i'll do with all that shelf-space! how exciting!!

well, that's surprising. i didn't think i'd have that many things which make me happy. i didn't put down things like bubble tea or not talking or showers, because they have negatives attached to them which almost neutralize their goodness. but, yeah. i guess life doesn't suck as much as it seems.

now, bring me spicy tuna.

today is my blog's 10th birthday.

i wanted to make a big production with prizes and retrospectives and "best of"s, but yeah. it's not really that kind of blog anymore, is it?

every august 10th, i take a few minutes to think about all the good things this website has brought me. i've met some of my most favourite people thanks to my weblog. i've kept other friends and family members up on my latest antics and tragedies. i've shared my photos and creations. i've gotten support and encouragement when i needed it most. i've used it to learn about myself and words and html and css. i've vented and cursed and swooned and gushed and laughed and cried and grumbled. all out here in the open on the internets for anyone to see and share.

i miss it, if i'm really honest with myself. i miss the multiple posts per day. the comments and commentary. the link backs. the random wish list gifts. the stalkers. even the template thieves! but, facebook and twitter have made that sort of blogging passe, i suppose. i'm not interesting enough to be a paid blogger like Dooce or knowledgeable enough about anything in particular to monetize my ramblings, which seems to be the only reason why people have blogs these days.

i started writing online when i didn't have a lot going on in my life. i didn't really have any local friends to spend time with. if i wasn't working, i was probably chatting online or sitting alone in my apartment. the vancouver blogging community (and, later, meetup, flickr and twitter) changed all that for me. if i hadn't started a blog, i probably wouldn't have met so many great friends who've brought such fun and joy into my life. i would never have met Christopher. i can only imagine i would be a much lonelier and sadder person than i am now.

all from a few words on a server somewhere connected by a bunch of bits travelling around the world superfast! how awesome is technology?!

also, every august 10th, i make some vague promise to blog more, blog better; but, i can't promise that to you anymore. i blow my wad on conversations with real people these days; or, spew out my pith in 140 characters or less. it's been years since i've managed to be interesting on a consistent basis. i apologize for that. i miss you, it, us, them. it's not the same as it was back at the beginning of this shiny new century; but it is what it is and, honestly, i don't mind it all that much.

so, happy birthday blog! and happy birthday blog readers! thanks for the shoulders, the ears, the laughs, the love, the learning and the decade of your time & attention.

my week thusfar has completely unraveled. and it's only tuesday! ugh. i hate it when i'm overcommitted and my regularily scheduled plans are thwarted by outside stuff.

so, i find myself obsessively planning all the things i want to accomplish during my glorious ten-day vacation which commences promptly at 3:30pm friday afternoon:

- get Kingsley's first service (has it been four months already??)
- go to the doctor for various pokes & prods
- visit america to buy sponges, underpants and, hopefully, pants which won't fall down
- finish one or two home projects so that i can document and present my awesomeness to the internets
- go to Kelowna to visit Gill and family (i have yet to thank my aunt for the hand-me-down plasma tv)
- sleep
- get a damn hair cut
- see Inception
- install fancy softwares and get things like my scanner and cameras working on my mac
- see people
- be alone
- rent a paddleboat to float on Deer Lake and bbq hot dogs with many favourite peoples
- sell more stuff on Craigslist (omg, it's so much fun!)

so, yeah. i'm just muddling my way through this last week of officemate-filling-in. trying not to screw up too much and avoid as much confusing/weird crap as possible before i get to hand it all back to him with just as much explanation as he gave me (which was NONE).

i think the worst part is that the gym is being renovated, and that means no bootcamp this week. ugh! how the hell am i supposed to purge my stress if i can't sweat it out?? good thing my stomach's been upset, or i'd just eat my weight in medicinal chocolate.

om. vacation. om.

in the last few months i've replaced:

- my cell phone
- my car
- my diet
- my tv
- my dining room chairs
- my computer
- my tv/internet service
- my pvr
- my monitor

it seems so strange that suddenly, it seems, i'm replacing everything i use on a regular basis. the last thing i have that really needs replacing, though, is my dSLR. while it's still working, i'm having trouble finding Nikon software to do what I need done on the new computer; but, seeing as i've already blown all semblance of a budget with my recent splurges, i'll be holding off on that for a while.

so, in case you don't know, here's the scoop on each one:

i replaced my crappy pay-as-you-go cell phone from virgin with a shiny iPhone 3GS with a ridiculously cheap and flavourful plan from Bell. it was a bit of a mental hurdle to go from one to the other, but after six months, i can't even imagine life without it now.

on april first, i picked up my 2010 Mazda 3 Sport from the dealership. i had finally had enough of all the troubles my 1991 VW Golf had given me, and, thanks to my dad and 0% financing for 5 years, i finally have a reliable car with so. many. features! i don't think i'll ever get tired of power steering or air conditioning. so THIS is how other people live! it's so decadent!

with the bootcamp fitness challenge at work came a food plan. with that food plan, i started eating every 2-3 hours. now, if i don't get fed regularly, i get very cranky and very sleepy. it's annoying! but, i guess the 14 pounds i lost mean that all that eating is good for me, so i'm sticking with it. mostly.

my mom and her middle sister made a spur of the moment road trip up to Kelowna to visit their estranged (and crazy) little sister a couple months back. while there, my crazy aunt offered my mom a 32" plasma tv. mom had just gotten a new 40" LCD, so she declined, but she did say that i needed one. hence, instead of my perfectly suitable 20" CRT, i'm now the proud owner of a gigantic (to me) fancy HD tv. score!

as an early birthday present, Christopher bought me four aqua chrome dining chairs to go with my yellow arborite & chrome dining table. we had to make a trek out to maple ridge to get them, but it was worth the adventure (and the scrubbing needed once i got them home). they are exactly what i've always wanted to complete my retro dining set. yay craigslist!

i switched! yup, on my birthday, i went to the Apple store and bought myself a Mac Mini to replace my dying PC, discombobulate. it was a good run, but i was tired of broken USB, cranky loud fans and all the Windows slowness. now, i'm all Apple-y with my mac and iphone. just get me some skinny jeans & big, empty 80's eyeglass frames and i'll be right at home on Main St.

after hmming and hawing for a month after getting an offer for Telus TV in my mailbox, i decided to make the switch from Shaw. even with my superawesome unapproved deal with them, the Telus offer was too good to pass up. despite all the installation issues on Saturday, it seems it's worth it. HD is so awesome. so is being able to record THREE THINGS AT ONCE with the new pvr it came with (bye-bye TiVo)! OMG! this upcoming TV season is going to be SO AWESOME!

the problem, it seems, with replacing one thing is it leads to another. that's why after getting the new, fast, sexy Mac Mini, i ended up buying a new, shiny 23" monitor. i hadn't planned on it, i swear! i wasn't even looking, until Chris pointed out the pile of really cheap Samsung monitors at NCIX while we were there picking up a new power bar and HDMI adapter (did i mention, i can connect the new Mac to my new TV to watch downloaded stuff without any converting or transferring? SO HAWT!). it was one of those times it was just too perfect to say no to. the monitor cost pretty close to the savings from cancelling my tivo service because of the new Telus TV service. it all fell into place and now i'm swimming in screen real estate!

here endeth my journal of rampant consumerism. please help pay off my gluttony by buying my stuff:

12" Apple iBook G4
Acer 19" LCD widescreen monitor
LACk floating shelf in Beech

so, my 37th year was... eventful. among other things i:

i had surgery (and woke up), but ended up nearly dying a week later. luckily, i'm smart or something and had a good idea what was happening and had the wherewithal to advocate for myself while being rolled around the medical system. unfortunately, i learned a little too much about fear and anxiety. i also learned that i am so unbearably lucky to have the family and friends that i do.

i also gave up on trying to be debt-free for my 41st birthday and bought a much-needed new, and warrantied, car.

i met someone i've wanted to for many years when my friend Paige came to visit in May.

i've gone to a lot of parties and have, shockingly, started not hating the idea of them!

i started going to boot-camp and got my ass KICKED twice-weekly for three months. the scariest thing? i loved it and can't wait to get back to it! Christopher isn't sure how he feels about my shrinking ass, though. ;)

i believe it's no longer possible for me to pretend that i'm young. 38 is way too close to 40 for comfort.

so... 38. what do you have in store for me? whatever you do, please be gentle with me. i may seem to be all tough, but i'm still a little tender from the whooping i got last year.

do you remember when you didn't know who was calling you before you picked up the phone?

how about  having to get up to change the channel on the tv?

or knowing where you're going and planning to get there on time because you had no way to contact someone in-transit?

what about having to use the stove to heat up leftovers?

or having to plan to be home at 8pm on thursday night to watch your favourite show because if you didn't, you would just plain miss it?

it seems i'm feeling a little nostalgic for all the things which have changed, just in my (short-ish) lifetime.

don't get me wrong, i love tech.  i barely remember how i lived without my microwave, tivo, iphone and digital everything.  power windows in my car.  a whole collection of movies and tv shows on dvd to watch anytime i want.  hundreds of albums worth of music in my pocket wherever i go.  i don't think i'd willingly go back to those days, but still... there's a sense that things were simpler.  less busy.  quieter and maybe even a little better.

all the distractions have entirely eroded my ability to concentrate.  reading a book?  c'mon!  every few pages i have to put it down to check twitter or email or see why tivo's recording something. oh, wait!  that reminds me, i have to google [insert random thing here]!  i miss uni-tasking.  i miss not needing the internet in my pocket.  i miss having extra outlets; not plug-juggling to get juice for whatever new gadget it is i just brought home.

there's not really any place for me to go with this train of thought except into a shiny mag-lev future.  unless there's a giant EMP which fries all the transistors in all our tech, it'll only get more gadgety and our kids won't even believe us when we tell them stories about having to write letters on paper with sticks filled with coloured water.

oh, you darn kids.  GIT OFF MY LAWN!

these days, i'm obsessed with my pants.

eight weeks ago, i started a 12-week fitness challenge at work.  for the low-low price of $150, i would get three months of personally-trained bootcamp classes and nutritional counselling.  each four-week period would be assessed with a weigh-in, measurement and body composition analysis.   since getting back into the gym was the express reason i got my knee fixed last year, i was super excited to sign up and get going.

then i went to my first class.

day one nearly killed me.  at the end of the 45 minutes, i was dizzy, sweaty, nauseated and thought i might die. i barely made it down the stairs to my car to drive home and crawl up the Very Steep Stairs into my apartment where i collapsed on my bed and could barely get up an hour later to go feed myself.  the next two days my legs and ass were so sore, walking up stairs felt like all the muscles in the lower half of my body were ripping apart.  it's not a feeling i ever want to experience ever again in my life.

every week my trainer, Rocky, would add new and more painful exercises to the circuit for his pleasure and our pain.  i learned that my left leg was considerably weaker than my right (which stands to reason) and my hamstrings were practically non-existent.  i also learned that i turn a scary shade of purple when exercising and when people see me like that they think i'm going to die a lot sooner than i do.  i re-learned that i like weights and hate cardio.

the first four-week weigh-in sucked for me.  i lost a grand total of .8 pounds (1.16 fat loss with a .36 lb muscle gain).  it wasn't for lack of effort in the classes, that's for damn sure.  it turns out that the food side of fitness/weight loss is probably more important than the exercise.   you see, i'd sat through all the meetings about the food plan and kind of poo-pooed it all because, as a fat girl, i've been paying attention and learning about food and nutrition almost all of my life.   so, when it came to actually walking the walk with what Rocky wanted me to eat, i played fairly fast and loose with his recommendations.

each week after submitting my food log to him for review, i'd get an email back chastising me for this or saying i should try not to eat that.  i slowly made alterations to my eating, but i was really resisting all the extra work and expense of my food requirements.  i got tired of cleaning, cooking cooking and eating vegetables.  i got annoyed with the added costs for yogurt and starch snacks and all that damn protein.  out of that frustration, i would go and totally pig out on weekends, justifying it because a cheat day was healthy!  and i'd been working out!  and i'd been so good during the week!

alas, that first weigh-in proved me dead wrong.  i was upset with myself for literally paying to fail.  so, i looked at the numbers and vowed that my second weigh-in would kick the first's ass.  i was so devoted to killing my next weigh-in i went to class not once, but THREE TIMES during my VACATION!   who am i?!

last monday was my second weigh-in.  this time, i lost 8.8 pounds (6.51 fat loss and 2.29 muscle loss - oops) for a grand total of 9.6 pounds!  take that week four weigh-in!  i kicked your ass good!

okay, 9.6 pounds isn't a lot, i know.  especially considering the amount i have to lose, but it's all about the progress.  three months ago, i was heavier than i've ever been and i was getting quite depressed and scared for my health and future (or lack thereof).  my doctor put me on high blood pressure medication.  i was starting to realize that my pants weren't fitting and i might not be able to find a bigger size to fit me.  this challenge came at exactly the right time and i am so grateful to be able to be a part of it.  this isn't just about getting into my "skinny jeans".  this is about saving my life and, after last September, i have a much more acute awareness of how easy that is to lose.

so, back to the pants.

i wasn't sure, but about two weeks ago, i thought i started noticing that my jeans were falling down.  at least a little.   i couldn't be entirely sure because there's a small amount of stretch in them and it could have been the day three slackness which always happens after they get worn a few days in a row.  but this week?  yeah, my pants are definitely falling down.  and, while i KNOW this is good thing, i find i'm getting really annoyed by having to hike them up every half-dozen steps.   they're not baggy enough to warrant a belt or replacing them with smaller pants (not that i can afford to buy new right now -- hello, i bought a car!), so i'm in this frustrating in-between-land i'm going to dub Saggy Crotch Ville.  step-step-hitch-step-step-hitch.  that's me walking down the hall.  SEXY!

the worst part?  i'm annoyed that i'm annoyed that my pants are too big!   WTF?

so, eight weeks in, my pants are falling down and, whenever my muscles or joints aren't screaming at me for all this abuse, i feel freaking fantastic!  i can't help but wonder just how awesome i'll feel in another month!   hell, i might even have to go buy a belt!

finally, i wasn't going to make this public, but maybe putting it out there will give me even more incentive.  i'm currently in dire need of a haircut.  in addition, i've decided that i'm going to get it coloured to hide the many, many greys which have started popping up unbidden.   i could go this weekend and be happy, but i've given myself a condition:  no haircut until i've lost 20 pounds total.  i'm hoping that by the next weigh-in i'll have reached that mark and i can go get a fancy new do just in time for my birthday.   wish me luck!

and don't laugh at my saggy pants, okay?

i was just looking at the list of tax changes accompanying the introduction of the HST in BC this coming july 1st.  i better save up because...

- reading a book will cost more
- watching tv will cost more
- going to see a movie will cost more
- eating food anywhere but home will cost more
- eating processed food will cost more
- buying plants to grow my own food will cost more
- getting a hair cut will cost more
- having my toenails painted will cost more
- buying used clothing to be less of a consumer will cost more
- using my home phone will cost more
- getting a massage will cost more
- taking a tylenol because i had a massage will cost more
- buying vitamins to make me healthy will cost more
- going to the gym will cost more
- seeing a cultural event will cost more
- buying mp3s instead of going to the more expensive concert will cost more
- getting drunk because everything costs more will cost less
- taking a taxi because i got drunk will cost more

after spending the weekend with my mom in downtown dullsville, i came home to a new time, a full day back at the office and a trip into deep, dark surrey to attend the symphony.

now, i'm sleepy.

friday, i picked up the boy after work and we blitzed over to north van and scarfed down fatburgers before my dad picked me up to take me to the ferry boat.  i didn't know quite what to do with myself on the trip over as my usual m.o. is to get a crispy chicken burger and nurse my fries for 90 minutes while sitting the cafeteria.  luckily, i snagged a computer station (i like tables), read & played games on my phone all the way over.  it was all good until the couple three seats away decided that it was totally acceptable to play something really loudly on their laptop and the stinky, drunk guy sat behind me and started drunk dialing people on his cell phone after cracking open a couple of brewskis.

i hate technology sometimes.

mom picked me up on the other side and we zipped up island, catching up on giggles and promptly going to bed upon arrival at her place.

saturday, i spent some time playing with her new 40" lcd television.  holy crap, that thing is HUGE.  and shiny.  and crisp (on hd channels, that is).  i don't know if i could put a tv that big in my apartment.  it'd just dominate the living area!  but, i can just imagine playing wii or watching dvds on it... *drool*   after my aunt came for a whirlwind visit, mom & i headed down to nanaimochuk for a little shopping and to see the new Alice in Wonderland in 3D.

go see it.  it's awesome.  Avatar wasn't nearly as good as Alice is.

after the show -- which was almost ruined by the frigid arctic air blowing on us in the theatre, brr -- we zipped home and i made yakisoba for dinner, followed by hockey in hd.  holy hell.  hockey in hd is... well, it's so good, i didn't mind watching it.  that tells you something right there because i'm almost entirely off the bandwagon.   after the game, we changed the clocks and went to bed; but, not before i caught the new Iron Man 2 trailer.  mm, robert downey jr.-y goodness.  i cannot wait for that movie to come out!

sunday, was lazy.  chilled with mom, packed up and headed home.  once i got there, i had some pizza with the boy, did some laundry and got ready for work on monday.  btw, there are bunches of people retiring this year and i'm SO JEALOUS.  c'mon lotto max!  come to mama!

yesterday was pretty okay, too.  work was work.  my boss is back from vacation, so the energy level got bumped up a notch or ten from last week, but i got my vacation requests for the year approved so i'm happy.  afterwards, i had an awesome roasted chicken dinner at christopher's before we headed out to newton - not just surrey! - to see the VSO perform Holst's The Planets at the Bell Centre, which is a theatre attached, no IN, a highschool.  how weird.  we took our very back of the balcony seats, adjusted to the vertigo induced by the view and settled in for some culture with the grey hairs.

i've loved The Planets (especially the fourth movement: Jupiter) since i was twelve years old.  it was on a cassette tape my sixth grade music teacher made each member of our band with a whole mix of different musics with the thought to expose us to new and different things.  ever since hearing it that first time, i've had a strong emotional reaction to it.  last night was no different.  as soon as the first few notes were played, my eyes welled up with tears and my whole body tensed up with anticipation.  i must have looked like a dork with my nose running and tears streaming down my face, but i didn't care.  i was entirely overcome by the music.  ahh!

the long, long drive back home was totally worth it just for those two hours of awesomeness.   i love the symphony!

i got home about 11:30, glad i'd had that pre-concert latte or i might have fallen asleep at the wheel and died in a fiery crash somewhere in burnaby.  by the time i got horizontal it was after midnight.  have i ever mentioned that i get up at 5:30am?  yeah, not a lot of sleep last night.  on top of the time change, i'm a wee bit knackered today.

luckily, i only have to go home, cook the biggest stirfry in the world and then go see my doctor to discuss all the other things which are wrong with me now that my lungs are clot-free.

see?  i really am a party animal!  *snarf*